Top Testicles Quotes

Browse top 44 famous quotes and sayings about Testicles by most favorite authors.

Favorite Testicles Quotes

1. "The digging continues ... Ground Zero it looks more and more like a construction site. Too much of the horror is gone. No fire. No smoke ... What was war becomes peace, becomes peaceful. But in the coil of my testicles there's an angry residue and in places I can't even name, places inside my throat and behind my chest, I'm sad, and sometimes worse than sad, less than sad, a cavity of empty."
Author: Adam Berlin
2. "Most directors make films with their eyes; I make films with my testicles."
Author: Alejandro Jodorowsky
3. "I think of the meaning of the word "testimony." Originally it named the custom of two men holding each other's testicles in a gesture of trust, later to metamorphose into the handshake."
Author: Alice Walker
4. "A three-year old was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom,' he asked,'are these my brains?''Not yet.' she replied."
Author: Allan Pease
5. "The males were equipped with double organs, sans testicles, each able to act independently and adjust its size and girth for optimum penetration."
Author: Breanna Hayse
6. "I think I'd rather ask how a man who ditched his friend at a club in favor of leaving with a heavily stacked redhead with a mouth that could raise the dead could possibly sound so cranky on the morning after. What happened? Did she turn out to be a lesbian?" Dmitri sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose."What is your news, Graham?""I asked first.""And I ignored you," Dmitri growled, "which a man who did not lick his own testicles for recreation would have taken as a hint.""You're just jealous."
Author: Christine Warren
7. "My lawyers will fricassee your testicles for breakfast. And if you dare board my plane without a warrant, your spleen will follow."
Author: Dan Brown
8. "IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER"
Author: Darynda Jones
9. "His glare could melt a polar bear's testicles."
Author: Dean Koontz
10. "You grabbed my tit a little, Mr. Old Timey Talker."Blake seemed to swallow a smile. "Manhandling a lady is inexcusable. I would only do so if said woman was too stubborn to remove herself from a dangerous situation." He took Kyle's hand and kissed the top of it lightly."Aw, crap. Well, aren't you too fucking charming for words?" Kyle smiled despite her best efforts to look tough. "All right, Mr. Old Timey, I'll let you get away with the boob palming this time.""That's fortunate because I hate ingesting my own testicles." He gave her a devilish grin with naughty eyes to match.Kyle looked at Livia. "He's adorable."
Author: Debra Anastasia
11. "Cojones: testicles; a valorous bull fighter is said to be plentifully equipped with these. In a cowardly bullfighter they are said to be absent."
Author: Ernest Hemingway
12. "The smell would have given me an erection if I'd still had testicles."
Author: Garth Stein
13. "I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same fifty percent rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't...Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the voodoo lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same...so just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself..."
Author: George Carlin
14. "But I'm not good at understanding what other people want.'‘Tell me something I don't know,' said Rosie for no obvious reason.I quickly searched my mind for an interesting fact. ‘Ahhh…The testicles of drone bees and wasp spiders explode during sex."
Author: Graeme Simsion
15. "I've been sniffing out the guys in my English class (to the extent that this is possible without getting my throat cut), but they smell the same way they always do: like feet and testicles. As opposed to freesias. I don't want to keep sniffing them, Lyd. - Letter from Seb to Lyd."
Author: Jaclyn Moriarty
16. "He was wise in the ways of pain. He had to be, for he felt none.When the Xenons put electrodes to his testicles, he was vastly entertained by the pretty lights.When the Ylls fed firewasps into his nostrils and other body orifices the resultant rainbows pleased him. And when later they regressed to simple disjointments and eviscerations, he noted with interest the deepening orchid hues that stood for irreversible harm."This time?" he asked the boditech when his scouter had torn him from the Ylls."No," said the boditech."When?"There was no answer."You're a girl in there, aren't you? A human girl?""Well, yes and no," said the boditech. "Sleep now."He had no choice. - 'Painwise"
Author: James Tiptree Jr.
17. "I know my kids are safe, because they're still in my testicles.?Can I fix you an omelet? I make them by hand?"
Author: Jarod Kintz
18. "Special. Cute. Friends. He wished she'd just cut his testicles off and be done with it already. Depending on the next adjective she chose for him, he would either qualify as a card-carrying member of Emasculated Men's Club or a Muppet. No wonder he avoided love for as long as he had. When it went unrequited, it truly sucked."
Author: Jennifer Shirk
19. "Well, of course, you can't expect people to rearrange their minds in five minutes. And I'm not good at this. And I don't want to do it. It's a bore, anyway. Unfortunately I know what will happen if I keep on; I'll say that if we are going to talk about these things, let us please talk about them seriously and our fake Britisher will say that he always takes pretty girls seriously and then I'll say I don't you cut off your testicles and shove them down your throat? and then I'll lose my job and then I'll commit suicide. I once hit a man with a book but that was at a feminist meeting and anyway I didn't hit him really, because he dodged. I have never learned the feminine way of cutting a man down to size, although I can imagine how to do it, but truth to tell, that would go against what I believe, that men must live up to such awful things."
Author: Joanna Russ
20. "Most of the Masters at The Zone would have given both of their testicles for the right to top the Ice Queen."
Author: Joey W. Hill
21. "Ever since, two summers ago, Joe Marino had begun to come into her bed, a preposterous fecundity had overtaken the staked plans, out in the side garden where the southwestern sun slanted in through the line of willows each long afternoon. The crooked little tomato branches, pulpy and pale as if made of cheap green paper, broke under the weight of so much fruit; there was something frantic in such fertility, a crying-out like that of children frantic to please. Of plants, tomatoes seemed the most human, eager and fragile and prone to rot. Picking the watery orange-red orbs, Alexandra felt she was cupping a giant lover's testicles in her hand."
Author: John Updike
22. "On this moment Huey's balls grew threesizes. By Huey's estimates, this made theminhumanly enormous. Ginormous even. In Spanish,the word for testicles is "juevos". This is also theword for eggs. On this moment, Huey's juevos werehard boiled."
Author: Jonathan Culver
23. "Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?"
Author: Julie Kagawa
24. "It's not funny, Kacey!" I hiss. "That guy forced himself on me!"She rolls her eyes but then, after a long pause, she sighs. "Yeah, you're right." Reaching over, she pinches the guy's arm without hesitation. "Hey, buddy!""You do that to her again and I'll sneak into your room and rip your balls off while you sleep, capisce?" she warns with a pointed finger. Most times my sister's threats involve the mutilation of testicles."
Author: K.A. Tucker
25. "Why aren't you at your booth?" "She ran out of bats' testicles and hares' anuses," I piped up."Is it anuses or ani?" Roxy asked in an aside, looking perplexed. "You say octopi, don't you? Shouldn't more than one hare's anus be ani?"
Author: Katie MacAlister
26. "It felt like he'd been dragged through the nine circles of hell — by his testicles."
Author: Kay Berrisford
27. "If a UFO did land, and invite me onboard, I'd love to have the balls to go in. So, I search the skies for extra testicles."
Author: Kelli Jae Baeli
28. "I had an ASU student looking for it in my shop last week, and he defined the Bacchants for me as 'those drunk chicks who killed that one dude because he wouldn't have sex with them.' His professors must be so proud. I asked him if he knew what maenads were, and instead of correctly answering that it was just another name for Bacchants, he bizarrely thought I was referring to my own testicles - as in, "'Ere now, mate, don't swing that bat around me nads.'" The conversation deteriorated quickly after that."
Author: Kevin Hearne
29. "She was a widow, and he stripped himself naked while she went to fetch some of her husband's clothes. But before he could put them on, the police were hammering on the front door with their billy clubs. So the fugitive hid on top of a rafter. When the woman let in the police, though, his oversize testicles hung down in full view."Trout paused again.The police asked the woman where the guy was. The woman said she didn't know what guy they were talking about," said Trout. "One of the cops saw the testicles hanging down from a rafter and asked what they were. She said they were Chinese temple bells. He believed her. He said he 'd always wanted to hear Chinese temple bells. "He gave them a whack with his billy club, but there was no sound. So he hit them again, a lot harder, a whole lot harder. Do you know what the guy on the rafter shrieked?" Trout asked me. I said I didn't. "He shrieked, 'TING-A-LING, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
Author: Kurt Vonnegut
30. "I am not a total pervert. Although, to be honest, consider the night we've been having. First handcuffs, andnow this? Way more kinky than I expected.""Please," M'cal said. "Do not talk.""You like the strong and silent type, huh?""If you do not shut up, I will kill you with my voice.""I love it when you talk dirty.""Fine. Which would you prefer to lose first? Your soul or your testicles?""You know, you're just a bit obsessed with chopping off balls. Do you have issues with your masculinity?"
Author: Marjorie M. Liu
31. "Anaxagoras' belief that lying on the right side during sex would produce a boy was so influential that centuries later some French aristocrats had their left testicles amputated."
Author: Matt Ridley
32. "This is poetry, but it is not delicate and fragile, a placid ocean beneath a Bible vese on an inspirational poster. This poetry had testicles. It's rougher than a rodeo. Which is why the cliffs are crowded with spectators"
Author: N.D. Wilson
33. "When anesthesia was developed, it was for many decades routinely withheld from women giving birth, since women were "supposed" to suffer. One of the few societies to take a contrary view was the Huichol tribe in Mexico. The Huichol believed that the pain of childbirth should be shared, so the mother would hold on to a string tied to her husband's testicles. With each painful contraction, she would give the string a yank so that the man could share the burden. Surely if such a mechanism were more widespread, injuries in childbirth would garner more attention."
Author: Nicholas D. Kristof
34. "If you lay a hand on me I'll ram your testicles so far up inside your abdomen it'll take a heart surgeon to get them out."
Author: Orson Scott Card
35. "If its got tires or testicles it's going to give you trouble"
Author: P.C. Cast
36. "What was the old saying? If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you problems."
Author: P.C. Cast
37. "But now Nature starts doing things. The hormones start rolling and those old testicles start producing and all the rest of it--like breathing. You don't go around asking for it. It happens. It happened to me when I was twelve.(Sean)"
Author: Paul Zindel
38. "They know a million tricks, those novelists. Take Doctor Goebbels; that's how he started out, writing fiction. Appeals to the base lusts that hide in everyone no matter how respectable on the surface. Yes, the novelist knows humanity, how worthless they are, ruled by their testicles, swayed by cowardice, selling out every cause because of their greed - all he's got to do is thump on the drum, and there's his response. And he's laughing, of course, behind his hand at the effect he gets."
Author: Philip K. Dick
39. "Spartacus," I called, "how's it hanging?" Probably not too well. Once you're dead, had your organs removed, and are resurrected as an undead mummified cat, your testicles probably looked like old raisins that had rolled under the couch. Raisins didn't tend to...hang."
Author: Rob Thurman
40. "And the testicles of the fathers hang down like old lace"
Author: Robert Penn Warren
41. "Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles"
Author: Rowena Cherry
42. "You're such a crybaby. (Tee)Let me almost shoot off one of your testicles and see how you cope. (Joe)You shouldn't have moved, Joe. It was your fault. (Tee)Yeah, everything's my fault. (Joe)Good, then we agree. (Tee)"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
43. "A pox on both his testicles! (Esperetta)"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
44. "Or his presence may be required so that a string can be tied round his testicles on which the woman can pull as each contraction mounts to a peak of pain, as in the Huichol tribe of Mexico."
Author: Testy McTesterson

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