Jarod Kintz Quotes About Read

Browse 86 famous quotes of Jarod Kintz about Read.

"I want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don't feed me to the cats." ~ Jarod Kintz
"This work is the link between my Dear Natalie piece and my upcoming Agatha work. It bridges that lapse in time and shows how my thinking has changed. It shows me telling a story through the surreal and trying to use thought fragments alone to show a tortured existence. This piece was written after the Dear Natalies and before the Agatha mystery, but it is meant to be read after you've already read both.This book is a bridge between two books, which would make it a bridge between two bridges. That's strange, but I've seen stranger. Like the time I woke up in a fish tank, having morphed into a goldfish during my sleep. I still fear the sound of a flushing toilet, and since then I refuse to let myself fall asleep while wearing flippers.This book is 3,088 words of pure nonsense, strung together like pearls hurled at bacon. Yum!" ~ Jarod Kintz
"I read trash. Empty cereal boxes, empty shampoo bottles, the bottoms of empty Kleenex boxes, and occasionally even a mystical self-help book." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I'm so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and I think I'm finally ready to enter into organized crime." ~ Jarod Kintz
"If I were an alcoholic, I'd work at a wine farm, where grape booze grows on trees, bottled and ready to chug." ~ Jarod Kintz
"What's said in silence is best viewed in darkness. I learned that while reading a bowl of Alphabet Soup." ~ Jarod Kintz
"Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because I pray to God He'll deliver pestilence and plague to the residents next door. I even tell God the exact address, as if He can't read my heart. But it's not for His benefit, it's for my neighbors'." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I keep a list of our differences. The good news is there's only one item. The bad news is that the one item reads: Everything." ~ Jarod Kintz
"A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you're having boring, obligatory sex with your spouse, who's as dry and exciting as a sack of flour." ~ Jarod Kintz
"LIberty is slavery. Or, well, you already know. P.S. Can you find my logo in the image?" ~ Jarod Kintz
"If I were a taxi cab driver, as lots of writers supposedly are, and my boss were to tell me that I couldn't read on the job, I'd obediently go around running every STOP sign." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I can read in bed all night long. I can watch movies all night long. And I can have sex for literally minutes." ~ Jarod Kintz
"We made up, and I knew just how to do that. I told her, "I feel like dancing. Let me grab my dancing shoes and stick-on mustache (better to tickle your vagina with)." And she replied, "My vagina already has its own mustache." ~ Jarod Kintz
"As soon as we met, she probably imagined herself marrying me. Then within five minutes, she was probably already envisioning divorce." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I think the most romantic letter you ever gave me was "W," because it's a couple of soul mate "V"s. Or maybe they were a couple of letters of the same sex engaging in a homosexual relationship. A "W" is two "V"s in a civil union, but the world is not ready to flip that on its head and let them go for the big "M." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I want to name one of my sons "For Sale." That way, not only would he make an excellent politician, but even after his death his children could benefit from his name through his headstone, which would read "For Sale: 904.555.4272." ~ Jarod Kintz
"Ideas are like legs: what good are they if you can't run with them, or spread them?" ~ Jarod Kintz
"Bricks could be used to make a billion dollars. It's easy! All you need to do is fill up a shopping cart full of bricks, park it outside of a grocery store, and wait for the coming hyperinflation. Then, when some soccer mom walks by with a shopping cart full of cash, to purchase a loaf of bread, you trade your tangible assets for her imaginary money and boom! you are now a billionaire." ~ Jarod Kintz
"If your TV is broken, don't get a new one—get a new hobby: reading." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I can't fly with one wing. But I can't go hungry either, and I already ate both the legs, the breasts, and the other wing." ~ Jarod Kintz
"If I'm going to write a book every American will want to read, it's got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch." ~ Jarod Kintz
"Goodreads.com could be read Good Reads, or it could be read Goo Dreads. Of course, it couldn't be the latter, because who dreads goo?" ~ Jarod Kintz
"As an animal lover, I don't like zoos. I feel the only creatures that should be caged behind bars are politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And rapists, but I've already listed that three times." ~ Jarod Kintz
"My asshole smells like a bookstore. So, are you a big reader?" ~ Jarod Kintz
"When she offered me a spot of tea, I said, "No thanks, I've already got a spot of tea on my shirt."" ~ Jarod Kintz
"To me, it seems like a waste of time. What is the point of making a watch that only gets 45 minutes to the hour? But Cleo Von Klaus is a German, and he's obsessed with efficiency. Plus, he argued that the watch would be a big hit with flash-in-the-pan celebrities, people who have already used up their 15 minutes of fame." ~ Jarod Kintz
"When the clock reads 3:00, I don't call it three o'clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it." ~ Jarod Kintz
"Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!" ~ Jarod Kintz
"I've long believed that for an award to gain prestige, all it takes is having one famous person win it—even if that one person doesn't know about the award or the fact that they've won it. That's why last year's "Albatross Harbor's Man of the Year Award" went to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. And from all the votes this year (one), it looks like the winner will be me. I've already begun writing my acceptance speech." ~ Jarod Kintz
"After a few years of not talking, I tried reaching out to my father, but by that time he was already a few inches beyond my outstretched fingers." ~ Jarod Kintz
"The book wasn't half bad. But only because I only read half of it." ~ Jarod Kintz
"A brick could be a politician, if you attached strings, taught it to dance, and allowed it to read a teleprompter. Remember: whether it's Republican or Democrat, it's still a brick, and it will do whatever the Mason's want it to. But if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to work. Now, where did I leave my secret handshake?" ~ Jarod Kintz
"Sometimes a symbol holds more power than the thing it represents. Like the symbol for Thing, the one I created that is confusing and abstract and makes people ask, What is that thing? And I always reply, "If you already knew, why did you ask?" ~ Jarod Kintz
"More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I'd like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I wouldn't advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead." ~ Jarod Kintz
"People always see me writing and ask me if they can read my writing. The answer is yes, after I publish it and they pay for it." ~ Jarod Kintz
"My toothpaste tastes like baloney, so I brush my teeth with wheat bread.? Guess what flavor my love is, and what kind of mechanical apparatus I use to make it." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I can read lips. Especially if they have words tattooed on them." ~ Jarod Kintz
"Reading—it's the third best thing to do in bed." ~ Jarod Kintz
"My TV's broken. It's step one in my goal to read more." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I enjoy reading books by way of subtitles from the movies they got made into." ~ Jarod Kintz
"The only book I'd read in the shower is Naked Lunch, because my bathtub is in the center of my kitchen." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I have a spreadsheet of all the women I'd like to spread and sheet. Your mom is on my list. So is your grandma, may she rest in peace." ~ Jarod Kintz
"The snow covered the two hills like vanilla frosting on two breasts. That's what I thought then, because I was in love, and ready to sled down the icing on a birthday cake." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would eat my cereal out of it while I read tomorrow's newspaper." ~ Jarod Kintz
"A brick is used to label a missed shot in basketball. However, a better term to call a missed shot, or any shot in basketball, would be a "Movado," because it's a waste of time. Instead of spending your free time trying to put a ball in a net, how about reading a few books." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I've found newspapers only useful as kindling material for campfires. It's been said that newspaper articles are written at a fifth grade reading level. If so, I can't figure out why journalists would write something that the average high school senior can't even read." ~ Jarod Kintz
"I'm a book lover. I've probably already fucked a whole library." ~ Jarod Kintz
"It's easy to see what to do once it's already been done. The difficult time is before it's to be done, and while you're doing it. This is the difference between writing and editing." ~ Jarod Kintz
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It was nice to see a Human smile. So many things looked like smiles but weren't. Sometimes, to feel genuine kindness, I would stare into a mirror and smile at myself, just to remember what one looked like."
Author: Cecil Castellucci

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