Top Funny Homeland Security Quotes

Browse top 25 famous quotes and sayings about Funny Homeland Security by most favorite authors.

Favorite Funny Homeland Security Quotes

1. "Eagleton has spent his life inside two mental boxes, Catholicism and Marxism, of both of which he is a severe internal critic—that is, he frequently kicks and scratches at the inside of the boxes, but does not leave them. Neither are ideologies that loosen their grip easily, and people who need the security of adherence to a big dominating ideology, however much they kick and scratch but without daring to leave go, hold on to it every bit as tightly as it holds onto them. The result is of course strangulation, but alas not mutual strangulation: the ideology always wins."
Author: A.C. Grayling
2. "In a funny way, nothing makes you feel more like a native of your own country than to live where nearly everyone is not."
Author: Bill Bryson
3. "If you think technology can solve your security problems, then you don't understand the problems and you don't understand the technology."
Author: Bruce Schneier
4. "You know, 'Jake 2.0' had some funny things in it; I mean, I needed my sense of humor to do that part."
Author: Christopher Gorham
5. "Here's the funny thing about the response I've been aware of to my dating famous people: It's been very negative. I'm either not good-looking enough, not a good enough actor or not successful enough for these people."
Author: Dax Shepard
6. "Ports are the gaping hole in America's homeland security."
Author: Dianne Feinstein
7. "My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken, normal human beings while I'm just a lunatic. I don't know where this loud, ballsy, hammy ridiculousness came from. I'm just glad I followed my goals and my parents did too. It's not like we even had a plan when I dragged my mom to Los Angeles."
Author: Emma Stone
8. "I lived at admiralty house from 2002 until 2006 on advice from special branch on security grounds as defence secretary. The alternative of providing comprehensive security at my personal property would have entailed significant extra costs to the taxpayer."
Author: Geoff Hoon
9. "It's funny how guilty people start to question your spirituality and education only because they have nothing to say that will justify their faults."
Author: J.B. Albano
10. "It was funny how heartbreak turned into great art."
Author: Jennifer Probst
11. "Other countries, such as Israel, successfully employ behavior detection techniques at their airports, but the bloated, ineffective bureaucracy of TSA has produced another security failure for U.S. transportation systems."
Author: John Mica
12. "I do not own a single security anywhere that doesn't pay a dividend, and I formed a mutual-fund company with that very simple philosophy."
Author: Kevin O'Leary
13. "Our National Guard, as I think everybody knows, has provided about 40 percent of the boots on the ground in Iraq and in the conflict against Islamofascism. They went into that battle, being called up for their national security service, short of equipment."
Author: Kit Bond
14. "Security is like virginity: you're either a virgin or you're not. You either have security or you don't."
Author: Lennart Meri
15. "Flutters awakened inside her as he fitted his hands at her waist. "What if I don't like it? What if I want you to stop?""You'll have a safe word. The second you say it, I'll stop.""What if I forget my safe word?"His lips twitched. "All you have to do is answer a security question, and I'll send you an e-mail to reset it."
Author: Lisa Kleypas
16. "I tried to instill a different motivation, to give them the security and the conviction that they were doing something good, something necessary, something useful - if you want to use a grandiose expression, that they were doing something for peace."
Author: Markus Wolf
17. "I'm going away anyway. I am. Do you hear me? I may be ugly and clumsy, but one thing I am not, I'm not retarded. I may be ugly and clumsy, but one thing I am not, I'm not retarded. There's nothing wrong with my brain. Do you know what the Teacher Ghosts say about me? They tell me I'm smart, and I can win scholarships. I can get into colleges. I've already applied. I'm smart. I can do all sorts of things. I know how to get A's, and they say I could be a scientist or a mathematician if I want. I can make a living and take care of myself. So you don't have to find me a keeper who's too dumb to know a bad bargain. I'm so smart, if they say write ten pages, I can write fifteen. I can do ghost things even better than ghosts can. Not everyone thinks I'm nothing. I am not going to be a slave or a wife. Even if I am stupid and talk funny amd get sick, I won't let you turn me into a slave or a wife. I'm getting out of here. I can't stand living here anyore. It's your fault I talk weird."
Author: Maxine Hong Kingston
18. "We need to strengthen and save Social Security for today's workers. If we don't act now, this system, born out of the New Deal, will become a bad deal."
Author: Mitch McConnell
19. "Then he smiles because he knows deep in his bones that his dad has gone and said something really funny probably. He kicks off his sheet and slides his feet into his slippers. Bunny sits in the living room, slumped low on the sofa, full of Geoffrey's Scotch and Poodle's cocaine."
Author: Nick Cave
20. "Depends. (Adron)On? (Livia)Whether or not they're plotting against you. Taryn's like a head injury. It's only funny when it happens to someone else. And Tiernan…I think there's now a hurricane on Chrinon VI named after him. (Adron)"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
21. "How ironic that when they'd been married, she'd never thought of growing old with him.Yet now, years after the annulment, she should think of it with the yearning of an exile, forthe homeland that had long ago evicted her."
Author: Sherry Thomas
22. "One funny image can sometimes save an otherwise mediocre strip. At least that's what I tell myself so I don't feel quite as crappy when I've just wasted four hours drawing and coloring a Sunday strip."
Author: Stephan Pastis
23. "That's because true travel, the kind with no predetermined end, is one of the most selfish endeavors we can possibly undertake-an act in which we focus solely on our own fulfillment, with little regard to those we leave behind. After all, we're the ones venturing out into the big crazy world, filling up journals, growing like weeds. And we have the gall to think they're just sitting at home, soaking in security and stability.It is only when we reopen these wrapped and ribboned boxes, upon our triumphant return home, that we discover nothing is the way we had left it before."
Author: Stephanie Elizondo Griest
24. "Being in the depths of the ocean was like being in the womb, suspended in a liquid environment, listening to my own breathing and heartbeat. Whether it was the serenity and security of being surrounded by this living liquid, or the total distraction of the adventure of the unknown which took me far away from the daily weight of the child abuse and violence at home, I sank beneath the surface, and if only for those few moments, was free."
Author: Tom North
25. "One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all."
Author: Zac Efron

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As Congress continues to debate ways to address illegal immigration, we must remember the many hard-working legal immigrants that contribute so much to our nation's economy and culture."
Author: Bob Filner

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