Top Jackass Quotes

Browse top 82 famous quotes and sayings about Jackass by most favorite authors.

Favorite Jackass Quotes

1. "I'm glad I found you.""Gee, that makes exactly one of us," I muttered, not bothering to look at him. "Say, don't you have a wife to go bone?""You knew I was married all along, Topher." He sounded weary, as though I was being bothersome. Jackass."
Author: Amelia C. Gormley
2. "Galen?""Hmm?""You can put me down now.""I'm not ready yet." He tightens his hold."You don't have to hold—""Emma? Can you hear me?""Uh, yes. I can hear fine. I just can't see—""That's a relief. Because for a minute there, I thought maybe you didn't hear me when I said I'm not ready yet.""Jackass."
Author: Anna Banks
3. "The penguins love Emma. They waddle around, dive in and out of their pool, call out to her. She laughs. "They sound like donkeys!""Maybe you can talk to donkeys, too," Dr. Milligan smiles.Emma nods. "I can. Sometimes Galen can be a jackass."
Author: Anna Banks
4. "Maybe you can talk to donkeys, too," Dr. Milligan smiles. Emma nods. "I can sometimes Galen can be a jackass.""That hurts my feelings, Emma," Galen says, trying to look hurt."
Author: Anna Banks
5. "But...you're not passing out, you're just sleeping? There's a difference."I yawn again. "Just sleep. Maybe I just need a nap."He nods into my hair. "You did look tired today after school.""You can put me on the couch now."He doesn't move, just keeps rocking me. Staying alert is a slippery slope right now."Galen?""Hmm?""You can put me down now.""I'm not ready yet." He tightens his hold."You don't have to hold-""Emma? Can you hear me?""Uh, yes. I can hear fine. I just can't see-""That's a relief. Because for a minute there, I thought maybe you didn't hear me when I said I'm not ready yet.""Jackass."He chuckles into my hair. "Go to sleep."It's the last thing I remember."
Author: Anna Banks
6. "They?" he said, sounding apprehensive."Me. They're like me.""Don't be a jackass," Roswell said, but not meanly. "No one's like you."
Author: Brenna Yovanoff
7. "Check her out. She?s fuckin? hot.""Wedding band," I say."She sings in one?""No, jackass. She's wearing one."
Author: Caprice Crane
8. "No' is golden. 'No' is the kind of power the good witch wields. It's the way whole, healthy, emotionally evolved people manage to have relationships with jackasses while limiting the amount of jackass in their lives."
Author: Cheryl Strayed
9. "So release yourself from that. Don't be strategic or coy. Strategic and coy are for jackasses. Be brave. Be authentic. Practice saying the word 'love' to the people you love so when it matters the most to say it, you will."
Author: Cheryl Strayed
10. "I've even got one for you, too, Ellie.""Wow, thank you, Marcus.""The second one was supposed to be mine," he admitted with a shrug. "But since I don't want to look like a jackass, I'll give it to you. See what a nice guy I am?"I rolled my eyes at him. "God, Marcus, you're the sweetest guy ever."He grinned stupidly. "Actually, that's not true. I got it for you to begin with, because you two are attached at the hip and I figured you'd show up together. You're so predictable."
Author: Courtney Allison Moulton
11. "From Pearls and Poison… "In two minutes the cops are going to come barreling though that door," I whispered to Auntie KiKi hoping to get her mind off the body in the back room. "Any suggestions how we tell these workers out here their candidate just croaked?" "Yell The jackass bit the big one, hip-hip hooray Gloria wins, then run like the dickens before someone recognizes us."
Author: Duffy Brown
12. "And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass."
Author: Elizabeth Eulberg
13. "You already made your point," I say with a mouthful of fruit. "Did I?""Oh, for the love of dick, yes. Now leave me alone." "Never. If you want, I'll fuck you now." The gall. I wouldn't fuck him now if my clit was on fire and needed to be doused with nub-saving cum. I roll my eyes at him. "No thanks, we have a lifetime of fucking ahead of us," I say mockingly. He shrugs and starts to walk away as if it makes no difference to him one way or the other. He's such a jackass sometimes. Before I can stop myself I throw my half-eaten banana at him and it hits him on the back of his neck. He spins around, wipes his neck and looks down at the banana on the floor. "Did you really just fruitally assault me?"He thinks he's so damned funny with his wordplay."
Author: Ella Dominguez
14. "I can take a joke," she tells me, sounding insulted. "Yeah? When?" "When it's not being delivered by a childish jackass who thinks he's God's gift to women." "I am not childish." God's gift on the other hand? My record speaks for itself. "Oh, bite me." I wish."
Author: Emma Chase
15. "Dealing with jackasses on every front today. Good thing I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. (Charlie Sheen Reference)"
Author: Greg Campbell
16. "Atticus had urged them to accept the state's generosity in allowing them to plead Guilty to second-degree murder and escape with their lives, but they were Haverfords, in Maycomb County a name synonymous with jackass. The Haverfords had dispatched Maycomb's leading blacksmith in a misunderstanding arising from the alleged wrongful detention of a mare, were imprudent enough to do it in the presence of three witnesses, and insisted that the son-of-a-bitch-had-it-coming-to-him was a good enough defence for anybody."
Author: Harper Lee
17. "An artist is like a woman who can do nothing but love, and who succumbs to every stray male jackass."
Author: Heinrich Böll
18. "Well, when it became obvious that magic was going to wreck the computer networks, people tried to preserve portions of the Internet. They took snapshots of their servers and sent the data to a central database at the Library of Congress. The project became known as the Library of Alexandria, because in ancient times Alexandria's library was said to contain all the human knowledge, before some jackass burned it to the ground."
Author: Ilona Andrews
19. "Every jackass going the roads thinks he has ideas."
Author: James Joyce
20. "We rode to the airport hand in hand, and I giggled as I watched Travis stare at his wedding band without apology. His eyes held the peaceful expression I was becoming accustomed to."When we get back to the apartment, I think it will finally hit me, and I'll quit acting like such a jackass.""Promise?" I smiled.He kissed my hand and then cradled it in his lap between his palms. "No."I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder."
Author: Jamie McGuire
21. "No, I can't die because there are too many jackasses falling over themselves to take my place! I may live forever just to spite them!"
Author: Jamie McGuire
22. "I am thinking that I don't want this to happen. I don't want to die. I don't want my friends to die. And to be honest, as the time slows down and my hands are in the air, I am afforded the chance to think one more thought, and I think about her. I blame her for this ridiculous, fatal chase--for putting us at risk, for making me into the kind of jackass who would stay up all night and drive too fast. I would not be dying were it not for her. I would have stayed home, as I have always stayed home, and I would've been safe, and I would have done the one thing I have always wanted to do, which is to grow up."
Author: John Green
23. "Air ye deaf, lass?"I think. He might have called me a hairy jackass"
Author: Karen Marie Moning
24. "You told me i was your world.It wasn't me. I was an animal." My heart pounded. My cheeks burned. You never wanted it to end. "Why are you being such a jackass, slamming me in the face with my own humiliation?"Humilation? That's what you call this? He forced a more detailed reminder on me. I swallowed. Yes, I certainly remembered that. "I was out of my mind. I‘d never have done it otherwise." Really, his dark eyes mocked, and in them I was demanding more, telling him I wanted it to always be this way. I remembered what he'd replied: that one day I would wonder if it was possible to hate him more."
Author: Karen Marie Moning
25. "To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all."
Author: Karl Kraus
26. "Listen, I gather you have a problem working with a psychic. Believe me, I don't like working with a jackass any better."
Author: Kim Harrington
27. "The rasp in his voice did her in. It wasn't the lazy boredom of a jackass who wanted a warm place to stick his dick. It was edgy."
Author: Kit Rocha
28. "You're a disgusting, shallow, womanizing jackass, and I hope that soda stains your preppy little shirt." Just before I marched away, i looked over my shoulder and added, "And my name isn't Duffy. it's Bianca. we've been in the same homeroom since middle school, you selfabsorbed son of a bitch."
Author: Kody Keplinger
29. "Why did that jackass have to sit next to me?"
Author: Kody Keplinger
30. "- He's arrogant, and he sleeps with everything he can get his filthy hands on. Most of time, I just want to claw his creepy eyes out. How could I like him? He's a jackass.- And girls love jackasses. That's why I can't get a date. I'm too damn nice."
Author: Kody Keplinger
31. "People hate it when you call them on jackassery. That's a big fact of human nature: Not a lot of people want to be called on being assholes. They prefer to do their assholishness in the dark and cover it up with fancy words. Because they don't mind being evil - they just hate being evil where people might see."
Author: Lili St. Crow
32. "If your going to be a jackass then do it outside of your home, as your home is supposed to be a place of love and safety, it's your sanctuary from the outside world. The only place where we can truly be accepted."
Author: Lisa Marie Main
33. "Jessica: "You great drunken jackass!"Dain: "I did not give you leave to use my Christian name."
Author: Loretta Chase
34. "Son of a bitch!" Cash erupted. "He's wearing Nate's guns." Reese had been too occupied gazing into those eyes to notice the oddity of a gun belt strapped around a naked waist. Cash was right. Those were Nate's pretty pearl pistols. Reese had never liked those guns. He liked them even less now. "Sullivan, ask him where he got those," Cash demanded. "What gave you the idea I can speak Comanche?" "Because you are one?" "You're a jackass, but I don't expect you to talk to a donkey." "This is no time to be funny, breed." "Then quit trying so hard."
Author: Lori Handeland
35. "Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass."
Author: Mark Twain
36. "'Jackass: The Movie' is great. I think it's in the tradition of physical comedy, which I'm really interested in. Its relationship to gravity, and how gravity acts on the body."
Author: Matthew Barney
37. "The woman held out a hand to Chloe. "Name's Kitty.""This is a very vivid hallucination," Chloe told her."And that's Jack… short for jackass," Kitty continued as if Chloe hadn't spoken."
Author: Melissa Marr
38. "He's practically stalking me. He just won't let it go. He's just being … he's being a jackass with a flaky jackass crust and a delicious jackass filling.""So he's jackass pie?"
Author: Molly Harper
39. "I haven't dated Clancy—God help me if I do—but he's tipping my all-men-are-jackasses theory completely over the edge of the scale. To add insult to injury, he looks like the damn cover of a romance novel. I hate those covers."
Author: N.L. Gervasio
40. "How to Comfort Yourself When You Have Acted Like a JackassEveryone does this occasionally, and you shouldn't feel too upset about it unless it happens quite often, such as three times a day, in which case you must simply get used to it. Remember, other people like you as well or better for it, because it makes them feel so superior; so you've spread a little sunshine. And at the very least, you've served as a bad example."
Author: Peg Bracken
41. "Jackass!" Eve yelled."You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome," Shane said."
Author: Rachel Caine
42. "Problem?" a silky voice murmured.I ignored Torin and turned my attention to the stack of notebooks near the couch."I am sorry for what I said about your father this morning," he said. "It was beneath me."I still didn't say anything."Being trapped thus is incredibly frustrating for me, and occasionally I take it out on others. Again, I apologize. Now, if you'd like, I can help you with what you're seeking."Knowing I'd probably regret it, I crossed the rom and yanked the canvas off the mirror. As before, he was sitting on the table, smirking at me."Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?"Torin laughed long and loud at that, and I saw that his teeth were slightly crooked. Seeing as how he was from the sixteenth century, I guess he was lucky to have any teeth at all."Oh, I do like you," he said, wiping tears from his eyes. "All these bloody warrior women are so serious. It's nice to have a real wit around the place again."
Author: Rachel Hawkins
43. "He squinted, as if he could shut out my damned, unreasonable request, then relaxed and opened his eyes again. "I'm an Aeolus, okay?""A what?" Kat asked."Like on a breast?" Scott looked at him in confusion. Kat buried her face in one of her hands."Like a windkeeper, you jackass."
Author: Robert J. Crane
44. "How about this?" I said, because now it was the principle of the thing. "I'm sorry, jackass."
Author: Rosemary Clement Moore
45. "What? It's a fair sacrifice. If you've got to be with one chick for the rest of your life, then you should at least get to go out with a bang. Or two. Or three." Anna raised a perfectly arched brow. "Really? Would you want some jackass to do that with our daughter?" "Fuck no. I'll chop the little bastard's balls off if he tries that kind of shit on my girl," he scowled."
Author: S.C. Stephens
46. "Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one."
Author: Sam Rayburn
47. "You look more of less the same."She strode right past him. "And you still look like a jackass," she said sweetly."
Author: Sarah J. Maas
48. "'He'll probably end up angling for a threesome. Then I'll have to get my animal name so I can be a part of the group. So Native American of you white boys. I'll probably go for something like Falcon. Or Wolf.' 'Jackass suits you better,' Anna intones."
Author: T.J. Klune
49. "So, what—you just walk right past me? Don't even say hello?" He clutches the socks to his chest. "I'm crushed. I saved us a table and everything."I glance at him. Keep walking.He catches up. "I'm serious. Do you have any idea how awkward it is to wave at someone and have them ignore you? And then you're just looking around like a jackass, trying to be all, ‘No, really, I swear, I know that girl' and no one believes y—"
Author: Tahereh Mafi
50. "Oh, sweetie, you are a jackass. I love you, but you are dumber than a one legged duck in an ass kicking contest when pigs fly."
Author: Tara Sivec

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If they hurt you, you don't need them in your life," he said. "Family is about love, not blood."
Author: Bethenny Frankel

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