Top Taxes Funny Quotes

Browse top 24 famous quotes and sayings about Taxes Funny by most favorite authors.

Favorite Taxes Funny Quotes

1. "About 100 things that your kid will do that will surprise you and break your heart and it will be a combination of fact based therapy, medically advised kinds of passages accompanied by celebrity anecdotes and just some funny stuff to lighten the load."
Author: Alan Thicke
2. "I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high."
Author: Albert Brooks
3. "Writers are funny about reviews: when they get a good one they ignore it-- but when they get a bad review they never forget it. Every writer I know is the same way: you get a hundred good reviews, and one bad, andyou remember only the bad. For years, you go on and fantasize about the reviewer who didn't like your book; you imagine him as a jerk, a wife-beater, a real ogre. And, in the meantime, the reviewer has forgotten all about the whole thing. But, twenty years later, the writer still remembers that one bad review."
Author: Art Buchwald
4. "He would say, "How funny it will all seem, all you've gone through, when I'm not here anymore, when you no longer feel my arms around your shoulders, nor my heart beneath you, nor this mouth on your eyes, because I will have to go away some day, far away..." And in that instant I could feel myself with him gone, dizzy with fear, sinking down into the most horrible blackness: into death."
Author: Arthur Rimbaud
5. "While big corporations make huge, tax-free profits, taxes for the everyday working person skyrocket. While politicians take free trips around the world, those same politicians cut back food stamps for the poor. While politicians increase their salaries, millions of people are being laid off. This city is on the brink of bankruptcy, and yet hundreds of thousands of dollars are being spent on this trial. I do not understand a government so willing to spend millions of dollars on arms, to explore outer space, even the planet Jupiter, and at the same time close down day care centers and fire stations."
Author: Assata Shakur
6. "I love you, Tess McGee. I don't do big funny or heartfelt speeches in front of people at birthday parties, but I'm excellent in private alcoves in beer gardens." He paused. "Okay, that sounded really bad, what I mean is …"I kissed him into silence. I pressed my forehead against his with a sigh. "I love you, too, Toby. In fact, that's what I was going to tell you before we walked into the beer garden. Right before the really bad singing started."Toby chuckled. He let out a sigh of relief. "Ready to reminisce?"I whispered my final word before he closed the distance."Always."
Author: C.J. Duggan
7. "I want you to say dreadfully mad, funny things and make up songs and be--' The Will I fell in love with, she almost said. "And be Will," she finished instead. "Or I shall hit you with my umbrella."***"You would make a very ugly woman.""I would not. I would be stunning."Tessa laughed. "There," she said. "There is Will. Isn't that better? Don't you think so?" "I don't know," Will said, eyeing her. "I'm afraid to answer that. I've heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas."
Author: Cassandra Clare
8. "The fact that 'A Dirty Job' has comedy and supernatural horror in it, that both are woven in and out of it with a whimsical tone, despite the fact that it's about death, makes it hard to characterize with standard genre labels - but I have no problem with that. I'd call it a funny story about death, and leave it at that."
Author: Christopher Moore
9. "Sometimes, the other characters are too normal and then you start to be brought back to reality but then Luna shows up and she is just so funny and cool and honest and slightly mad and she's all that matters. She is 100% true. She puts on no shows, because she is so comfortable with herself."
Author: Evanna Lynch
10. "If my name was on a serious work like this it would never get fair treatment. They would all say I had tried to be funny and failed."
Author: Jerome K. Jerome
11. "The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic, blonde actress with the funny voice."
Author: Joey Lauren Adams
12. "It's funny about a face, how big a difference it makes. I mean, one day you look in th mirror and you think, yeah, that's me, that's my face. And then another day...you think, that's not me, that's not my face. So am I my face? I mean is that all I am?"
Author: John Marsden
13. "It's funny that all these goths paint their faces with such white make-up and that is the actual colour of my skin, I am that pale!"
Author: Kelly Osbourne
14. "I can't see through clothes or anything. Just glamour skin. Except I can see through all of you, since your clothes aren't real." I stopped, horrified. "I mean, I don't look—It's hard to see you, and I like looking at your real face, but I don't try to see anything, because—Oh gosh, this sounds terrible."He had a funny look on his face, like he wasn't sure what to think. "Huh. That's never been an issue before. Maybe next time you could bring me some shorts."
Author: Kiersten White
15. "As soon as you say it about a record, you're like some little zombie in a funny dungeon."
Author: Lorde
16. "It is so exquisitely funny and sad, the way we view each other; how very little, despite our best efforts, we communicate."
Author: Luke Davies
17. "People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they do not mean this because you are not allowed to tell old people that they are old and you are not allowed to tell people if they smell funny or if a grown-up has made a fart. And you are not allowed to say, 'I don't like you,' unless that person has been horrible to you."
Author: Mark Haddon
18. "[I]t is funny because economists are not real scientists, and because logicians think more clearly, but mathematicians are best."
Author: Mark Haddon
19. "Mennonites formed themselves in Holland five hundred years ago after a man named Menno Simons became so moved by hearing Anabaptist prisoners singing hymns before being executed by the Spanish Inquisition that he joined their cause and became their leader. Then they started to move all around the world in colonies looking for freedom and isolation and peace and opportunities to sell cheese. Different countries give us shelter if we agree to stay out of trouble and help with the economy by farming in obscurity. We live like ghosts. Then, sometimes, those countries decide they want us to be real citizens after all and start to force us to do things like join the army or pay taxes or respect laws and then we pack our stuff up in the middle of the night and move to another country where we can live purely but somewhat out of context."
Author: Miriam Toews
20. "We've all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I'm tragically funny and good-looking."
Author: Rick Riordan
21. "People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can't live within its income."
Author: Robert Half
22. "Americans would not mind higher taxes if they were wrapped in bacon"
Author: Todd Davis
23. "It's funny how "a part" and "apart" are complete opposites, yet only differ by a little space."
Author: Wade Rouse
24. "But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."
Author: Wanda Sykes

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Peeling apples, just peeling apples. Didn't feel your boobs. No, no, not me"
Author: Alice Clayton

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