Top Granny Quotes

Browse top 86 famous quotes and sayings about Granny by most favorite authors.

Favorite Granny Quotes

1. "I've been staying after school getting help in trig from Laura Johnson. Shit, it's just school work. And it's fucking Laura, granny panties, Johnson! It's not like I've been secretly banging her as she whispers math problems in my ear or something."
Author: A. Meredith Walters
2. "A young girl would go into the wood as trustingly as Red Riding Hood to her granny's house but this light admits no ambiguities and, here, she will be trapped in her own illusion because everything in the woods is exactly as it seems."
Author: Angela Carter
3. "I'd like to cook for my granny one more time. I cooked for her a couple of times before she passed away, but I wasn't really old enough."
Author: Arthur Potts Dawson
4. "A mother's love: the sacred relationship of affording a nanny so as to be tolerated as a granny."
Author: Bauvard
5. "Great Granny Webster seemed to hate colours. Almost everything she owned was either black or dark brown."
Author: Caroline Blackwood
6. "I'm an absolute clean freak. I'll go to my friends' houses and even start cleaning. I'm such a granny at heart. My couch is my best friend."
Author: Cassie Scerbo
7. "One Monday, just for sport, Charlie grabbed an eggplant that a spectacularly wizened granny was going for, but instead of twisting it out of his hand with some mystic kung fu move as he expected, she looked him in the eye and shook her head - just a jog, barely perceptible really - it might have been a tic, but it was the most eloquent of gestures. Charlie read it as saying: O White Devil, you do not want to purloin that purple fruit, for I have four thousand years of ancestors and civilization on you; my grandparents built the railroads and dug the silver mines, and my parents survived the earthquake, the fire, and a society that outlawed even being Chinese; I am mother to a dozen, grandmother to a hundred, and great-grandmother to a legion; I have birthed babies and washed the dead; I am history and suffering and wisdom; I am a Buddha and a dragon; so get your fucking hand off my eggplant before you lose it."
Author: Christopher Moore
8. "My head is in another dimension. My feet are talking to their soles. My nose is detecting a hint of sweaty, overpumped poon. There's a spider corpse perpetually hanging on the wall next to my pillow that I don't have any desire to correct. My breath smells like Kuwait. My arms are doing the Crazy Granny Dance, and my hips are just plain jealous. I was born across the pond from a heretic's womb, and fathered by an equally atrocious Sinatra-obsessed lion tamer. If these are all the symptoms of a world-famous record producer whose lover has just ditched him for a career in straight porn, then becometh I the sum of all homoerotic fears. Now fetch me more scotch and someone to make use of my erection, preferably with their mouth."---Wolfgang Stephanopolis"
Author: Dave Matthes
9. "You can con God and get away with it, Granny said, if you do so with charm and wit. If you live your life with imagination and verve, God will play along just to see what outrageously entertaining thing you'll do next."
Author: Dean Koontz
10. "He'll also cut you some slack if you're astonishingly stupid in an amusing fashion. Granny claimed that this explains why uncountable millions of breathtakingly stupid people get along just fine in life."
Author: Dean Koontz
11. "Afghan GirlIce blue eyes that look to the morning sky as I knit the pieces and remnants of my life. I have No books, no paper, no pencils, and no black boards. I look at the holes in my life as I see the hills of the Appalachians that echo. I think to myself, who will I marry? Is my life-like Pari? These strings please come together. Snowflakes give me hope, and my dreams dance all around me. I‘ll put another log on the fire. I watch the brown paper bag over the broken glass pane letting the cold wind in; I'll take some of these remnants and stuff it.These strings are come together. Mama told me that life would be hard. I bartered for flour the other day, and the chickens ain't laying no eggs. I struggle with life and these strings. My hands are worn and tired. Now, I have granny square hands. I am unclean, unblemished, and finished, Afghan girl."
Author: Edna Stewart
12. "Granny sat down on the step and stared off into the trees. "That girl right there, she was my only child. I have lost two husbands, one by death, the other by divorce, and I have lost my parents and my brothers and sisters. But nothing ever pierced me to the core like that little girl's dying. I know it wasn't your daddy's fault. I know I messed up by filling a report to Social Services. Is that what you want to here? Is that what it takes for you not to be mad at me?"
Author: Frances O'Roark Dowell
13. "And LO and BEHOLD, I was on BOTH the six AND eleven o'clock newscasts!AND all the commercials, as well! (‘Day of the drag queen at one area high school, controversy at six!')And it must have been a slow night because I was the SECOND PIECE of the night! The granny suicide bomber got the lead. BITCH! But I managed to beat out the president's pulled groin and day six of the Jessica Simpson chapped-lip crisis!"
Author: James St. James
14. "Grannyma always said the Saints hide your fate in their pockets."
Author: Janice Hardy
15. "I love my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, but I'd take a bullet for my parents or my sister without a second thought.""Dude," Greg whispered,"you wouldn't take one for your granny?""No one's going to shoot my grandma," Jace said dismissively."
Author: Jay Bell
16. "Don't stop at the Ford's because they're at Gerald Flatt's," a short kid says in passing."Super dooper!" Granny's dentures clickity-clack. "Don't stomp on the Lord just because it's raining cats." She nods and adjusts her hearing aid. "Those are words to live by, little man!"
Author: Jenny B. Jones
17. "Granny always said finding justice was as tough as putting socks on a rooster."
Author: Jessica Maria Tuccelli
18. "Did Lovelace's forces find you? Did Jabor break in?"He spoke slowly through clenched teeth. "I went to get a newspaper"This is getting better and better! I shook my head regretfully. "You should leave such a dangerous assignment to people better qualified: next time ask an old granny, or a toddler-"
Author: Jonathan Stroud
19. "Resting on the roots of this old oak I lean back against his knotted trunk, shine my granny smith on my sleeve And ponder the days…"
Author: Kellie Elmore
20. "The Mustang growled into reverse, aiming straight for the old lady.Cassandra would have winced, even if she had been the most evil old woman on the face of the planet. Even if she had been granny-Hitler, she would have winced at the idea of running her down. But the thing standing in the road looked nothing like an old woman anymore."
Author: Kendare Blake
21. "You, sir," I said, "have all the dignity of a badger with the clap. Shark shit has more fiber than you. I'm going to tie your nuts-first to a monkey's cage and make a mix tape of the resulting noise. Then I'm going to take a bag of marshmallows and a pair of granny panties and-"...... He didn't want to know what I was going to do with those granny panties. Surprisingly, Granuaile did. "Sensei, what were you going to do with those marshmallows and panties?" she whispered as we walked together. "I mean, I'm sure it had to be dire, but it just didn't sound as threatening as the potential havoc a monkey could wreak on his sack.""There was more to that recipe," I admitted. "He cut me off before I could get to the Icy Hot and the gopher snake."
Author: Kevin Hearne
22. "Listen, I must be 110 by now. Granny is going to kick the bucket at some point."
Author: Maggie Smith
23. "If it's me and yer granny on bongos, it's the Fall."
Author: Mark E. Smith
24. "I think my mother's and Granny's storytelling had had the same effect upon me when a child, as the reading of books: my mind was stimulated, my creativity encouraged."
Author: Mark Mathabane
25. "Granny beads are what they're called when a grandma works the garden all day - you always see them - they have a handkerchief around their neck with a lot of dust on them, and then the sweat will go down and make these black beads of sweat and dirt around their neck. And that's what they call granny beads."
Author: Randy Houser
26. "It's Dana! She's back early." He ran his hand frantically over Mitch's neat, blonde hair. "What's she want? What's she doing here?"Maybe she wants Reese's pot back""This is my chance! She's here alone. She wants me. Quick." He yanks my arm and dragged me to the stairs. I cried out in suprise."Get out of sight. Throw that away.""I'm not throwing this away! Besides, you don't think she'll notice that your whole fucking house smells like this? Jesus. Your pupils are the size of her granny panties. Virtuous or not, she isn't stupid."
Author: Richelle Mead
27. "I live on an island called Ireland where most of the music is shite. I grew up listening to "Danny Boy"; I grew up hating Danny Boy, and all his siblings and his granny. "The pipes, the pipes are caw-haw-hawing." Anything with pipes or fiddles or even - forgive me, Paul - banjos, I detested. Songs of loss, of love, of going across the sea; songs of defiance and rebellion - I vomited on all of them."
Author: Roddy Doyle
28. "My granny Torrelli says when you are angry with someone, so angry you are thinking hateful things, so angry maybe you want to punch them, then you should think of the good things about them, and the nice things they've said, and why you liked them in the first place." -Rosie/Granny Torrelli"
Author: Sharon Creech
29. "Man, my girl is one tough chick when she wants to be. I wonder if it has something to do with thosebig, comfy granny panties she's got on."
Author: Simone Elkeles
30. "When I look in the mirror, I sometimes think I'm getting old, but then I have two generations behind me so that helps puts things into perspective. I am a grandmother now, but at least my nine-year-old grandson Jude calls me Glamma and not Granny."
Author: Stephanie Beacham
31. "And now you're off to Port Caynn. Watch them sailor lads. They'll have your skirts up and a babe in your belly afore you know what you're about.""Everyone keep warning me about sailors," I complained. "Why can't someone tell the sailors to stay clear of me?"Granny snorted. "Oh, you're the fierce one now! Just take care no one else catches you unawares and knocks you on the nob!"
Author: Tamora Pierce
32. "How can I ever make you understand Cassie and me? I would have to take you there, walk you down every path of our secret shared geography. The truism says it's against all odds for a straight man and woman to be real friends, platonic friends; we rolled thirteen, threw down five aces and ran away giggling. She was the summertime cousin out of storybooks, the one you taught to swim at some midge-humming lake and pestered with tadpoles down her swimsuit, with whom you practiced first kisses on a heather hillside and laughed about it years later over a clandestine joint in your granny's cluttered attic. She painted my fingernails gold and dared me to leave them that way for work…We climbed out her window and down the fire escape and lay on the roof of the extension below, drinking improvised cocktails and singing Tom Waits and watching the stars spin dizzily around us.No."
Author: Tana French
33. "And Granny Weatherwax was pretty damn powerful. She was probably an even more accomplished witch than the infamous Black Aliss and everyone knew what happened to her at the finish."
Author: Terry Pratchett
34. "There should be people around, shouldn't there? Vimes was hazy on rural issues, but weren't there supposed to be charcoal burners, woodcutters, and . . . he tried to think . . . little girls taking goodies to granny? The stories Vimes had learned as a kid suggested that all forests were full of bustle, activity, and the occasional scream. But this place was silent."
Author: Terry Pratchett
35. "." Granny said, and cleared her bone-dry throat for a second try. "Esk?"
Author: Terry Pratchett
36. "Listen, happy endings is fine if they turn out happy," said Granny, glaring at the sky. "But you can't make 'em for other people. Like the only way you could make a happy marriage is by cuttin' their heads off as soon as they say ‘I do', yes? You can't make happiness…"
Author: Terry Pratchett
37. "She never sent the castle to sleep", said Granny, "that's just and old wife's tale. She just stirred up time a little. It's not as hard as people think, everyone does it all the time. It's like rubber, is time, you can stretch it to suit yourself."Magrat was about to say: That's not right, time is time, every second lasts a second, that's its job. The she recalled weeks that had flown past and afternoons that had lasted forever. Some minutes had lasted hours, some hours had gone past so quickly she hadn't been aware they'd gone past at all."But that's just people's perception, isn't it?""Oh yes", said Granny, "of course it is, it all is, what difference does that make?"
Author: Terry Pratchett
38. "...Granny Weatherwax, who had walked nightly without fear in the bandit-haunted forests of the mountains all her life in the certain knowledge that the darkness held nothing more terrible than she was..."
Author: Terry Pratchett
39. "My granny used to say if you're too sharp you'll cut yourself,"
Author: Terry Pratchett
40. "She waited with Billy Slick while Carrot went on the errand, and for something to say, she said, ‘Billy Slick doesn't sound much like a goblin name?' Billy made a face. ‘Too right! Granny calls me Of the Wind Regretfully Blown. What kind of name is that, I ask you? Who's going to take you seriously with a name like that? This is modern times, right?' He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human – human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls... the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress."
Author: Terry Pratchett
41. "I saved a man's life once," said Granny. "Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I'd bought it from the dwarves. That's the biggest part of doct'rin, really. Most people'll get over most things if they put their minds to it, you just have to give them an interest."
Author: Terry Pratchett
42. "Magrat liked to think she was good with children, and worried that she wasn't. She didn't like them very much, and worried about this too. Nanny Ogg seemed to be effortlessly good with children by alternately and randomly giving them either a sweet or a thick ear, while Granny Weatherwax ignored them for most of the time and that seemed to work just as well."
Author: Terry Pratchett
43. "Granny looked up at the zombie. He was - or, technically, had been - a tall, handsome man. He still was, only now he looked like someone who had walked through a room full of cobwebs.'What's your name, dead man?' she said."
Author: Terry Pratchett
44. "I heard this story once," she said, "where this bloke got locked up for years and years and he learned amazin' stuff about the universe and everythin' from another prisoner who was incredibly clever, and then he escaped and got his revenge.""What incredibly clever stuff do you know about the universe, Gytha Ogg?" said Granny."Bugger all," said Nanny cheerfully."Then we'd better bloody well escape right now."
Author: Terry Pratchett
45. "Blessings be on this house," Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people's minds on what other things might be on this house."
Author: Terry Pratchett
46. "Ella turned to the fireplace where a blackened kettle hung over what Granny Weatherwax always called an optimist's fire: two logs and hope."
Author: Terry Pratchett
47. "But you ain't part of it, are you?" said Granny conversationally. "You try, but you always find yourself watchin' yourself watchin' people, eh? Never quite believin' anything? Thinkin' the wrong thoughts?"
Author: Terry Pratchett
48. "Hah!" said Granny Weatherwax. "I should just say it is a folk song! I knows all about folk songs. Hah! You think you're listenin' to a nice song about...cuckoos and fiddlers and nightingales and whatnot, and then it turns out to be about...something else entirely," she added darkly."
Author: Terry Pratchett
49. "Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it."
Author: Terry Pratchett
50. "Merrill Krause - "My brothers have scared off just about any fellow who showed interest in getting to know me."Granny Lassiter - "Well, if a man can't stand up to those brothers of yours, you needn't even consider him. A man ought to be able to hold his own with his wife's family."
Author: Tracie Peterson

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You parents and you families whose lives must be reordered because of a handicapped one, whoseresources and time must be devoted to them, are special heros. You are manifesting the works of Godwith every thought, with every gesture of tenderness and care you extend to the handicapped loved one.Never mind the tears nor the hours of regret and discouragement; never mind the times when you feelyou cannot stand another day of what is required. You are living the principles of the Gospel of JesusChrist in exceptional purity. And you perfect yourself in the process", 6 April 1991"
Author: Boyd K. Packer

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