Top Santa Quotes

Browse top 258 famous quotes and sayings about Santa by most favorite authors.

Favorite Santa Quotes

1. "We conclude that, simultaneously with the organization of the colleges, there should be at Santa Cruz an organization by disciplines, whose units would have a voice in appointments and promotions, in course of programs, and in the allocation of funds for research."
Author: Abraham Robinson
2. "I got shagged in Santa Barbara, and all I got was this fantastic orgasm."
Author: Alice Clayton
3. "Santa Claus is a lie but if you think that's bad, check out what 'fuck' really means."
Author: Andrew Smith
4. "My question was:How did I go from merely seeing the dirty French Santa in a bar to being in his hotel room the next morning? And this presented me with an actual equation. How did one plus one equal old French Santa?"
Author: Augusten Burroughs
5. "Over the years our mother has beaten us with belts, shoes, rulers, extension cords, hair brushes, a wooden spoon, a fly swatter, a toilet brush, wire coat hangers, wooden coat hangers and sometimes one of our own toys. When you get whacked by your own paddleball paddle or you have to watch your sister getting spanked with a badminton racquet that she asked Santa Claus (AKA Grandma) to bring, you don't feel much like playing with those things ever again."
Author: Bob Thurber
6. "She turned down her street once more, glaring at the garish lights someone had put up along their house. Might as well light the roof with "Santa Park Here". Sheesh. The closer she got to home, though, the lower her heart sank. The overly bright house looked suspiciously like... No. Oh, no. He wouldn't. He had. Light up animated animals were dotted all over her lawn. The circle of life has apparently found our power outlet. And why the fuck is there a Star of David on my roof? She wasn't exactly the most church-going member of the community, but you'd think Simon would know what religion she was. After all, she knew exactly who was going to officiate at his funeral. She picked up her cell phone and called Emma. "I'm going to kill him."
Author: Dana Marie Bell
7. "Dear Santa, WTF..."
Author: Darynda Jones
8. "At the center, on the lawn of the courthouse, sat a log manger with a life-size nativity scene cut out of plywood. If an civil libertarian had complained about the nativity being on public property, he would have been hunted down like Santa's reindeer during bow season."
Author: Deborah Smith
9. "Buat apa saya menghabiskan waktu membaca hal-hal yang tidak penting untuk dikonsumsi oleh otak, mendingan saya menghabiskan waktu, duduk santai, minum kopi untuk membaca bertumpuk-tumpuk buku fiksi."
Author: Finchu Harefa
10. "I lived that year on top of a wooden tower in an area east of Santa Rosa known as the Valley of the Moon."
Author: Frederick Weisel
11. "Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip."
Author: Gary Allan
12. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
Author: George Carlin
13. "No, there are some location shoots in Vegas, maybe four trips a year. It's shot in Santa Clarita, CA."
Author: George Eads
14. "It is often argued that religion is valuable because it makes men good, but even if this were true it would not be a proof that religion is true. That would be an extension of pragmatism beyond endurance. Santa Claus makes children good in precisely the same way, and yet no one would argue seriously that the fact proves his existence. The defense of religion is full of such logical imbecilities."
Author: H.L. Mencken
15. "How is Christmas regarded today? The legend of Santa Claus, the Christmas tree, the decorations of tinsel and mistletoe, and the giving of gifts all express to us the spirit of the day we celebrate; but the true spirit of Christmas lies much deeper than these. It is found in the life of the Savior, in the principles He taught, in His atoning sacrifice—which become our great heritage."
Author: Howard W. Hunter
16. "—Hijo mío, la Santa Madre Iglesia está a la derecha, pero Jesucristo siempre estuvo a la izquierda—le decía"
Author: Isabel Allende
17. "I can hardly be expected to think like Santa. I get three times the letters, I poop burritos, and my penis is two reindeers more plentiful."
Author: Jarod Kintz
18. "Ronald has had bicycle safety and safety in the home. Yes, Ronald is McDonald's, second most recognised figure after Santa Claus, and there's an element of obviously benefiting your business."
Author: Jim Cantalupo
19. "Several centuries ago it was believed that the fly agaric, combined with the bufotenin–containing mucus of toads, was an ingredient of witches' brews, which made flying on their broomsticks possible. Even Santa Claus and Father Christmas are connected to Fly Agaric and their reindeer, which, by the way, like their portion of fly agarics and 'living' water."
Author: John Rush
20. "Basher shook his head. "No, we climbed in through a ground-floor guest bedroom all ninja-like. Snuck up the back stairs.""Then you might be the cavalry," said Tom, "but I'm Santa Claus. Let's go downstairs and open some presents."
Author: Jonathan Maberry
21. "When I get 13 or 14 years old, I get crazy with rock music, like, like, deeply crazy. And one of my favorite bands at that moment was, for example, like - bands like Metallica or Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd and Santana, you know? And then I start to play metal, actually, when I was - at the age of 15."
Author: Juanes
22. "I came to understand that belief is a preconception about the way reality should be; faith is the willingness to experience reality as it is, including the acceptance of the unknown. An interesting way to understand the difference is to use the words interchangeably in the same sentence: I believe in Santa Claus. I have faith in Santa Claus. Belief can impede spiritual unfoldment; faith is supremely necessary for it."
Author: Judith Hanson Lasater
23. "Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit... Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental."
Author: Julia Sweeney
24. "Without missing a beat he said, "This year, Santa, I'd like a pony and an Easy-Bake Oven."Raja grunted and pushed him off to the side. "You'll be getting coal in a place where it hurts if you ever attempt to sit in my lap again."
Author: Karsten Knight
25. "Now I know all city parks are the same. Hyde Park. The bluffs above Santa Monica. The Tuileries. Just paths beneath trees where people walk in varying states of heartbreak. Staggering between divorces and biopsies. And at the edge, one final row of lavender azaleas."
Author: Kate Braverman
26. "Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I never leave the house without [my Santa hat]. In fact, I pretty much never leave my room without it. I honestly don't know how this habit started and believe me, I'd break myself of it if I could, but I'm a little bit OCD about the Santa hat. Whenever I try to put it away, I get this horrible, overwhelming feeling that somehow Christmas will be destroyed if I do."
Author: Kieran Scott
27. "I think I'm coming up on the ess curve, so I'm going to hang up and concentrate on driving. In the snow. Which wasn't supposed to happen until tomorrow afternoon.Gee, Kels, I didn't know you believed in the weatherman. Do you still believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, too? How about the Easter Bunny?All right. Point taken."
Author: Lani Ames
28. "Santa Claus has already been here and everything. Want to see what he brought for you?""Is it a big present?" "Very big." "With a big red bow on it?"
Author: Lara Adrian
29. "Because I am still a little girl who believes in Santa and the tooth fairy and you."
Author: Laurie Halse Anderson
30. "Against expectations I was charmed by Gehry's Edgemar development, which housed the Santa Monica Museum of Art, and positively awed by the Bilbao Guggenheim. That Gehry is a great artist I have no doubt, but talent and determination are no warrant against confusion, nor are they a guaranty to produce great art."
Author: Leon Krier
31. "Do you know, it's really hard to be a parent. I blame it on Santa Claus. You spend so long making sure your kid doesn't know he's fake that you can't tell when you're supposed to stop.""Mom, I found you and Calla wrapping my presents when I was, like, six.""It was a metaphor, Blue.""A metaphor's supposed to clarify by providing an example. That didn't clarify.""Do you know what I mean or not?""What you mean is that you're sorry you didn't tell me about Butternut."Maura glowered at the door as if Calla stood behind it. "I wish you wouldn't call him that.""If you'd been the one to tell me about him, then I wouldn't be using what Calla told me.""Fair enough."
Author: Maggie Stiefvater
32. "Mum looks like someone has told her that Santa will be shortly arriving with that guy from Pride and Prejudice in tow."
Author: Melissa Keil
33. "I was born in Orange County - in Santa Ana. My dad is from California. I was raised on the East Coast. My first two years were in California, but I claim East Coast. I'm sorry, I don't rep California."
Author: Michael B. Jordan
34. "Of course, if we were lucky, we wouldn't be getting chased by an army of zombies through the quarantine area that used to be downtown Santa Cruz. We'd be somewhere safer, like Bikini Atoll just before the bomb testing kicked off."
Author: Mira Grant
35. "Istanbul, stazione di transito di tre grandi rotte. Le carovane verso la Mecca, i pellegrinaggi in Terra Santa, il ritorno nella Terra Promessa. Istanbul, capolinea di ogni viaggio iniziatico, da Casanova a Nerval, da Gauthier a Fermor. Istanbul, imbuto che risucchia e turba, confluenza di mari attraverso due correnti opposte e sovrapposte."
Author: Monika Bulaj
36. "George Santayana: A man is morally free when … he judges the world, and judges other men, with uncompromising sincerity."
Author: Nassim Nicholas Taleb
37. "I don't trust Santa Barbara as far as I can spit. I am afraid that if I went back there, it's possible that I could be run through their system, their judicial system, and wind up in some county jail where I could be killed and I'm not gonna take that chance."
Author: Randy Quaid
38. "Right at the flamingo orgy! Left at the multiethnic roof Santas! Straight past the pissing cherubs!"
Author: Ransom Riggs
39. "All right, little boy, he tried kidding himself, calm down now. Santa Claus is coming to town with all the nice answers. No longer will you be a weird Robinson Crusoe, imprisoned on an island of night surrounded by oceans of death."
Author: Richard Matheson
40. "Who is not a love seeker when December comes? Even children pray to Santa Claus."
Author: Rod McKuen
41. "What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for?"
Author: Salman Rushdie
42. "Why is Santa an anagram for Satan? I mean, besides the fact that both have the same amounts of the same letters. Just consider the many other similarities between the two figures: both of them are red, both of them like to laugh, both of them give presents to children and both of them are kings of an ungodly underworld of unspeakable horror and suffering. Coincidence? I THINK NOT."
Author: Sam Logan
43. "She thinks I'm a drug dealer. (Chris)‘The most "illegal" thing the boy had ever done was to walk past a Salvation Army Santa Claus, once, without dropping money into the kettle.' (Wulf)"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
44. "The gift from my Secret Santa wasn't anything special. That makes me sad. I bet you anything that Mary Elizabeth is my Secret Santa because only she would give me socks."
Author: Stephen Chbosky
45. "In hind sight, telling him all strangers wanted to eat him wasn't my finest hour. Having to explain to a bunch of crying children in line to see Santa why my kid was screaming ‘DON'T GO NEAR HIM! HE'LL EAT YOUR FINGERS!' was no picnic."
Author: Tara Sivec
46. "The Santa Monica Freeway is traditionally the scene of every form of automotive folly known to man. It is not white and well-bred like the San Diego, nor as treacherously engineered as the Pasadena, nor quite as ghetto-suicidal as the Harbor. No, one hesitates to say it, but the Santa Monica is a freeway for freaks."
Author: Thomas Pynchon
47. "We half-eat cookies and drink the milk, we leave notes, all so kids will believe in something that isn't true. Kids try their best to scientifically determine whether Santa's real and our whole culture feeds them false evidence. We dupe them."
Author: Thomm Quackenbush
48. "Michael fled up the steps and slipped back into their room. He undressed quickly and slid under the covers. Griffin stirred and pulled him close."Where did you disappear to?" Griffin asked in a sleepy voice."Santa made me blow him before he'd give up the presents. He's too old. Took him forever to come."
Author: Tiffany Reisz
49. "We can _start_ making Christmas and Santa can finish up."
Author: Toni Buzzeo
50. "I see Santa Claus and Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker as the same person."
Author: Trey Parker

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Jane accept me quickly. Say, Edward — give me my name — Edward — I will marry you."
Author: Charlotte Brontë

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