Top Masturbation Quotes

Browse top 45 famous quotes and sayings about Masturbation by most favorite authors.

Favorite Masturbation Quotes

1. "A husband or wife did not have the right either to demand sex from his or her spouse or to refuse it, and there was a catalogue of forbidden sexual practices, notably homosexuality, bestiality, certain sexual positions, masturbation, the use of aphrodisiacs, and oral sex, which could incur a penance of three years' duration. Nor were people to make love on Sundays, holy days, or feast days, or during Lent, pregnancy, or menstruation. People believed that if these rules were disobeyed, deformed children or lepers might result."
Author: Alison Weir
2. "Well, people got attatched. Once you cut the umbilical cord they attatched to the other things. Sight, sound, sex, money, mirages, mothers, masturbation, murder, and Monday morning hangovers."
Author: Charles Bukowski
3. "Gratuitous masturbationof thepsyche."
Author: Charles Bukowski
4. "Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity, you will become a statistic."
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
5. "I also believe in cigarettes, cholesterol, alcohol, carbon monoxide, masturbation, the Arts Council, nuclear weapons, the Daily Telegraph, and not properly labeling fatal poisons, but above all else, most of all, I believe in the one thing that can come out of people's mouths: vomit."
Author: Dennis Potter
6. "Virtual sex, no matter how realistic, was really nothing but glorified, computer-assisted masturbation."
Author: Ernest Cline
7. "If originality is a "sense of novelty and freshness" then, in the act of constructing ourselves, originality is not the goal. We construct a self-portrait, relying on existing objects – books, quotes from authors and artists, images, art – that we are more than happy to show off to others for them to use as masturbation material or for the material by which they align themselves. This is the new action painting – the curational archive. The referential self portrait. The portrait of any other artist could be readily used to explain yourself, just reblog it and caption it with "same." The past consistently becomes the present, not through linear time, but through the constant reconstruction and relabeling of it."
Author: Gabby Bess
8. "Many male habitues of massage parlors, like Talese, did not like solitary masturbation; in the parlance of the younger generation, it was a "downer." And yet to be masturbated by an appealing masseuse, to be in the physical presence of a woman with whom there was some communication and understanding, if not love, was gratifying and fun."
Author: Gay Talese
9. "But I knew it was pure masturbation, because down in my gut I wanted nothing more than a clean bed and a bright room and something solid to call my own at least until I got tired of it. There was an awful suspicion in my mind that I'd finally gone over the hump, and the worst thing about it was that I didn't feel tragic at all, but only weary, and sort of comfortably detatched."
Author: Hunter S. Thompson
10. "There are times, however, and this is one of them, when even being right feels wrong. What do you say, for instance, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death? If making love might be fatal and if a cool spring breeze on any summer afternoon can turn a crystal blue lake into a puddle of black poison right in front of your eyes, there is not much left except TV and relentless masturbation. It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die."
Author: Hunter S. Thompson
11. "What was said about him, what the females needed to believe about him, was just oral masturbation for mouths that needed to be otherwise occupied."
Author: J.R. Ward
12. "Now, from this night, this coming morning, no matter how many beds I find myself in between now and my final bed, I shall never be able to have any more of those boyish, zestful affairs--which are, really, when one thinks of it, a kind of higher, or, anyway, more pretentious masturbation. People are too various to be treated so lightly. I am too various to be trusted."
Author: James Baldwin
13. "I make love in half. But that's because I'm much too romantic to refer to it as masturbation."
Author: Jarod Kintz
14. "And if I had a clone of myself, I'd seriously consider giving up my crime fighting to settle down in a serious relationship. Even though it would be a same sex relationship, dating your own clone definitely isn't gay. And even though you are related to yourself, dating your own clone is not incest either. It's merely self-love. It's more like masturbation mixed with conversation. How many times have you longed for a talking penis?"
Author: Jarod Kintz
15. "I could make dinner with one hand. Especially if I was serving Masturbation Stew."
Author: Jarod Kintz
16. "Poor boys are easier than middle-class or rich ones. Boys who've been busted are easier than boys who have not. Southern boys are easier than Northern boys. Marines are easier than Masturbation."
Author: John Valentine
17. "Jesus," Kerensky said, looking around. "You people. I have one of the most incredible experiences I'll ever have, talking with the one person who really gets me - who really understands me - and you're all down here thinking I'm performing some sort of time-travelling incestuous masturbation thing."
Author: John Scalzi
18. "Warning: This book contains graphic language, sex, lies, intrigue, clowns, kleptomania, anal sex, oral sex, mutual masturbation, bad driving, good cooking, and the missing head of a Justin Timberlake statue. Not for the sour of disposition."
Author: L.B. Gregg
19. "In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there's no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities."
Author: Les Claypool
20. "We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation."
Author: Lily Tomlin
21. "Writing is like a mental masturbation to me."
Author: Lina Lapina
22. "It sometimes strikes me that there is only one taboo left in young adult literature. By and large, no one complains any more when we write about drugs or sex. We can write about masturbation; terminal illness; the horrors of war; illegal organ transplants; matricide; the chilly delights of necrophilia; scenes of locker-room bukkake – none of this raises an eyebrow. No, the one thing which still causes people pause – the final hurdle – the last frontier – the one element which still gets a few adult readers up in arms about whether a book is appropriate for kids – is intelligence. Some adults still balk at the assumption that our readers, the teenagers of this country, are smart, and curious, and get a kick out of knowing things. One of the great things about writing YA today is that this is changing."
Author: M.T. Anderson
23. "This religion gives you goals which are outside of reality. It enriches your fantasy life with ugliness. It fills you with ideas of guilt over the most common human experiences -- usually related to sex. In this room, right now, each of you, in your own lives, has agonized over the fact that you have masturbated. Masturbation isn't sinful. If it feels good -- do it. You have my blessing, and you yourself know how it relaxes you."
Author: Madalyn Murray O'Hair
24. "Masturbation = Imagination + Activity. Worry = Imagination + Negativity."
Author: Mokokoma Mokhonoana
25. "Masturbation is the new polygamy."
Author: Mokokoma Mokhonoana
26. "I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor [Karen Berger]. She told me, "There's no masturbation in the DC Universe." To which my reaction was, "Well, that explains a lot about the DC Universe."
Author: Neil Gaiman
27. "I had a moral tutor, but never saw him (the only words of his I remember are 'The three pleasures of life -drinking, smoking, and masturbation')"
Author: Philip Larkin
28. "...Don't tell me he's bisexual! Don't tell me this is more of the guy in the hallway! Don't tell me he wants us to have it off together, Philip Roth fucking Philip Roth! That, I'm afraid, is a form of masturbation too fancy even for me."
Author: Philip Roth
29. "My words, my writing, my actions—these have never been for myself alone, either directly or indirectly. There is no such thing as an artist who creates art only for himself. That is masturbation."
Author: Pramoedya Ananta Toer
30. "Physics is to math what sex is to masturbation."
Author: Richard P. Feynman
31. "...I have this one nasty habit. Makes me hard to live with. I write......writing is antisocial. It's as solitary as masturbation. Disturb a writer when he is in the throes of creation and he is likely to turn and bite right to the bone... and not even know that he's doing it. As writers' wives and husbands often learn to their horror......there is no way that writers can be tamed and rendered civilized. Or even cured. In a household with more than one person, of which one is a writer, the only solution known to science is to provide the patient with an isolation room, where he can endure the acute stages in private, and where food can be poked in to him with a stick. Because, if you disturb the patient at such times, he may break into tears or become violent. Or he may not hear you at all... and, if you shake him at this stage, he bites..."
Author: Robert A. Heinlein
32. "Art is the process of evoking pity and terror, which is not abstract at all but very human. What the self-styled modern artists are doing is a sort of unemotional pseudointellectual masturbation . . . whereas creative art is more like intercourse, in which the artist must seduce -- render emotional -- his audience, each time."
Author: Robert A. Heinlein
33. "I stumble downstairs unsure, but hopeful to find more masturbation material. When I find the living room completely quiet and empty, I almost shed a tear."
Author: Sadie Grubor
34. "Masturbation is when you rub your genitals until you have an orgasm. Wow!"
Author: Stephen Chbosky
35. "In the opinion of this researcher, a great many of the people who have researched the Carrie White matter - either for the scientific journals or for the popular press - have placed a mistaken emphasis on a relatively fruitless search for incidents of telekinesis in the girl's childhood. To strike a rough analogy, this is like spending years researching the early incidents of masturbation in a rapist's childhood."
Author: Stephen King
36. "Most board meetings amount to little more than intellectual masturbation. They are ideas that cause thrills, chills, and satisfaction, but there is no impregnation. Nothing is ever born of them. It's intellectual masturbation."
Author: Steve Maraboli
37. "Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled,ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff."
Author: Susan Donovan
38. "Cycling, like masturbation, is fun and easy to do - sometimes all day long."
Author: Tom Doig
39. "Among our egocentric sad-sacks, despair is as addictive as heroin and more popular than sex, for the single reason that when one is unhappy one gets to pay a lot of attention to oneself. Misery becomes a kind of emotional masturbation."
Author: Tom Robbins
40. "Pornography, in my opinion, has been much misunderstood, for it doesn't develop sex fiends and send them roaming alleyways - it is an anodyne for the sexually oppressed and unrequited, for what is the aim of pornography if not to stimulate masturbation? And surely masturbation is the pleasanter alternative for men "on the muscle," as they say in horse-breeding circles."
Author: Truman Capote
41. "I think that at a certain age, say fifteen or sixteen, poetry is like masturbation. But later in life good poets burn their early poetry, and bad poets publish it. Thankfully I gave up rather quickly."
Author: Umberto Eco
42. "He absent-mindedly fondled his crotch and then whipped his hand away.No masturbation,he suddenly decided.He tried to think about this but sustained logical thought on one topic was difficult and unnecessary.No,i am not wasting any semen on Madna.It was an impulse,but he felt that he should record it.In the diary under that date,he wrote,'From today no masturbation.Test your will,you bastard'. Then he wondered at his bravado.No masturbation at all?That was impossible."
Author: Upamanyu Chatterjee
43. "But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!"
Author: Woody Allen
44. "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love."
Author: Woody Allen
45. "Pure sex is masturbation with a real partner who functions as a prop for our indulging in fantasies, while it is only through love that we can reach the … Other."
Author: ZIZEK

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I can be a horrible actor, but I make a move that makes a money I'm secured a job."
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