Top Masturbate Quotes

Browse top 37 famous quotes and sayings about Masturbate by most favorite authors.

Favorite Masturbate Quotes

1. "If you masturbate, would that make you an incubator?"I eyed him sideways, struggling not to laugh at his nonplussed expression or the sharp bark of mock outrage that followed."
Author: Allison Pang
2. "Heart-Shaped Glasses (When the Heart Guides the Hand), the first single from Eat Me, Drink Me, features a video filmed by Titanic director James Cameron. In it, Manson croons to Wood, who – with bobbed hair, gloves and a demure frock – blankly masturbates in an audience of writhing lesbians, Manson's image reflected in her heart-shaped glasses. I wanted to like the song, but found Manson's threadbare voice and overdubbed music annoying, and the chorus - 'Don't break my heart/and I won't break your heart-shaped glasses' – suggested a pugilistic retribution ('Dump me, and I'll punch your lights out!') more in keeping with Norman Mailer than Nabokov."
Author: Antonella Gambotto Burke
3. "Please do not masturbate while I do your feet. I cannot take another moaning horny white woman this week."
Author: Avery Aster
4. "They had talked about doing audio man on man fiction at one time, but they realized that neither of them would be able to create a complete CD without running home to masturbate every hour or two."
Author: Brandon Shire
5. "I want to watch it again tonight even though I know I won't have enough time to masturbate over the scene where the woman is getting drilled to death by a power drill since I have a date with Courtney at seven-thirty at Cafe Luxembourg."
Author: Bret Easton Ellis
6. "The sex-positive brigade thinks my [virgin-until-married] friend is doomed to a lifetime of unsatisfying sex, she'll never have an orgasm, she's ashamed of her body, she's repressed, she's scarred, she's guilt-ridden, she'll never masturbate, she needs to see a shrink, she wants attention, she's a lesbian, her husband's gay, it's my responsibility to educate her, her father or priest molested her, she's been brainwashed by evil forces. Hmm. Sounds to me like she's pretty deviant--these are the sorts of comments usually reserved for queers, trannies, prostitutes, porn aficionados, S&M enthusiasts, and the rest of the freaks. Sounds like a Christian good girl just became "alternative." And where does that leave all the formulas?"
Author: Carson Brown
7. "There will be others, many others. You'll try desperately to digest a single word through the acronym-laden gibberish, while beginning to wonder what the point of all this is, and also why you didn't feel that staple you just sent into your thigh. You usually do. You'll wonder what your company even does. After six years, you have no idea what an information system is, do you? Maybe you should ask. Maybe that's how this ends. You'll imagine how poetic it would be to simply unmute yourself and say, "Sorry to interrupt, guys, but what's an information system?"Still, your mind will drift further, envisioning how much more tolerable this call would be if you could just slowly masturbate during it. So you do. You masturbate during it. And it's beautiful. Masturbating, invisible within your three-walled fortress. Invisible… invisible… practically invisible."
Author: Colin Nissan
8. "I was not gay.First, I masturbated to images of women. I fantasized about women. Sure, there were men in my fantasies, but they were always doing women. Everyone did that. There were never solo men in my fantasies. Or my porn-discounting the previous night's anomaly. Therefor, I wasn't gay."
Author: Dani Alexander
9. "I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said."
Author: Dave Matthes
10. "How miraculous it was, noted Diogenes, that whenever one felt that sort of urge, one could readily masturbate. But conversely how disheartening that one could not simply rub one's stomach when hungry."
Author: David Markson
11. "He looked as shocked as if I'd asked him to masturbate in front of me."
Author: Dia Reeves
12. "Unlike the millions who casually masturbate in solitude while looking at girlie pictures in Playboy and similar magazines, the massage man preferred an accomplice, an attendant lady of respectable appearance who would help him reduce the guilt and loneliness of this most lonely act of love."
Author: Gay Talese
13. "Many male habitues of massage parlors, like Talese, did not like solitary masturbation; in the parlance of the younger generation, it was a "downer." And yet to be masturbated by an appealing masseuse, to be in the physical presence of a woman with whom there was some communication and understanding, if not love, was gratifying and fun."
Author: Gay Talese
14. "Problem was, he couldn't masturbate his sexual desires away because he'd fry off his cock." Hector"
Author: Gena Showalter
15. "Curiously I was unmoved by my work. Unaffected by the act of murder, I had become entirely numb. I couldn't understand how such detachment was possible-- but I did some digging.What I discovered would have horrified me... if I was capable of being horrified. My augmentation had included the binding of my DNA to some of history's most notorious assassins. Are you not getting this? I'll say it in plain English--- I am the perfect killer in every sense of the word--- ---because--- ---I--- ---am--- ---every--- killer.I'm the act of change possessed in a revolver. I am revolution packed into a suitcase bomb. I am ever Mark David Chapman and every Charlotte Corday. I am Luigi Lucheni slow-dancing with Balthasar to the tune of semi-automatics, while Gavrilo Princip masturbates in the corner with bath-tub napalm. I am all of them and so much more... because I am going to live forever." Number Five"
Author: Gerard Way
16. "Fanatics have the look of people who do not masturbate but who think about it almost all time."
Author: Gregory David Roberts
17. "Don't castrate,But educate,At least to masturbate!"
Author: Himmilicious
18. "The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits--a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage."
Author: Hunter S. Thompson
19. "Puck Mulligan footed featly, trilling: I HARDLY HEAR THE PURLIEU CRY OR A TOMMY TALK AS I PASS ONE BY BEFORE MY THOUGHTS BEGIN TO RUN ON F. M'CURDY ATKINSON, THE SAME THAT HAD THE WOODEN LEG AND THAT FILIBUSTERING FILIBEG THAT NEVER DARED TO SLAKE HIS DROUTH, MAGEE THAT HAD THE CHINLESS MOUTH. BEING AFRAID TO MARRY ON EARTH THEY MASTURBATED FOR ALL THEY WERE WORTH.Jest on. Know thyself."
Author: James Joyce
20. "People are filing for divorce left and right. Now they're using those lefts and rights to masturbate."
Author: Jarod Kintz
21. "I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress."
Author: Jarod Kintz
22. "Any fool can masturbate, but it takes a real artist to make it look like sex."
Author: Jarod Kintz
23. "Your indignant behavior over the slightest perceived gender inequality makes it almost certain that inequality is what you masturbate to at night."
Author: Kitty Thomas
24. "Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?"
Author: Kresley Cole
25. "We all do it (or I used to-yes, once in a while, Franklin, what did you think?), we all know we all do it, but it isn't customary to say, "Honey, could you keep an eye on the spaghetti sauce, because I'm going to go masturbate."
Author: Lionel Shriver
26. "I'm a good citizen. I'm a good father. I recycle and I masturbate."
Author: Louis C.K.
27. "This religion gives you goals which are outside of reality. It enriches your fantasy life with ugliness. It fills you with ideas of guilt over the most common human experiences -- usually related to sex. In this room, right now, each of you, in your own lives, has agonized over the fact that you have masturbated. Masturbation isn't sinful. If it feels good -- do it. You have my blessing, and you yourself know how it relaxes you."
Author: Madalyn Murray O'Hair
28. "Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion, color or sexual habits, love life and your family."
Author: Madonna Ciccone
29. "I betcha masturbate while reading your books. He started imitating a woman's voice. "Oh fuck me harder, Flabio, oh yes, oh no, but we shouldn't , you're too big and I'm a virgin, but oh, you fit so right, but we still mustn't, we're not married, but oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, YES! ~ Dante"
Author: Marita A. Hansen
30. "Only a determined and resourceful scholar could establish manuscript precedence - but in the race to masturbate on a printed page Proust definitely came first."
Author: Michael Foley
31. "To masturbate is to imagine: physically."
Author: Mokokoma Mokhonoana
32. "Hey, Lindsey," Kellen said, "could I get that sandwich to go? I forgot that Owen and I have somewhere we need to be in ten minutes."…"Where?" Jacob asked.Kellen kicked him under the table. "You know. That thing we always do eight hours before a concert?""Masturbate?" Jacob said in all seriousness."
Author: Olivia Cunning
33. "Seizing an imaginary microphone, Dennis adopts a limp Estuary accent: 'Masturbating's changed a lot since I were a lad, Brian. In my day, we masturbated for the sheer love of it. Day and night we did it, all the kids on our estate, masturbating on the old waste ground, masturbating up against the wall of the house... I remember me mam coming out and shouting, "Stop that masturbating and come in for your tea! You'll never amount to anything if all you think about is masturbating!" Masturbating crazy we were. Your young masturbators today, though, it's all about the money, it's all about agents and endorsements. Sometimes I worry that the masturbating's in danger of being squeezed out altogether."
Author: Paul Murray
34. "Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate?"
Author: Robert Clark
35. "I'm speaking to you man to man," he said, "not doctor to patient. How much longer can you continue denying yourself? You can't live without warmth." "Warmth?" I said, sending him a 'shut up' message. "Yes. Sexual expression. David, you don't even masturbate." We were silent for at least a minute. My intrigues huddled within me like guerilla warriors, hiding behind other thoughts. Finally, I thought of something to say: "If we're going to talk man to man and not doctor to patient, then I don't think you should charge me for this hour."
Author: Scott Spencer
36. "There are two more turds, smaller ones, and when he has eaten these, residual shit to lick out of her anus. He prays that she'll let him drop the cape over himself, to be allowed, in the silk-lined darkness, to stay a while longer with his submissive tongue straining upward into her asshole. But she moves away. The fur evaporates from his hands. She orders him to masturbate for her. She has watched Captain Blicero with Gottfried, and has learned the proper style."
Author: Thomas Pynchon
37. "In itself a wall on which a panoramic view of a non-existent world is drawn does not change. But for a great deal of money you can buy a view from the window with a painted sun, a sky-blue bay and a calm evening. Unfortunately the author of this fragment will again be Ed—but even this is not important, because the very window the view is bought for is also only drawn in. Then perhaps the wall on which it is drawn is a drawing too? But drawn by whom and on what?He raised his eyes to the wall of the toilet as though in hopes of an answer there. Traced on the tiles in red felt-tip pen were the jolly, rounded letters of a brief slogan: "Trapped? Masturbate!"
Author: Victor Pelevin

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