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Top Kevin Hearne Quotes

Browse top 162 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by Kevin Hearne.

Favorite Kevin Hearne Quotes

1. "Tell her I am Peace Dawg but I think her cats are closely allied with The Man. I'm going to stick it to them." ~ Kevin Hearne
2. " What's silly is paying five bucks for hot milk and flavored syrup! But now I see what's really been going on all this time! They charge you all that money because they need it for the R & D! Somewhere on the outskirts of Seattle, there's a secret facility with higher security than Area 51, and inside there are men with poor eyesight and bad haircuts wearing white coats, and they're trying to make the Holy Grail of all coffee drinks. The bacon latte?No, Atticus, I already told you those exist! I'm talking about the prophecy! 'Out of the steam and the foam and the froth, a man in white with poor eyesight will craft a liquid paradox, and it shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!' Oberon, what the F---?" ~ Kevin Hearne
3. "The grin on his face wasn't the affable, friendly sort; instead, it was the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bug-fuckeringly insane" ~ Kevin Hearne
4. "They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this." ~ Kevin Hearne
5. "You are telling me that your lawyer is a bloodsucking vampire?" ~ Kevin Hearne
6. "I tend to vacillate between belief systems. Right now I'm kind of checking out the whole buffet, you know, and maybe in a little while I'll decide on what I want to put on my plate and chow down on." ~ Kevin Hearne
7. "Well o' course she's feelin' dandy! She's the mother o' God for the love o' Pete!" ~ Kevin Hearne
8. "Granuaile shook her head. "No, it's gross. You are such a guy sometimes."Isn't he a guy all the time? (Oberon)She's not saying I'm occasionally female. She's implying that I'm shallow.Oh, I know. So why did she say only sometimes? (Oberon)" ~ Kevin Hearne
9. "She didn't go all fangirl on anyone, but I suspect that's only because none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Nathan Fillion." ~ Kevin Hearne
10. "Atticus "three kinds of cat shit, Oberon."Oberon "and an arrogant family of squirrels." ~ Kevin Hearne
11. "Dude is that was a Shakespeare quote duel, he just kicked your ass." OberonI know, but I slipped in some T.S.Eliot and he didn't even catch it. Hopefully next time I wont be recovering from an assassination attempt, and then I'll do better. - Atticus" ~ Kevin Hearne
12. "Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk." ~ Kevin Hearne
13. "Hopefully next time I won't be recovering from an assassination attempt, and then I'll do better." ~ Kevin Hearne
14. "What I'd truly been avoiding was love, the strongest binding there is, and the pain that scrapes at your insides when the bond is forcefully broken." ~ Kevin Hearne
15. "Gods can screw anything and anybody. For reference, see history.Atticus O'Sullivan" ~ Kevin Hearne
16. "Usually I try to suppress any emotions that savor of regret, because they are invariably aperitifs to a main course of depression, and for the long-lived, that's a recipe for suicide. But that doesn't mean they can't sneak up on me sometimes. And, like, gang-tackle me." ~ Kevin Hearne
17. "It's a coffee place. You can't just automatically classify anything that isn't a steak house as vegetarian.Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert heir own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient fast as mere opinions." ~ Kevin Hearne
18. "Depression is a prison to which you have the key except you never think to look for it." ~ Kevin Hearne
19. "for now, bread and mead call us, appetites whetted, to witness what I have been nursing, encased in iron, licked by flame, and tended with relish." ~ Kevin Hearne
20. "Peace be with you," I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and asskicking be with me." ~ Kevin Hearne
21. "The plan was simple. Once on the Plain of Idavoll, we were going to follow the immortal strategy of Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh and "announce [our] presence with authority." ~ Kevin Hearne
22. "You're tell me those are gnomes pretending to be dwarfs pretending to be elves? Are you trying to play Six Degrees of Bilbo Baggins again?" ~ Kevin Hearne
23. "I still didn't know quite what the witches were capable of. The threshold could be booby-trapped or enchanted. I could be walking into a cage fight with a demon. Hell, she could open the door with a Glock 9 in her hand and put a bullet in my ear, or throw a cat at me, or call me a damn hippie." ~ Kevin Hearne
24. "You don't even know if she really likes you, Oberon said as we exited and I unlocked my bike. She could be doing her customer service routine and stringing you along in hopes of a big tip the next time you come in. With dogs you just go up and smell their asses and you know where you stand, it's so much easier. Why can't humans do that?" ~ Kevin Hearne
25. "No, they're contemporary witch hunters, based in Russia."The crease deepened. "Hold on a moment. They sound like assholes?"I blinked, uncertain I'd heard him correctly. "I beg your pardon?"Jesus grimaced and pointed at his head. "It's this tiny human brain-I have to have a filing system for all this information or I can't keep track of it all. It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who Do Evil Shit in My Name.""Jesus. I mean, wow. That's the name of one of your files?""One of my largest, unfortunately." ~ Kevin Hearne
26. "Awesome! I'd just bullied Jesus into doing a shot with me. Nobody would ever believe it, but I didn't care. We ordered the insanely expensive stuff, seventy-five dollars for a 1.75-ounce pour of premium Irish whiskey, because if you're doing a shot with Jesus, you don't buy him scotch." ~ Kevin Hearne
27. "Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy." ~ Kevin Hearne
28. "Icy glares from vampires are far icier than icy glares from people and when the vampire giving you an icy glare is originally from Iceland, you're confronted with the archetypal origin of the term, and you shouldn't be surprised if your core body temperature drops a few degrees." ~ Kevin Hearne
29. "My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered. The Norns had obliterated him completely—a creature they'd known for centuries—because of me. It was like watching Rudolph get shot by Santa Claus." ~ Kevin Hearne
30. "Lord Bacchus, can you hear me? Nod if you can hear me."Bacchus dropped his hands and nodded."You have never killed a Druid all by yourself, and you never will. Only with hordes of Bacchants and Roman legionnaires and the aid of Minerva have you ever managed to slay a single one of us. Your lackeys may get me eventually, and I know that I will never be able to slay you, but admit to yourself now that you, alone, will never prove my equal. The earth obeys me, son, not some petty god of grape and goblet." I switched to English for a postscript, "So suck on that, bitch." ~ Kevin Hearne
31. "How would you take care of it?" I asked.He shrugged. "I know some ghouls. I make a couple calls, the guys come over for dinner, problem solved.""They can put away nine whole giants? There's that many ghouls in town?""Probably not," Leif admitted. "But whatever they do not eat tonight, they'll take the rest to go."I stared at him in disbelief. "You mean like a doggie bag?"The vampire nodded with a thin trace of a smile. "They have a refrigerated truck, Atticus. These are practical guys." ~ Kevin Hearne
32. "I'm not a proper anything. Majoring in philosophy kind of turns positive assertions into maybes." ~ Kevin Hearne
33. "Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass." ~ Kevin Hearne
34. "My neighbor raised a shaking index finger to point at the saguaro. "That moving cactus...and the big bug...and you, you spooky bastard. What are you?I stuffed my hands in my pockets and grinned winningly at him. "Why, I'm the Antichrist, of course." ~ Kevin Hearne
35. "I think this man might actually possess supernatural powers. He makes people lose their minds and I'm sure some of them do lose bladder control as well." "I see. And who is this author" "Neil Fucking Gaiman." "His second name is Fucking?" "No Leif that's the honorary second name all celebrities are given by their fans. It's not an insult it's a huge compliment and he's earned it." ~ Kevin Hearne
36. "Wooo!' he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. ‘That's good stuff.'I agreed heartily. ‘Shall we do another one?' I asked.‘Oh no,' Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. ‘This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?" ~ Kevin Hearne
37. "Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise." ~ Kevin Hearne
38. "I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'." ~ Kevin Hearne
39. "Oh, I know. They're dwarfs pretending to be elves.No, they're not dwarfs either.Okay, okay, they're "little people," I'm sorry! Can't believe I have to be politically correct when you're the only one who can hear me." ~ Kevin Hearne
40. "... we banked around until we found a rainbow in the dark. It was on this occasion that I discovered that Granuaile had never heard of Ronnie James Dio. My shock at this news was such that I almost completely missed the fact that we were traveling on Bifrost, the rainbow bridge to Asgard." ~ Kevin Hearne
41. "Careful with that ego, you could knock somebody over." Atticus" ~ Kevin Hearne
42. "I think he got your goat, Atticus! And I've been meaning to ask you about the expression. When people get your goat, what do they do with it? Do they eat it or hold it for ransom or what?" ~ Kevin Hearne
43. "May harmony find you" Atticus" ~ Kevin Hearne
44. "Hence the reason I encourage you to believe what you wish. The heaven of teh Pastafarians is supposed to have beer volcanoes, which sounds like a fantastic idea to me. Imagine eruptions of a mellow chocolaty stout. There might be all-you-can-eat hot wings."~Atticus" ~ Kevin Hearne
45. "...Brain death didn't allow one time to heal, and the brain was the warehouse for the spirit. Punch a hole in that and you'd shuffle off your mortal coil right away. Keeping your coil unshuffled was the problem." ~ Kevin Hearne
46. "I had my own dump truck of bad karma waiting for me somewhere ahwad. I had certainly earned it, but I raced to avoid it if I could; there was no way I wanted to fell that." ~ Kevin Hearne
47. "Atticus, ixnay issingpay off the oppercay.>" ~ Kevin Hearne
48. " Oberon said as we walked inside. You don't offer werewolves treats if you want to keep all your appendages. They think it's undignified and degrading to be offered a treat. I beg your pardon? No. You just made all of that up. " ~ Kevin Hearne
49. "I can't spend too much time in the forests because I invariably leave traces-ridiculously happy trees, basically, since I'm the last Druid in the world and they tend to geek out like Joss Whedon fans when I show up." ~ Kevin Hearne
50. "Dude. If that was a Shakespearean quote duel, he just kicked your ass." ~ Kevin Hearne
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Today's Quote

The early bird ate too many worms and died."
Author: Andre Jordan

What Did Kevin Hearne Talk About?

Wit
Ear
Thin
Hen
Hey
King
Said
Per
Here
Con
Use
Ally
She
End
Lit
Call
Ten
Win
Bee
Thou
Ring
Cause
Pen
Old
Off
Sin
Round
Hear
Mean
Hit
Hole
Tea
Low
Tell
Able
Yes
Act
Lie
Tan
Ask
Bit
Once
Guy
Talk
Rate
Though
Ours
Self
Tend
Sing

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