Top Dildo Quotes

Browse top 28 famous quotes and sayings about Dildo by most favorite authors.

Favorite Dildo Quotes

1. "Heather leaned toward me and placed a soothing hand on my knee. "It'll be fine, sweetie. You'll see.""I've never done anything like this. What if I can't go through with it? I'll feel like such a dolt.""I won't let that happen. Once I get you warmed up, you'll forget all these silly insecurities. And I'd bet my favorite dildo that the instant you see Blake in the buff, you'll be damn glad you followed through on this little plan."
Author: Anne Rainey
2. "Never, ever say the dildo accidentally turned itself on."
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
3. "Evie says, "It's not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed."I write:i know girls who say that about their dildos."
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
4. "Me, while I'm heading west, asleep at Mach 0.83, or 455 miles an hour, or true airspeed, the FBI is bomb-squading my suitcase on a vacated runway back in Dulles. Nine out of ten times, the security task force guy says, the vibration is an electric razor. The other time, it's a vibrating dildo.Imagine, the task force guy says, telling a passenger on arrival that a dildo kept her baggage on the East Coast. Sometimes it's even a man. It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Use the indefinite article.A dildo.Never your dildo.Never say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.A dildo activated itself and created an emergency situation that required the evacuating of your baggage."
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
5. "Cops do this every day, rifling closets and digging through your dildo drawer."
Author: David Wong
6. "Which meant she might as well return to a topic no man would ever bore of.Sex. "That concludes my overall dissertation on bedside manners before and after an encounter. Moving on to the last topic evolving around the setting of the bedroom. Would ine of yoy please define the purpose of a dildo and why a man should consider keeping one at his bedside at all times?"
Author: Delilah Marvelle
7. "When penetration is desired, the focus is on what works for the recipient: we have yet to meet a dildo that got hung up on its own needs."
Author: Dossie Easton
8. "Better yet - I'll buy him a dildo with his own money, send it to him, and tell him to go fuck himselffrom The Art of Submission by Ella Dominguez"
Author: Ella Dominguez
9. "Junction nineteen! Una, she came off at Junction nineteen! You've added an hour to your journey before you even started. Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway?"Oh GOD. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to THEM and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still having sex?" Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is not the happy-go-lucky free-for-it-all it was when you were twenty-two and that the honest answer is more likely to be, "Actually, last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little Angora crop-top, told me he was gay/a sex addict/a narcotic addict/a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo," than, "Super, thanks."
Author: Helen Fielding
10. "Actually last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little angora crop top told me he was gay a sex addict a narcotic addict a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo."
Author: Helen Fielding
11. "If instead of horns, unicorns had dildos on their heads, I'll bet more politicians would try to find them."
Author: Jarod Kintz
12. "The fact is, I'm being attacked by extraterrestrials. They're invisible, and now, even as I write this, my anus is bleeding. Science turns into sexual harassment when the aliens probe my ass with dildos, cucumbers, and Barney Frank's tiny shoes."
Author: Jarod Kintz
13. "The first airplanes looked more like flying furniture than the soaring dildos of today."
Author: Jarod Kintz
14. "A sex trophy should be functional, and shaped like a dildo, yet decorative, and shaped like Ben Bernanke. Insert it in your ass as desired."
Author: Jarod Kintz
15. "If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel."
Author: Jarod Kintz
16. "This signior is sound, safe, ready, and dumbAs ever was candle, carrot, or thumb;Then away with these nasty devices, and showHow you rate the just merits of Signior Dildo."
Author: John Wilmot
17. "BOLLOXIMIAN:My pleasures for new cunts I will uphold,And have reserves of kindness for the old.I grant in absence dildo may be usedWith milk of goats, when once our seed's infused.My prick no more to bald cunt shall resort—Merkins rub off, and often spoil the sport.POCKENELLO:Let merkin, sir, be banished from the court.PENE:'Tis like a dead hedge when the land is poor."
Author: John Wilmot
18. "Damn." Phineas turned the Big Boy off, then noticed he'd left the box on the bed. Damn, had Zoltan seen it? He stuffed the phallus back into the box, but must have jammed too hard, for it started wiggling again."Stop it." He punched a button, but it merely increased its speed, the tip spiraling in wild circles.Damn! He watched in horror. It was like a whirlybird on steroids! How could a man compete with that? He ripped the balls off it and emptied out the batteries. "Die, you freakin' dildo, die!"
Author: Kerrelyn Sparks
19. "Good God, the man is dumber than Tink's dildo..."
Author: Kim Harrison
20. "Tink's pink dildo, all that money and he can kiss, too,"
Author: Kim Harrison
21. "Some nasty bitch of a woman from the coven of moral and ethical standards tried to fry Rache" the pixy said apparently proud of it. "I pixed the Tink-blasted dildo, and Rache's black-arts boyfriend blew her right out the front door. "Bam!"
Author: Kim Harrison
22. "I held my bag open and he dropped Jenks inside."Hey!" the pixy protested, and then, "Tink's little pink dildo, Rache? Haven't you gotten rid of those condoms yet? They got a shelf life, you know."
Author: Kim Harrison
23. "He screwed the glass dildo as deep as it would go inside her and traced letters on her clitoris with the tip of his tongue. P… she shuddered R… she arched I… she moaned N… she gasped his name C… "Lucien..." E… she came S… and came S… and she came."
Author: Kitty French
24. "Witches and sorcerers cultivated plants with the power to "cast spells" -- in our vocabulary, "psychoactive" plants. Their potion recipes called for such things as datura, opium poppies, belladona, hashish, fly-agaric mushrooms (Amanita muscaria), and the skin of toads (which can contain DMT, a powerful hallucinogen). These ingredients would be combined in a hempseed-oil-based "flying ointment" that the witches would then administer vaginally using a special dildo. This was the "broomstick" by which these women were said to travel. (119)"
Author: Michael Pollan
25. "It seemed harmless enough until she misplaced her "Dildo" and started calling the neighbors to ask if she could borrow one of theirs!"
Author: Mollie Gross
26. "You don't shower or shave for a month, until you smell like a sewer. Then you walk around for two weeks wearing a dress and a goalie mask with a dildo strapped to the front. That's what I did. And I will never be afraid of public humiliation again."
Author: Neil Strauss
27. "Tilli stroked her Chihuahua. Max's heart made a sound like the sleigh bells on Mrs. Santa Claus's dildo."
Author: Tom Robbins
28. "Hack, hack, hack. I wouldn't pay twenty-five cents to spit on a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. And I think she's a horrible person, too. I know her...So arrogant, so sure of herself. I'm sure she's carrying a dildo in her purse."
Author: Truman Capote

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