Top Median Quotes

Browse top 311 famous quotes and sayings about Median by most favorite authors.

Favorite Median Quotes

1. "No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader."
Author: Adam Carolla
2. "I was actually pretty shy in school. My defense mechanism was to be the class clown. I remember getting into a lot of trouble for being disruptive, and I was brought in front of the headteacher, who said: 'What's going to happen to you; what are you going to do when you grow up?' and I said: 'Well, I'm obviously going to be a comedian.'"
Author: Adam Clayton
3. "I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny 'stuff' but yet could not make the people laugh; then, again - I have seen others whose stuff was anything but humorous, and the audience would howl with laughter."
Author: Al Jolson
4. "A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere."
Author: Allan Carr
5. "I was stuck in the benefits of being a known comedian."
Author: Andrea Martin
6. "I want to have fun. Life ain't no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I'm a comedian; I ain't no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love."
Author: Bernie Mac
7. "Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes."
Author: Bill Burr
8. "A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny."
Author: Bobby Darin
9. "De todos los vicios, sólo la cobardía es puramente dolorosa: horrible de anticipar, horrible de sentir, horrible de recordar; el ocio tiene sus placeres. En consecuencia, el odio es a menudo la compensación mediante la que un hombre asustado se resarce de los sufrimientos del miedo. Cuanto más miedo tenga, más odiará. Y el odio es también un antídoto de la vergüenza.Escrutopo"
Author: C.S. Lewis
10. "I want to be a little more dramatic nowadays. I definitely want something big and funny, but I look for things that can just have people see me in a different light and let me mature as both an entertainer and an actor and a comedian."
Author: Cedric The Entertainer
11. "I didn't become a comedian to work this hard."
Author: Chelsea Handler
12. "Gillette--The best a man can get."I stared at the screen. What happened to me? I was meant to be one of those guys, vigorous and athletic and successful and, most of all, American. I was going to walk on the moon, be a movie star or a rock got or a comedian. I was going to have an amazing life and kids with Helen and die like Chaplin a thousand years from now in my Beverly Hills mansion surrounded by my adoring family, with the grieving world media standing by. Instead, I was just another show-business mediocrity. A drunk who shat his pants and ran for help. My life had been careless and selfish. Pleasure in the moment was my only thought, my solitary motivation. I had disappointed whoever had been foolish enough to love me, and left them scarred. I was a very long way from being the best a man can get."
Author: Craig Ferguson
13. "Comedians talk to other comedians the way jazz musicians can talk to each other."
Author: David Steinberg
14. "Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian."
Author: David Zucker
15. "My only goal as a comedian was to stomp the life out of the model-minority myth."
Author: Eddie Huang
16. "I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. What's the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo."
Author: Gabriel Iglesias
17. "Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist."
Author: George Burns
18. "Such was the number of the barbarians, that when they shot forth their arrows the sun would be darkened by their multitude." Dieneces, not at all frightened at these words, but making light of the Median numbers, answered "Our Trachinian friend brings us excellent tidings. If the Medes darken the sun, we shall have our fight in the shade."
Author: Herodotus
19. "A wise man (or the first comedian in history) once said, "If you wish to make God laugh, tell him your plans." This is why during praying, I occasionally slip in my business plans. If there were an internet of somekind in heaven, my story would've been forwarded to everyone even before lunch break."
Author: Isman H. Suryaman
20. "HECKLER: Say something funny!COMEDIAN: I don't do requests."
Author: J. Ross Clara
21. "The funniest part of that joke is, 'say what you will about Hitler'."-to Ricky Gervais on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee"
Author: Jerry Seinfeld
22. "Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did."
Author: Jimmy Durante
23. "Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken."
Author: Joe Rogan
24. "El comedor y la biblioteca de mis recuerdos eran ahora, derribada la pared medianera, una sola gran pieza desmantelada, con uno que otro mueble. No trataré de describirlos, porque no estoy seguro de haberlos visto, pese a la despiadada luz blanca. Me explicaré. Para ver una cosa hay que comprenderla. El sillón presupone el cuerpo humano, sus articulaciones y partes; las tijeras, el acto de cortar. ¿Qué decir de una lámpara o de un vehículo? El salvaje no puede percibir la biblia del misionero; el pasajero no ve el mismo cordaje que los hombres de a bordo. Si viéramos realmente el universo, tal vez lo entenderíamos. "Extracto del relato THERE ARE MORE THINGS"
Author: Jorge Luis Borges
25. "Something I always admire, especially in female comedians, is that they're willing to make themselves look terrible."
Author: Jorma Taccone
26. "It's still amazing to me to walk down the halls of 'SNL.' You see pictures of the greatest comedians we grew up worshiping, basically. It's crazy to be able to still work there."
Author: Jorma Taccone
27. "Privatize-se tudo, privatize-se o mar e o céu, privatize-se a água e o ar, privatize-se a justiça e a lei, privatize-se a nuvem que passa, privatize-se o sonho, sobretudo se for diurno e de olhos abertos. E finalmente, para florão e remate de tanto privatizar, privatizem-se os Estados, entregue-se por uma vez a exploração deles a empresas privadas, mediante concurso internacional. Aí se encontra a salvação do mundo... e, já agora, privatize-se também a puta que os pariu a todos."José Saramago, in Cadernos de Lanzarote - Diário III, pag. 148"
Author: José Saramago
28. "I was like a Borscht Belt comedian trapped in the body of a 6-year-old. I was channeling Jackie Mason at 7."
Author: Josh Gad
29. "As a comedian, I think you need to keep things real."
Author: Judah Friedlander
30. "I'm happy to say that I'm a lesbian in the world. I know there are people who don't want to be called women comedians, but I think it gives a path to the fact that we live in extremely patriarchal times."
Author: Kate Clinton
31. "The problem is you make the tricks look good. You are a brilliant acrobat, and a witty comedian. You are skillful. People want a fool to be foolish--trip on banana peels and grin and spout nonsense. These men want fools to make them feel better about themselves, not to remind them what they lack."
Author: Kelli Swofford Nielsen
32. "[...]los misterios de la atracción no siempre podían explicarse mediante la lógica. A veces, las fisuras de dos almas separadas pueden ser lo que las une."
Author: Lisa Kleypas
33. "I think my speeches are hilarious. I think I'm a natural comedian, but I like denying people the chance to laugh. I want to deny you the relief of the punchline."
Author: Lydia Lunch
34. "Oh yeah, I'd love to be a comedian. I've done a lot, but always in the confines of plays."
Author: Michael Gambon
35. "I like the comedians that go into detail and tell longer stories."
Author: Michael Showalter
36. "I see myself as a comedian rather than a female comedian. I happen to be a woman, but I am a comedian by trade."
Author: Miranda Hart
37. "I'm no way one of those comedians who want to do drama. I really do love comedies. I hope to go back to it."
Author: Molly Shannon
38. "For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them."
Author: Natasha Leggero
39. "Las Vegas has become a child's picture-book dream of a city-here a storybook castle, there a sphinx-flanked black pyramid beaming white light into the darkness as a landing beam for UFOs, and everywhere neon oracles and twisting screens predict happiness and good fortune, announce singers and comedians and magicians in residence or on their way, and the lights always flash and beckon and call. Once every hour a volcano erupts in light and flame. Once every hour a pirate ship sinks a man o'war."
Author: Neil Gaiman
40. "A comedian is sort of like a wild animal. It really just depends on where you catch them. Sometimes they want to cuddle up, and sometimes they'll snap at you. But for me, more often than not, if I'm talking to somebody who makes their living in comedy, it'll be a very thoughtful conversation driven from an emotionally honest place."
Author: Nick Kroll
41. "Y si eres tan lista como pareces, deberías saber que es una estupidez creer que la ciencia lo resuelve todo. A veces suceden cosas. Cosas que la física o las mates o esa mierda que se mide en el laboratorio no puede explicar. Las personas no pueden reducirse mediante leyes o principios, Claire. Son... chispas. Chispas de algo hermoso y formidable. Y algunas chispas brillan más que otras"
Author: Rachel Caine
42. "Do not ridicule my effort. Everybody likes a comedian's company. That's why they give them tips after watching theshow, not their hard earned money for a mutual fund investment. Give him tips, not your heart. I guess youunderstand the difference."
Author: Ravindra Shukla
43. "I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers."
Author: Ron White
44. "Comedians love people to point and laugh at them, naturists don't."
Author: Roy Station
45. "Sometimes, as a comedian, a line will come to you, that is so beautiful, so perfect, that you think: I did not create this line. This line belongs to all of us. Surely this is a line of God."
Author: Russell Brand
46. "At some point, I figured that it would be more effective and far funnier to embrace the ugliest, most terrifying things in the world--the Holocaust, racism, rape, et cetera. But for the sake of comedy, and the comedian's personal sanity, this requires a certain emotional distance. It's akin to being a shrink or a social worker. you might think that the most sensitive, empathetic person would make the best social worker, but that person would end up being soup on the floor. It really takes someone strong--someone, dare I say, with a big fat wall up--to work in a pool of heartbreak all day and not want to fucking kill yourself. But adopting a persona at once ignorant and arrogant allowed me to say what I didn't mean, even preach the opposite of what I believed. For me, it was a funny way to be sincere. And like the jokes in a roast, the hope is that the genuine sentiment--maybe even a goodness underneath the joke (however brutal) transcends."
Author: Sarah Silverman
47. "Your average comedian doesn't know the podcast universe, really."
Author: Scott Aukerman
48. "Who is to blame? The filth peddler, of course, but even more than this vulgar entertainer, the filth consumer, the public. So long as men are corrupt and revel in sewer filth, entertainers will sell them what they want. Laws may be passed, arrests may be made, lawyers may argue, courts may sentence and jails may harbor men of corrupt minds, but pornography and allied insults to decency will never cease until men have cleansed their minds and cease to require and pay for such vile stuff. When the customer is sick and tired of being drowned in filth by the comedians, he will not pay for that filth and its source will dry up."
Author: Spencer W. Kimball
49. "Maybe if I could ever be a successful comedian then I could be an example that Christians can also have fun."
Author: Victoria Jackson
50. "It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians."
Author: Wanda Sykes

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A vicious circle develops in which the people around you expect you to be there for them all the time and comply with their wishes."
Author: Auliq Ice

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