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Top Milton Berle Quotes

Browse top 18 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by Milton Berle.

Favorite Milton Berle Quotes

1. "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." ~ Milton Berle
2. "You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think." ~ Milton Berle
3. "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." ~ Milton Berle
4. "A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours." ~ Milton Berle
5. "I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are." ~ Milton Berle
6. "Laughter is an instant vacation." ~ Milton Berle
7. "If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" ~ Milton Berle
8. "Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name." ~ Milton Berle
9. "We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight." ~ Milton Berle
10. "Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies." ~ Milton Berle
11. "I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?" ~ Milton Berle
12. "I live to laugh, and I laugh to live." ~ Milton Berle
13. "Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient." ~ Milton Berle
14. "The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring." ~ Milton Berle
15. "Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours." ~ Milton Berle
16. "A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?" "No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!" ~ Milton Berle
17. "I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!" ~ Milton Berle
18. "Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering." ~ Milton Berle

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Today's Quote

In short, with each of the thousand-and-one problems that present themselves in family life, our choice is between controlling and teaching, between creating an atmosphere of distrust and one of trust, between setting an example of power and helping children to learn responsibility, between quick-fix parenting and the kind that's focused on long-term goals."
Author: Alfie Kohn

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