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Top David Letterman Quotes

Browse top 22 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by David Letterman.

Favorite David Letterman Quotes

1. "If what you've done is stupid, but it works..then it really isn't all that stupid." ~ David Letterman
2. "You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella.First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?" ~ David Letterman
3. "You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il." ~ David Letterman
4. "Labour day is a great American holiday that peoplecelebrate by going out and buying products made in China" ~ David Letterman
5. "BP has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders." ~ David Letterman
6. "I haven't reached nirvana yet, but I've been to Detroit." ~ David Letterman
7. "A high-level government agent was arrested today for selling secrets to Russia. They now have all of the exact locations of our back-to-school headquarters." ~ David Letterman
8. "But unlike Sir Sith's other childhood dreams--dating Dame May Whitty, driving two race cars at once, being voted King of the Gypsies--this one has come true." ~ David Letterman
9. "Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin." ~ David Letterman
10. "There is no off position on the genius switch." ~ David Letterman
11. "I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host." ~ David Letterman
12. "It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?" ~ David Letterman
13. "People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine." ~ David Letterman
14. "Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees." ~ David Letterman
15. "Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?" ~ David Letterman
16. "The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves." ~ David Letterman
17. "Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?" ~ David Letterman
18. "I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments." ~ David Letterman
19. "For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home." ~ David Letterman
20. "Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno." ~ David Letterman
21. "I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red." ~ David Letterman
22. "Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard." ~ David Letterman

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Today's Quote

Simple questions--and simple answers--were what we needed in life. That was what Mma Ramotswe believed. Yes."
Author: Alexander McCall Smith

What Did David Letterman Talk About?

Act
Here
Sin
Run
Wit
Hey
Hen
Thin

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