Top Joking Quotes

Browse top 156 famous quotes and sayings about Joking by most favorite authors.

Favorite Joking Quotes

1. "I once jokingly told someone that every book is like a relationship. They're four or five years long - that's not so bad. They're serious. They demand a lot of attention. But I remember thinking that I wanted to have one with someone who's not so crazy and peculiar and demanding."
Author: A.M. Homes
2. "Apparently, smiling and joking was an additional sign that I needed "real help." And so I initiated Operation Don't Smile Ever. It's been a very succesful operation. We have perplexed many an enemy."
Author: A.S. King
3. "Perhaps her shoes would say something; Mma Makutsi had told her once, jokingly— and she must have been joking— told her that her shoes occasionally gave her advice. Well, perhaps they could tell her not to be so bossy. They must have witnessed it after all— shoes see everything; there are no secrets we can keep from our shoes."
Author: Alexander McCall Smith
4. "I never stopped joking around long enough to realize you weren't laughing anymore."
Author: Alexandra Potter
5. "It's always the accent that drives you American women crazy. I'd no idea you fancied it, too…" he trailed off."Oooh, fancied it. Say more like that," I begged, smiling into the pillow."Like what, Grace?""Talk British to me," I whispered, only half joking."Dustbins.""More," I encouraged."Crumpets.""More!" I demanded."Knickers."If I could hear Jack Hamilton say a second word for the rest of my life, it would be knickers."Say put another shrimp on the barbie!" I cried."Grace, that's Australian," he chided."Say it!""Fine. Put another shrimp on the barbie. Bloody hell," he muttered."Aaaahhhhhhh!" I screamed into the phone."
Author: Alice Clayton
6. "My dad keeps joking about sneaking into my grandparents' house and switching out their HBO for PBS so they think I'm on 'Downton Abbey.'"
Author: Allison Williams
7. "I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, 'Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.'"
Author: Anna Torv
8. "I jokingly refer to the word 'gourmet' as the 'g' word."
Author: Arthur Schwartz
9. "I have always viewed thinking about arguing, about questioning, pushing back with, joking, about sharing and discovering the world and the news as enjoyable, the same way that I view watching basketball."
Author: Chris Hayes
10. "God? Nope." requel's smile told me she was joking around to make this easier for me "santa clause? No again."
Author: Claudia Gray
11. "In high school, a teacher once suggested that I be a math major in college. I thought, 'Me? You've got to be joking!' I mean, in junior high, I used to come home and cry because I was so afraid of my math homework. Seriously, I was terrified of math."
Author: Danica McKellar
12. "My mom is just someone who's easy to talk to and hang with. My sister, it's always cool to be able to help her out with things. My brother is fun when we're just joking and messing around. And my dad is someone who's helpful with my music and easy to talk to about that stuff because he understands me in that sense."
Author: David Archuleta
13. "Never call a girl fat, even if you're joking."
Author: Demi Lovato
14. "An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said.'I could have tripped.'She stared at him. A moment dragged by.'I'm joking,' he said at last.She relaxed. 'Really?''Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful."
Author: Derek Landy
15. "By the way, all joking aside, do I call you Ghastly or Elder Bespoke?' 'You can call me whatever you like.'Vex nodded. 'Thank you, Gladys."
Author: Derek Landy
16. "We're here on Sanctuary business," Skulduggery tried.The man on Deadfall's right bristled, and Deadfall grinned. "Hear that, Pete? They're with that Sanctuary."Hokum Pete snarled. "I hate the Sanctuary.""Oh," Skulduggery said."We all hate the Sanctuary.""Ah. Then we're not here on Sanctuary business. I was just joking."
Author: Derek Landy
17. "This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is.""Okay."Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?""No, only joking. Do your worst."
Author: Derek Landy
18. "--Even losing you (a joking voice, a gesture/ I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident/ the art of losing's not too hard to master/ though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster."
Author: Elizabeth Bishop
19. "Can't you ever stop joking?""No, why should I? Laughter is one of the two things that make life worthwhile. Aren't you going to ask what the other one is?"
Author: Elizabeth Peters
20. "Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.George!Only joking, Mum."
Author: J.K. Rowling
21. "He bowed jokingly, and everyone laughed as Mrs.Anderson shook her head. "Did you even read the material?""of course I did.""Who was the leader of the North?""Lincoln.""No, he was the president.""Yes, which means he was the fucking leader of everyone."-- Carmine"
Author: J.M. Darhower
22. "You dance really well.""I took ballet lessons."She tilted her head back to search his face, certain he was joking. "You did not.""I did. Several of us on the team did. Good for coordination."Resisting the laugh that bubbled up in her throat, she said, "Somehow I can't picture you in tights and a tutu."But he did laugh. "We made sure no one with a camera got within miles of the studio."
Author: Jaci Burton
23. "He murmers into my hair, "Forget what I said earlier, let's stick with this, I might not survive anything more." I laugh. Then he jumps up, finds my wrists, and pins them over my head. "Yeah, right. Totally joking, I want to do everything with you, whenever you're ready, I'm the one, promise?" He's above me, batting and grinning like a total hooplehead."I promise," I say."Good. Glad that's decided." He raises an eyebrow. "I'm going to deflower you, John Lennon."
Author: Jandy Nelson
24. "They?re from my best friend," I said. "They?re from my best gay friend, Curtis Chapman." He stood there, frozen, possibly thinking I was joking. "Curtis won?t be back. He got out… he was saved. He won?t have to be called names, picked on, tortured, and assaulted anymore. He?s gone to a different school, and your days of bullying him are over." "Jon, the kid?s a fag!" "And he?s my best friend, and I love him… and so does God"
Author: Jeff Erno
25. "CUSTOMER: I'm always on night shift at work.BOOKSELLER (jokingly): Is that why you're buying so many vampire novels?CUSTOMER (seriously): You can never be too prepared."
Author: Jen Campbell
26. "I love you."I stared stupidly at him. Was he joking again, reciting another line from my story? I didn't remember writing this.He leaned in and kissed me. I didn't respond for a few seconds. My mind lagged behind what my body was feeling."Say it," he whispered against my lips. "I know this is hard for you. Tell me.""I love you." Hearing my own words, I gasped at the rush of emotion.He put his hands on either side of my jaw and took my mouth with his."
Author: Jennifer Echols
27. "I jokingly call this convergence of games into reality the 'Gamepocalypse:' the moment when every moment of life is actually a game."
Author: Jesse Schell
28. "I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny."
Author: Jim Morrison
29. "As Ian's father had once jokingly remarked of their gifted son, "Ian permits us to raise him because he loves us, not because he thinks we're smarter than he is. He already knows we aren't, but he doesn't want to wound our sensibilities by saying so."
Author: Judith McNaught
30. "You are the strangest girl I've ever met," he said, like he thought I was joking. He picked up his water bottle and gave me a sideways glance. "Have you ever kissed anybody?" he asked, and took a sip.I smirked. "There aren't a whole lot of opportunities in the digital world. I did practice on my hand once. It didn't do anything for me."Justin coughed on the water he was swallowing and I slapped my hand over my mouth."Did I just say that out loud?" I mumbled.He was half coughing, half laughing. "Yes, you did," he managed to say."Delete, delete, delete," I said, and pushed an imaginary button in the air. "I really miss that feature.""No, that's the good stuff. People always want to delete the good stuff." His eyes lit up. "That's a cool idea, though. What would you say, right now, if you could immediately delete it, so no one read it?"
Author: Katie Kacvinsky
31. "Life is too short not to do a little practical joking."
Author: Krista Allen
32. "I do this thing for Rosie, you sleep with me"I stared at him, open-mouthed and in stunned silence. I did, of course, understand what he meant but he explained further. "Not like last night, we'll both be naked and sexual acts will be performed."My expression didn't change except maybe my mouth opened wider."I'll expect your participation."Holly shit."Your avid participation."Dear Lord in Heaven. Eventually, I whispered, "You must be joking."He shook his head and watched me.I dropped my eyes, unable to hold his stqare."I think I need more coffee," I told his throat."
Author: Kristen Ashley
33. "Lee has surveillance on Fortnum's, cameras and bugs, twenty-four seven. He put it in when I was going through my drama and never took it out. The boys at the office watch for security purposes and… um, for kicks." I stared at her. "You're joking," I breathed."
Author: Kristen Ashley
34. "RULES OF LYING:1. Figure out your lie before you open your mouth.2. Play on your opponent's sympathies and weaknesses3. Dance around the lie with distracting truth. They're far more convincing.4. Picture the lie in your head as if it were the truth. They want to see how it's coming up.5. Never forget which is the lie and which is the truth.6. If you say something that brings you trouble, pretend that was actually the lie. Lie and say you were joking before, and aren't you funny? It's a quick escape from a sticky situation. It's the liars trapdoor.7. Avoid it if at all possible.8. Keep up your poker face. Never have a "tell" or a physical gesture that will give yourself away and let your opponent know your bluffing."
Author: Kristin Walker
35. "We have to get Bugles," I tell her [...]"Oh, definitely Bugles," she says. "I'm going to get the sour cream and onion kind." She drops them into the basket she's holding."Good idea," I say, happy to be joking around, "And while we're at it, why don't we get some dip for them?""Better yet," Ava says. "Let's skip the Blugles and just eat dip." We both collapse into giggles."
Author: Lauren Barnholdt
36. "My husband's personality was filled with serenity and sunlight. Not even the incurable illness which fell upon him soon after our marriage could long cloud his brow. On the very night of his death he took me in his arms, and during the many months when he lay dying in his wheel chair, he often said jokingly to me: 'Well, have you already picked out a lover?' I blushed with shame. 'Don't deceive me,' he added on one occasion, 'that would seem ugly to me, but pick out an attractive lover, or preferably several. You are a splendid woman, but still half a child, and you need toys."
Author: Leopold Von Sacher Masoch
37. "You aren't angry " "You must be joking " she said dryly. "I'm alive Nicholas. And I'm immortal like you. This rocks"
Author: Lynsay Sands
38. "I regularly comment on my desire to exploit my admirers or to kill babies and cute animals, and I don't even need to laugh or smile for people to think I am joking."
Author: M.E. Thomas
39. "Joking and laughing as they headed off to their new life"
Author: Markee Anderson
40. "It's always awkward when someone doesn't realize you're joking and devotes thought time to what you've said. Double that when the person is wearing tinfoil."
Author: Maureen Johnson
41. "When my turn came, I said I hoped one day to be the dictator of an Islamic republic with nuclear capability; the others appeared shocked, and I was forced to explain that I had been joking."
Author: Mohsin Hamid
42. "How stupid, I thought dreamily, to have ever thought I could give this up. Not just the kissing, although, as Archer's hands cupped my face, I had toadmit that part was pretty awesome. But all of it: joking with him and working beside him. Being with a guy who was my friend and could stil makeme feel like this."
Author: Rachel Hawkins
43. "I like joking around and being a little mischievous. Once an audience or even a group of friends realizes that you're being benevolent about it, then they're along for the ride."
Author: Reggie Watts
44. "Abe's face came back into focus. "Greetings, Zmey," I said weakly. Somehow, him being here didn't surprise me. "Nice of you to slither on in." He shook his head, wearing a rueful smile. "I think you've outdone me when it comes to sneaking around dark corners. I thought you were on your way back to Montana." "Next time, make sure you write a few more details into your bargains. Or just pack me up and send me back to the U. S. For real." "Oh," he said, "that's exactly what I intend to do." He kept smiling as he said it, but somehow, I had a feeling he wasn't joking."
Author: Richelle Mead
45. "The Malinois breed bit so hard and well, and showed such bite commitment, they were jokingly called Maligators."
Author: Robert Crais
46. "Do you know where Blue is? Can you get him for me? Please?""Frederick," Bliss said. "Do you always bring a sword to a pool party? You are familiar with the concept of rust, I hope.""I - yes, of course," Freddie said, looking as if he wasn't sure whom to answer first, but deferring to the fairy out of respect for his magical elders. "I have it in case there's trouble, and I need to decapitate Fel - er, someone. Anyone, rather. Anyone in need of decapitation.""Frederick, that is very disturbing," Bliss said. "I do hope you're joking.""Where's Blue?" Mira shouted."
Author: Sarah Cross
47. "My joking answer to this question is that I leave a bowl of milk out on the back porch every night for the Idea Fairy. In the morning, the milk is gone and there's a brand-new shiny idea by the bowl."
Author: Sarah Zettel
48. "Excuse me?" Jess asked in disbelief. "This is Frozen Zarek I'm talking to, right? Not some weird pod person?"He shook his head at Jess's joking. "It's me, dickless.""Hey, now, that's way too personal. I don't need to know that much about you."
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
49. "I texted Kaidan, who was listed in my contacts under "James," for James Bond. He'd chosen it. He had me listed as "Hot Chick From Gig."Video chat in 30.His immediate response made me shake my head.Clothing optional?It was nice to know he could keep a sense of humor in the face of calamity. Or maybe he wasn't joking..."Are you two flirting?" Patti asked, her eyes darting to me from the road.I blushed and deleted his message."
Author: Wendy Higgins
50. "I was joking the other day about how my real life feels like a TV show, and my TV life feels real - because, to be on Thursday nights on NBC, which is what I grew up with, has been such a big part of inspiring me. To be part of that tradition is really completely surreal, and I'm so grateful."
Author: Whitney Cummings

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Even harder was describing his sense that Shroom's death might have ruined him for anything else, because when he died? when I felt his soul pass through me? I loved him so much right then, I don't think I can ever have that kind of love for anybody again. So what was the point of getting married, having kids, raising a family if you knew you couldn't give them your very best love?"
Author: Ben Fountain

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