Top Funny Beginners Quotes

Browse top 27 famous quotes and sayings about Funny Beginners by most favorite authors.

Favorite Funny Beginners Quotes

1. "Pride is a funny thing; it can make what is truly worthless appear to be a treasure."
Author: Alice Hoffman
2. "The mind wants to live forever, or to learn a very good reason why not. The mind wants the world to return its love, or its awareness... The mind's sidekick, however, will settle for two eggs over easy. The dear, stupid body is easily satisfied as a spaniel. And, incredibly, the simple spaniel can lure the brawling mind to its dish. It is everlastingly funny that the proud, metaphysically ambitious mind will hush if you give it an egg."
Author: Annie Dillard
3. "Jack the Hellhound: "Make sure you get a booth in the back so they don't see you in assassin-gear and more importantly, to keep the handsome dog hidden."Robert Knight: "Where's the handsome dog? All I see is an ugly mutt!"Jack the Hellhound: "You're so funny I'm busting a gut."
Author: Ben Garvey
4. "Will. For a moment her heart hesitated. She remembered when Will had died, her agony, the long nights alone, reaching across the bed every morning when she woke up, for years expecting to find him there, and only slowly growing accustomed to the fact that side of the bed would always be empty. The moments when she had found something funny and turned to share the joke with him, only to be shocked anew that he was not there. The worst moments, when, sitting alone at breakfast, she had realized that she had forgotten the precise blue of his eyes or the depth of his laugh; that, like the sound of Jem's violin music, they had faded into the distance where memories are silent."
Author: Cassandra Clare
5. "But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know."
Author: Charlie Sheen
6. "It's the cushiest job, but some lines are so funny that I crack up."
Author: Dan Castellaneta
7. "A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever. One is not meant to laugh. One stays quiet and marvels. Spontaneously witty talk is without question the most fascinating entertainment there is."
Author: Diana Vreeland
8. "Make time for prayer and reflection; try to understand your value as a man on earth but see, too, your proper place in the scheme of things. It may sound funny to say this, but I have come to see that we are all far more important and less important than we think."
Author: Elizabeth Berg
9. "My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken, normal human beings while I'm just a lunatic. I don't know where this loud, ballsy, hammy ridiculousness came from. I'm just glad I followed my goals and my parents did too. It's not like we even had a plan when I dragged my mom to Los Angeles."
Author: Emma Stone
10. "Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don't mind, I'm the Cool Girl."
Author: Gillian Flynn
11. "Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do."
Author: Graham Norton
12. "I can't not find humor in elements of most parts of life, but at the same time nothing ever seems perpetually funny to me."
Author: Greg Kinnear
13. "Either I'm funny or the world's funny. I don't know which. The bottle and lid don't fit. It could be the bottle's fault or the lid's fault. In either case, there's no denying that the fit is bad."
Author: Haruki Murakami
14. "Since beginners can only remain in contact with the object of observation for short periods, initially one should meditate in brief sessions even eighteen times a day; in due course stability will be achieved of its own accord, at which time the session can be lengthened. It is important not to try at first to meditate for long periods; otherwise, upon sight of the meditation cushion, one will feel nausea and laziness. The session should be left while it is going well, when one still feels that it would go well if continued."
Author: Jeffrey Hopkins
15. "I love those dark moments in Peanuts. I love that they're in there, that Charles Schulz put the sad lonely bits of himself into the comic. I love the silliness too, the dancing Snoopy strips. The little boy Rerun drawing "basement" comics about Tarzan fighting Daffy Duck in a helicopter. Those are the bits that keep me reading. The funny parts! The fun parts. The silly bits that don't make any sense. And when I get to the sad lonely Peppermint Patty standing in a field wondering why nobody shook hands and said "good game," well, it works because that's not all she was. I try to think that way about everything. That's the kind of person I want to be."
Author: Joey Comeau
16. "You have to make a lot of sacrifices, and the main thing you have to sacrifice is your privacy. It's funny because when I was growing up, my daddy was and still is an insurance agent in our home town. He couldn't go anywhere without somebody recognizing him or needing something from him."
Author: Josh Turner
17. "I am eternally grateful for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, reason enough to feel honored to be alive, no matter what else might be going on."
Author: Kurt Vonnegut
18. "I didn't grow up identifying with beauty. I grew up thinking I could be smart and funny - those are the things I got feedback on."
Author: Lauren Graham
19. "It is funny how you do not miss affection until it is given, but once it is, it can never be enough; you would drown in it if possible."
Author: Libba Bray
20. "Until now, until I actually got into law class, I just never thought of it as being an interest for me, but it's really funny because now that I'm in law, I'm like 'Wow, I could be a lawyer."
Author: Lisa Leslie
21. "The gate is perfectly simple," Temeraire said. "There is only a bar across the fence, which one can lift very easily, and then it swings open; Nitidus could do it best, for his forehands are the smallest. Though it is difficult to keep the animals inside the pen, and the first time I learned how to open it, they all ran away," he added. "Maximus and I had to chase after them for hours and hours--it was not funny at all," he said, ruffled, sitting back on his haunches and contemplating Laurence with great indignation."
Author: Naomi Novik
22. "I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too."
Author: Randall Munroe
23. "Very slowly using two fingers, Annabeth drew her dagger. Instead of dropping it, she tossed it as far as she could into the water. Octavian made a squeaking sound. "What was that for? I didn't say toss it! That could've been evidence. Or spoils of war!"Annabeth tried for a dumb-blonde smile, like: Oh, silly me. Nobody who knew her would have been fooled. But Octavian seemed to buy it. He huffed in exasperation. "You other two..." He pointed his blade a Hazel and Piper. "Put your weapons on the dock. No funny bus--"All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth's dagger. "You dropped this," he said, totally poker-faced."
Author: Rick Riordan
24. "I don't really necessarily think I'm a funny guy, but I like the opportunity to take on something that I don't feel I'm the best at doing."
Author: Seann William Scott
25. "When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group."
Author: Shirin Ebadi
26. "We all have our funny little ways. Except me, obviously."
Author: Terry Pratchett
27. "James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was."
Author: Will Ferrell

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Luisa, es peligroso pasar días enteros con la cabeza abatida sobre el pecho, las manos inertes, la mirada vaga; es peligroso buscar las avenidas sombrías y no participar de las diversiones que regocijan los corazones de las las jóvenes; es peligroso, Luisa, escribir con a punta del pie; como sueles hacer, sobre la arena, letras que, por más que te apresures a borrarlas; siempre aparecen por debajo del talón, principalmente cuando esas letras se asemejan más a una L que a una B; es peligroso, en fin, forjarse allá en la mente mil extrañas ilusiones, fruto de la soledad y de los dolores de cabeza; esas ilusiones socavan las mejillas de una pobre muchacha al mismo tiempo que su cerebro, y no es cosa rara ver en esas ocasiones a una persona de amable y risueño trato volverse taciturna y fastidiosa, y a la de más talento convertida en una imbécil."
Author: Alexandre Dumas

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