Top Toilet Seat Quotes

Browse top 25 famous quotes and sayings about Toilet Seat by most favorite authors.

Favorite Toilet Seat Quotes

1. "One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird sigh when you sat down on it. I'm not a germaphobe or anything like that, but it is weird to think about all the ass time this seat had seen before we moved in. This is a horrible invention. What's the plan? You want to create a toilet seat so comfortable that you can fall asleep while you're taking a shit? You're going to show up late for work or end up like Elvis."
Author: Adam Carolla
2. "He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat."
Author: Adam Rex
3. "Mila, that day, in your shop almost crushed me. When you said no to me, I didn't know if I would survive it, but I knew I had to. I knew that i had to change, for me and for you. And I think I have. I'm still working on it.... it's going to be a process. But I'm willing to put in the work. Forever, if that's what it takes. So... I'm going to ask you again, babe. Stay with me. Stay with me here in my house. It's only a five minute drive to your shop when it's open. And you can use the studio for your art. I promise to try not to snore. And to put the toilet seat sown. Most of the time, anyway. Just stay with me. Please. I never want to be away from you again."
Author: Courtney Cole
4. "Finally, I found what seemed at the time to be a lid of some sort. Presuming it was a toilet seat (but not really caring one way or the other) I lifted it up, then dropped my shorts and began to piss. Ahhh...success. Then I stumbled back to bed and passed out. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized what had actually happened. I woke to the sight of Junior standing over my bed with a look of disgust on his face. "Hey, man. Did you pee in my suitcase?"
Author: Dave Mustaine
5. "I'm shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won't sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I'm certainly not going to go on somebody's lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?"
Author: Farrah Fawcett
6. "Well. He's a very sensitive boy. He's really never been a terribly good mixer with other boys...'Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a goddamn toilet seat."
Author: J.D. Salinger
7. "Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat."
Author: J.D. Salinger
8. "The Guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a goddam toilet seat"
Author: J.D. Salinger
9. "I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you."
Author: J.K. Rowling
10. "Its okay Ginny. Don't be upset. We'll send you a toilet seat or something. Fred and George said to Ginny"
Author: J.K. Rowling
11. "Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.George!Only joking, Mum."
Author: J.K. Rowling
12. "We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat!"
Author: J.K. Rowling
13. "DOCTOR AIN WAS recognized on the Omaha-Chicago flight. A biologist colleague from Pasadena came out of the toilet and saw Ain in an aisle seat. Five years before, this man had been jealous of Ain's huge grants. Now he nodded coldly and was surprised at the intensity of Ain's response. He almost turned back to speak, but he felt too tired; like nearly everyone, he was fighting the flu.The stewardess handing out coats after they landed remembered Ain too: A tall thin nondescript man with rusty hair. He held up the line staring at her; since he already had his raincoat with him she decided it was some kooky kind of pass and waved him on.She saw Ain shamble off into the airport smog, apparently alone. Despite the big Civil Defense signs, O'Hare was late getting underground. No one noticed the woman.- 'The Last Flight of Doctor Ain"
Author: James Tiptree Jr.
14. "I always leave the toilet seat up. It's just easier to wash my hair that way."
Author: Jarod Kintz
15. "What do you see in him anyway?" "He doesn't leave the toilet seat up." I smiled bitterly"
Author: Jayde Scott
16. "Thou may leave the toilet seat up. But thou shalt not leave the toilet seat down and pee on it."
Author: Jenna Jameson
17. "How about a compromise: everybody leave the toilet seat at 45 degrees."
Author: John Alejandro King
18. "He followed her into the bathroom and sat on the shut toilet seat while she washed her back with a brush. "I forgot to tell you," he said. "Liza sent us a wheel of Brie." "That's nice," she said, "but you know what? Brie gives me terribly loose bowels." He hitched up his genitals and crossed his legs. "That's funny," he said. "It constipates me." That was their marriage then--not the highest paving of the stair, the clatter of Italian fountains, the wind in the alien olive trees, but this: a jay-naked male and female discussing their bowels."
Author: John Cheever
19. "Eric Schmidt looks innocent enough, with his watercolor blue eyes and his tiny office full of toys and his Google campus stocked with volleyball courts and unlocked bikes and wheat-grass shots and cereal dispensers and Haribo Gummi Bears and heated toilet seats and herb gardens and parking lots with cords hanging to plug in electric cars."
Author: Maureen Dowd
20. "I can't function here anymore. I mean in life: I can't function in this life. I'm no better off than when I was in bed last night, with one difference: when I was in my own bed—or my mom's—I could do something about it; now that I'm here I can't do anything. I can't ride my bike to the Brooklyn Bridge; I can't take a whole bunch of pills and go for the good sleep; the only thing I can do is crush my head in the toilet seat, and I still don't even know if that would work. They take away your options and all you can do is live, and it's just like Humble said: I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of living. I was afraid before, but I'm afraid even more now that I'm a public joke. The teachers are going to hear from the students. They'll think I'm trying to make an excuse for bad work."
Author: Ned Vizzini
21. "Online, you're providing each other with the good aspects of being together as far as communication and support, but you don't have to deal with the realities of paying bills together, or being annoyed when they leave the toilet seat up or don't put the food away in the fridge."
Author: Nev Schulman
22. "I'm sorry about these two," Mike told the waitress. "Just so you know, I'll be embarrassed with you.""It's just that we haven't seen each other since summmer camp," Becky said."And we'd formed such a bond playing wily tricks on our camp counselors," Felix said."Remember how you replaced Miss Pepper's shampoo with liquid Jell-O and turned her hair green?""It was sheer genius when you stretched cling film over all the toilet seats.""Oh." The waitress turned to Mike, as if to address the only sane member of the group. "So, are ya'll ready to eat now, or are you waiting for your date to arrive?"Mike played with the menu. "Actually, she's my date." "These are my two husbands," Becky said. "We're from Utah. You know, Mormom."
Author: Shannon Hale
23. "All that matters to me is the man in front of me right now. (Tory)I'm not a man, Soteria. (Acheron)I know. But if you think your godhood excuses you from putting the toilet seat down, think again. (Tory)"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
24. "GainsThere is no man in the house that I have to try to make happy. There are no more arguments, or nights when I turn away from N in quiet dispair as he snores with an entitled regularity. Everything also stays cleaner; the toilet seat is perpetually down. I have the remote control to the television; no one can take that away. I can watch the Lifetime channel without derision."
Author: Suzanne Finnamore
25. "I am plenty romantic. Just this morning while he slept, I had left Carter a box of his favorite candy next to his pillow - Globs: piles of white chocolate covered, crushed potato chips and pretzels drizzled with caramel. I figured it would soften him up to the note I placed next to the box telling him if he left the toilet seat up one more time and my ass got an involuntary bath at six in the morning, I would put super glue on the head of his penis while he slept. I had even signed the note with a couple of Xs and Os. Who says romance is dead?"
Author: Tara Sivec

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To be on this set today, I feel very blessed for the second chance and for the opportunity, my record company believing in me and everybody here just showing me so much love and support."
Author: Brandy Norwood

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