Top Undertaker Quotes

Browse top 25 famous quotes and sayings about Undertaker by most favorite authors.

Favorite Undertaker Quotes

1. "Who embalms the Undertaker when he dies?"
Author: Alison Bechdel
2. "No couple buying wedding rings wants to be reminded that someday one of them will have to accept the other one's ring from a nurse or an undertaker."
Author: Anne Tyler
3. "I had to leave school at 14 because my father got injured in the mines and I had to support my family. I was an undertaker's assistant, then a plasterer, before doing my military service in the RAF. All the while, I was doing amateur dramatics and dreaming of getting a scholarship to the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School."
Author: Brian Blessed
4. "Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing."
Author: Denis Waitley
5. "... can I have the heart to fluster the flustered Thipps further—that's very difficult to say quickly—by appearing in a top-hat and frock-coat? I think not. Ten to one he will overlook my trousers and mistake me for the undertaker. A grey suit, I fancy, neat but not gaudy, with a hat to tone, suits my other self better. Exit the amateur of first editions; new motive introduced by solo bassoon; enter Sherlock Holmes, disguised as a walking gentleman."
Author: Dorothy L. Sayers
6. "I don't even like cemeteries. Morgues, either, nor anatomy museums, undertakers' parlors, funeral chapels, or any of those places where the world of the living sparks against the world of the dead, and a spot of burned out time fades, diffuse in an ocean of timelessness."
Author: Elizaveta Mikhailichenko
7. "I am my heart's undertaker. Daily I go and retrieve its tattered remains, place them delicately into its little coffin, and bury it in the depths of my memory, only to have to do it all again tomorrow."
Author: Emilie Autumn
8. "There is a great supply of amateur undertakers in show business."
Author: Ethel Waters
9. "Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs."
Author: Florence King
10. "Indolence, interruption, business, and pleasure; all take their turns of retardation….Perhaps no extensive and multifarious performance, said Sib, was ever effected within the term originally fixed in the undertaker's mind. He that runs against Time, has an antagonist not subject to casualities."
Author: Helen DeWitt
11. "My father was the funniest man I ever met. He made Redd Foxx look like an undertaker."
Author: Henry Louis Gates
12. "Andrew indulged in a little fantasy in which his father dropped dead, gunned down by an invisible sniper. Andrew visualised himself patting his sobbing mother on the back while he telephoned the undertaker. He had a cigarette in his mouth as he ordered the cheapest coffin."
Author: J.K. Rowling
13. "In his daydreams he was busy planning how to ask Kate to marry him someday. He thought, as a fourth-generation undertaker, it might be proper to say simply, "Kate, how would you like to be buried in the Wright family plot beside me?"
Author: Jodi Thomas
14. "Boxing is the only sport you can get your brain shook, your money took and your name in the undertaker book."
Author: Joe Frazier
15. "Nearly everyone has had a box of secret pain, shared with no one. Will [Hamilton] had concealed his well, laughed loud, exploited perverse virtues, and never let his jealousy go wandering [...] He was always on the edge, trying to hold on to the rim of the family with what gifts he had - care, and reason, application. He kept the books, hired the attorneys, called the undertaker, and eventually paid the bills. The others didn't even know they needed him."
Author: John Steinbeck
16. "We must learn that any person who will not accept what he knows to be truth for the very love of truth alone is very definitely undermining his mental integrity... you have not been a close observer of such men if you have not seen them shrivel, become commonplace, mean without influence, without friends, and without the enthusiasm of youth and growth, like a tree covered with fungus, the foliage deceased, the life gone out of the heart with dry rot and indelibly marked for destruction --- dead, but not yet handed over to the undertaker."
Author: Luther Burbank
17. "She who pays the undertaker calls the tune."
Author: Margaret Atwood
18. "Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
Author: Mark Twain
19. "We are what stands between the living and the dead. Being an Undertaker is an honor, son."
Author: Melissa Marr
20. "He [dad] always had some kind of trouble with his leg. He'd have bandages wrapped around it all the time but he'd never go and see a doctor. He'd rather have dropped dead than go to a doctor. He was terrified of them, like a lot of people his age were. And he'd never take a day off work. If he ever stayed at home feeling ill, it was time to call the undertaker."
Author: Ozzy Osbourne
21. "As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse
22. "How long does a man live, after all?Does he live a thousand days, or one only?A week, or several centuries?How long does a man spend dying?What does it mean to say 'for ever'?Lost in these preoccupationI set myself to clear things up.....In my own country the undertakersanswered me, between drinks:'Get yourself a good womanand give up this nonsense.'"And How Long" - Pablo Neruda"
Author: Pablo Neruda
23. "We need to take our cue from the drug dealers in Hoboken who, when they reach twenty, go to the local undertaker and prepay their funeral because they don't expect to live to thirty."
Author: Robert Littell
24. "UNDERTAKER!" the head boomed. "BOY, DO I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU!"
Author: Tom Upton
25. "Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker."
Author: Zig Ziglar

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If the independent, isolated nuclear family unit is, in fact, the structure into which human beings most naturally configure themselves, why do contemporary societies and religions find it necessary to prop it up with tax breaks and supportive legislation while fiercely defending it from same-sex couples and others proposing to marry in supposedly "nontraditional" ways? One wonders, in fact, why marriage is a legal issue at all—apart from its relevance to immigration and property laws. Why would something so integral to human nature require such vigilant legal protection?"
Author: Christopher Ryan

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