Top Retirement Funny Quotes

Browse top 28 famous quotes and sayings about Retirement Funny by most favorite authors.

Favorite Retirement Funny Quotes

1. "It's a funny thing in my job: you remain perpetually lonely in a world where loneliness is the rarest commodity."
Author: Brian W. Aldiss
2. "It's so funny looking back, but my so-called overnight success actually took 15 years. I remember when I didn't have any money, and my only car was mom's Hyundai."
Author: Criss Angel
3. "The nefarious frost that slithers around my spine brings forth concern that Donovan is regressing and needs to be put back on the funny farm, yet my heart longs to surrender in harmony with his madness. Without him, I will never be complete."
Author: Diane Rinella
4. "In the past, when gays were very flamboyant as drag queens or as leather queens or whatever, that just amused people. And most of the people that come and watch the gay Halloween parade, where all those excesses are on display, those are straight families, and they think it's funny. But what people don't think is so funny is when two middle-aged lawyers who are married to each other move in next door to you and your wife and they have adopted a Korean girl and they want to send her to school with your children and they want to socialize with you and share a drink over the backyard fence. That creeps people out, especially Christians. So, I don't think gay marriage is a conservative issue. I think it's a radical issue."
Author: Edmund White
5. "Hotel rooms are funny things. They make everything look different. If people have to sleep with each other, sexually or platonically, they should do it in kitchens. The kitchen is the epicenter of truth in any home or building. You could never misconstrue a look or a word or a touch in the icy cool, compartmentalized presence of a fridge."
Author: Emma Forrest
6. "She's as funny as a toothache"
Author: Erma Bombeck
7. "Wendy, Wendy, when you are sleeping in your silly bed you might be flying about with me saying funny things to the stars."
Author: J.M. Barrie
8. "I'm always more motivated by the pain of a funny character than by what makes him funny."
Author: Jason Alexander
9. "In all my years as an actor, I had never been me - I had always hidden behind my glasses, mustaches and funny voices."
Author: Jon Pertwee
10. "I make these little films. I'm just a working person. I just study people a little bit more. It's more sociological, and it's funny anyway - not that serious. It's not like false humility. I just take it for what it is."
Author: Julie Delpy
11. "I did a lot of serious plays, and I did the Oxford Review as well, which is supposed to be funny, but I'm not sure how funny we were when we did it. Then, when I finished my course, it was only then that I decided to go to drama school and try and do acting because I was enjoying it so much and so on."
Author: Katherine Parkinson
12. "I am lactose intolerant, and I always thought it was really funny how people who are lactose intolerant continue to eat dairy, because they like it so much. And I find it not acceptable."
Author: Lake Bell
13. "I don't sit down to write a funny story. Every single thing I sit down to write is meant to be sad."
Author: Lorrie Moore
14. "It does not mean you are not awesome, if no one ever appreciates your beauty. But I can see that, in your juicy eyes, funny smiles and innocent face. And I am telling you now; you are exceptionally beautiful and awesome."
Author: M.F. Moonzajer
15. "I don't like forcing comedy and people just trying to do things just to find a funny beat all the time."
Author: Martin Lawrence
16. "It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are."
Author: Matt Lauer
17. "I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up."
Author: Matt LeBlanc
18. "I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans."
Author: Mike Birbiglia
19. "And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me."
Author: Molly Ivins
20. "When I'm with my friends I'm funny, but I don't feel like I'm a funny clown."
Author: Nora Dunn
21. "I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too."
Author: Randall Munroe
22. "There was this funny thing of anything could happen now that we realized everything had."
Author: Raymond Carver
23. "One of the lambs fixed its attention on Jared. "Baa," it flirted. "Boo," said Jared."Oh my God, Jared. Don't tough-talk the lambs.""It was giving me a funny look."
Author: Sarah Rees Brennan
24. "It's funny how these days, when every household has its own inter-continental ballistic missile, you hardly even think about them. . . . A lot of us, though, have started painting the missiles different colors, even decorating them with our own designs, like butterflies or stenciled flowers. They take up so much space in the backyard, they might as well look nice, and the government leaflets don't say that you have to use the paint they supply."
Author: Shaun Tan
25. "It is estimated that raising the retirement age to 70 would cut the shortfall by about 36%. But this proposal has some drawbacks. Women and men who have worked jobs that require manual labor all of their lives may not physically be able to do work until they are 70 years old."
Author: Steve Israel
26. "I turned around to see Jim standing in the aisle with a smirk and a box of tampons in his hand."Very funny asshole. Looks like you're on the rag this week. Make sure to get yourself some Midol and a copy of Terms of Endearment so you can have yourself a good cry."
Author: Tara Sivec
27. "I'm really funny now."
Author: Wanda Sykes
28. "Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting."
Author: William Arthur Ward

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She sat on the stoop alone, gazing up at an infinite sky as it held her and pushed her away all at once."
Author: Abby Slovin

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