Top Jeeves Quotes

Browse top 38 famous quotes and sayings about Jeeves by most favorite authors.

Favorite Jeeves Quotes

1. "We'll build our own home."The promise curled around her heart, a vivid ray of sunlight. "In Manhattan?""Of course." A slow, slow smile. "What kind of mansion would you like?"Damn, but the archangel was playing with her again. The sunshine grew, filled her veins."Actually, I kind of like yours." She slid her arms around his neck. "Can I have it? Oh, and can I have Jeeves, too? I've always wanted a butler.""Yes."She blinked. "Just like that?""It's only a place.""We'll make it more," she promised, her mouth to his. "We'll make it ours."
Author: Nalini Singh
2. "Jeeves," I said, when I had washed off the stains of travel, "tell me frankly all about it. Be as frank as Lady Bablockhythe."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
3. "Oh, Jeeves," I said, "did Peabody and Simms send those soft silk shirts?""Yes, sir. I sent them back.""Sent them back!""Yes, sir."I eyed him for a moment. But I mean to say. I mean, what's the use?"Oh, all right," I said. "Then lay out one of the gents' stiff-bosomed.""Very good, sir," said Jeeves."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
4. "You see, I had decided - rightly or wrongly - to grow a moustache, and this had cut Jeeves to the quick. He couldn't stick the thing at any price, and I had been living ever since in an atmosphere of bally disapproval till I was getting jolly well fed up with it. What I mean is, while there's no doubt that in certain matters of dress Jeeves's judgment is absolutely sound and should be followed, it seemed to me that it was getting a bit too thick if he was going to edit my face as well as my costume. No one can call me an unreasonable chappie, and many's the time I've given in like a lamb when Jeeves has voted against one of my pet suits or ties; but when it comes to a valet's staking out a claim on your upper lip you've simply got to have a bit of the good old bulldog pluck and defy the blighter."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
5. "What would Jeeves do that for?""It struck me as rummy, too."..."I mean to say, it's nothing to Jeeves what sort of a face you have!""No!" said Cyril. He spoke a little coldly, I fancied. I don't know why. "Well, I'll be popping. Toodle-oo!"
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
6. "Tell him my future is in his hands and that, if the wedding bells ring out, he can rely on me, even unto half my kingdom. Well, call it ten quid. Jeeves would exert himself with ten quid on the horizon, what?"
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
7. "I wonder the food didn't turn to ashes in our mouths! Eggs! Muffins! Sardines! All wrung from the bleeding lips of the starving poor!""Oh, I say! What a beastly idea!"...Jeeves came in to clear away, and found me sitting among the ruins. It was all very well for Comrade Butt to knock the food, but he had pretty well finished the ham; and if you had shoved the remainder of the jam into the bleeding lips of the starving poor it would hardly have made them sticky."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
8. "One of the rummy things about Jeeves is that, unless you watch like a hawk, you very seldom see him come into a room."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
9. "All roll and butter and a small coffee seemed the only things on the list that hadn't been specially prepared by the nastier-minded members of the Borgia family for people they had a particular grudge against, so I chose them. ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster - The Inimitable Jeeves"
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
10. "Jeeves, Mr Little is in love with that female.""So I gathered, sir. She was slapping him in the passage."I clutched my brow."Slapping him?""Yes, sir. Roguishly."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
11. "I appear inadvertently to have caused much trouble, sir.""Jeeves!" I said."Sir?""How much money is there on the dressing-table?""In addition to the ten-pound note which you instructed me to take, sir, there are two five-pound notes, three one-pounds, a ten-shillings, two half-crowns, a florin, four shillings, a sixpence, and a halfpenny, sir.""Collar it all," I said. "You've earned it."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
12. "Jeeves," I said, "those spats.""Yes, sir?""You really dislike them?""Intensely, sir.""You don't think time might induce you to change your views?""No, sir.""All right, then. Very well. Say no more. You may burn them.""Thank you very much, sir. I have already done so. Before breakfast this morning. A quiet grey is far more suitable, sir. Thank you, sir."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
13. "-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter"
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
14. "The blighter's manner was so cold and unchummy that I bit the bullet and had a dash at being airy."Oh, well, tra-la-la!" I said."Precisely, sir," said Jeeves."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
15. "I'm lonely, Jeeves.''You have a great many friends,sir.''What's the good of friends?''Emerson,' I reminded him,'says a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature,sir.''Well, you can tell Emerson from me next time you see him that he's an ass.''Very good, sir."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
16. "I looked round the place. The moment of parting had come. I felt sad. The whole thing reminded me of one of those melodramas where they drive chappies out of the old homestead into the snow.'Good-bye, Jeeves,' I said.'Good-bye, sir.'And I staggered out."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
17. "I say Bertie old man I am in love at last. She is the most wonderful girl Bertie old man. This is the real thing at last Bertie. Come here at once and bring Jeeves. Oh I say you know that tobacco shop in Bond Street on the left side as you go up. Will you get me a hundred of their special cigarettes and send them to me here. I have run out. I know when you see her you will think she is the most wonderful girl. Mind you bring Jeeves. Don't forget the cigarettes. - Bingo."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
18. "Brookfield, my correspondent, writes that last week he observed him in the moonlight at an advanced hour gazing up at his window.""Whose window? Brookfield's?""Yes, sir. Presumably under the impression that it was the young lady's.""But what the deuce is he doing at Twing at all?""Mr Little was compelled to resume his old position as tutor to Lord Wickhammersley's son at Twing Hall, sir. Owing to having been unsuccessful in some speculations at Hurst Park at the end of October.""Good Lord, Jeeves! Is there anything you don't know?""I couldn't say, sir."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
19. "In the spring, Jeeves, a livelier iris gleams upon the burnished dove.""So I have been informed, sir.""Right ho! Then bring me my whangee, my yellowest shoes, and the old green Homburg. I'm going into the Park to do pastoral dances."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
20. "Jeeves," I said, "listen attentively. I don't want to give the impression that I consider myself one of those deadly coves who exercise an irresistible fascination over one and all and can't meet a girl without wrecking her peace of mind in the first half-minute. As a matter of fact, it's rather the other way with me, for girls on entering my presence are mostly inclined to give me the raised eyebrow and the twitching upper lip."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
21. "I don't know when I've experienced a more massive silence than the one that followed my reading of his cheery epistle. Young Bingo gulped once or twice and practically every known emotion came and went on his face. Jeeves coughed one soft, low, gentle cough like a sheep with a blade of grass stuck in its throat, and then stood gazing serenely at the landscape."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
22. "I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves"
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
23. "We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. "Nothing further Jeeves", I said with quiet dignity."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
24. "Abandon the idea, Jeeves. I fear you have not studied the sex as I have. Missing her lunch means little or nothing to the female of the species. The feminine attitude toward lunch is notoriously airy and casual. Where you have made your bloomer is confusing lunch with tea. Hell, it is well known, has no fury like a woman who wants her tea and can't get it. At such times the most amiable of the sex become mere bombs which a spark may ignite." Bertie Wooster"
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
25. "It's brain," I said; "pure brain! What do you do to get like that, Jeeves? I believe you must eat a lot of fish, or something. Do you eat a lot of fish, Jeeves?""No, sir.""Oh, well, then, it's just a gift, I take it; and if you aren't born that way there's no use worrying."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
26. "I suppose even Dictators have their chummy moments, when they put their feet up and relax with the boys, but it was plain from the outset that if Roderick Spode had a sunnier side, he had not come with any idea of exhibiting it now. His manner was curt. One sensed the absence of the bonhomous note....Here he laid a hand on my shoulder, and I can't remember when I have experienced anything more unpleasant. Apart from what Jeeves would have called the symbolism of the action, he had a grip like the bite of a horse."Did you say 'Oh yes?'" he asked."Oh no," I assured him."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
27. "Oh, Jeeves,' I said; 'about that check suit.'Yes, sir?'Is it really a frost?'A trifle too bizarre, sir, in my opinion.'But lots of fellows have asked me who my tailor is.'Doubtless in order to avoid him, sir.'He's supposed to be one of the best men in London.'I am saying nothing against his moral character, sir."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
28. "I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
29. "On broader lines he's like those chappies who sit peering sadly over the marble battlements at the Pennsylvania Station in the place marked "Inquiries." You know the Johnnies I mean. You go up to them and say: "When's the next train for Melonsquashville, Tennessee?" and they reply, without stopping to think, "Two-forty-three, track ten, change at San Francisco." And they're right every time. Well, Jeeves gives you just the same impression of omniscience."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
30. "There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
31. "As I stood in my lonely bedroom at the hotel, trying to tie my white tie myself, it struck me for the first time that there must be whole squads of chappies in the world who had to get along without a man to look after them. I'd always thought of Jeeves as a kind of natural phenomenon; but, by Jove! of course, when you come to think of it, there must be quite a lot of fellows who have to press their own clothes themselves and haven't got anybody to bring them tea in the morning, and so on. It was rather a solemn thought, don't you know. I mean to say, ever since then I've been able to appreciate the frightful privations the poor have to stick."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
32. "You are falling into your old error, Jeeves, of thinking that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
33. "I don't want to seem always to be criticizing your methods of voice production, Jeeves, I said, but I must inform you that that 'Well, sir' of yours is in many respects fully as unpleasant as your 'Indeed, sir?"
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
34. "Jeeves, I'm engaged.""I hope you will be very happy, sir.""Don't be an ass. I'm engaged to Miss Bassett."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
35. "I turned round and Jeeves shied like a startled mustang."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
36. "The silly ass had left the kitchen door open, and I hadn't gone two steps when his voice caught me squarely in the eardrum.'You will find Mr Wooster', he was saying to the substitue chappie, 'an extremely pleasant and amiable young gentleman, but not intelligent. By no means intelligent. Mentally he is negligible - quite negligible'.Well, I mean to say. What!I suppose, strictly speaking, I ought to have charged in and ticked the blighter off properly in no uncertain voice. But I doubht whether it is humanly possible to tick Jeeves off."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
37. "Jeeves.""Sir?""Are you busy just now?""No, sir.""I mean, not doing anything in particular?""No, sir. It is my practice at this hour to read some improving book; but, if you desire my services, this can easily be postponed, or, indeed, abandoned altogether."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
38. "Sex does not enrich or deepen a relationship, it permanently cheapens and destabilises one. Everyone I know who is unfortunate enough to have a sex-mate, joy-partner, bed-friend, love-chum, call them what you will finds that--after a week or two of long blissful afternoons of making the beast with two backs, or the beast with one back and a funny shaped middle or the beast with legs splayed in the air and arms gripping the sides of the mattress--the day dawns when Partner A is keen for more swinking, grinding, and sweating and Partner B would rather turn over and catch up with Jeeves and Bertie."
Author: Stephen Fry

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My first glance is always at a woman's sleeve. In a man it is perhaps better first to take the knee of the trouser."
Author: Arthur Conan Doyle

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