Top Vimes Quotes

Browse top 72 famous quotes and sayings about Vimes by most favorite authors.

Favorite Vimes Quotes

1. "Who really knew what evil lurked in the heart of men?ME.Who knew what sane men were capable of?STILL ME, I'M AFRAID.Vimes glanced at the door of the last room. No, he wasn't going in there again. No wonder it stank here.YOU CAN'T HEAR ME, CAN YOU? OH. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT, said Death, and waited."
Author: Terry Pratchett
2. "There should be people around, shouldn't there? Vimes was hazy on rural issues, but weren't there supposed to be charcoal burners, woodcutters, and . . . he tried to think . . . little girls taking goodies to granny? The stories Vimes had learned as a kid suggested that all forests were full of bustle, activity, and the occasional scream. But this place was silent."
Author: Terry Pratchett
3. "Yes, yes, yes," said Vimes, who could recognize the verbal foot getting ready to stick itself in the aural door."
Author: Terry Pratchett
4. "Young Sam at this point had tired of petticoat company and had drifted over to an elderly goblin man who was working on a pot, and was watching with extreme fascination to the apparent pleasure, as far as Vimes could tell, of the elderly goblin. That's a lesson to us...I don't know what kind of lesson, but it's a lesson, he thought."
Author: Terry Pratchett
5. "Vimes had once discussed the Ephebian idea of ‘democracy' with Carrot, and had been rather interested in the idea that everyone had a vote until he found out that while he, Vimes, would have a vote, there was no way in the rules that anyone could prevent Nobby Nobbs from having one as well. Vimes could see the flaw there straight away."
Author: Terry Pratchett
6. "What about the Vimes manual, then?" snapped Vimes. "I notice you've never bothered to learn how to use me!" The demon hesitated. "Humans come with a manual?" it said."It'd be a damn good idea!" said Vimes."True," murmured Angua. "It could say things like 'Chapter One: Bingeley bingeley beep and other damn fool things to spring on people at six in the morning," said Vimes, his eyes wild. "And 'Troubleshooting: my owner keeps trying to drop me in the privy, what am I doing wrong?"
Author: Terry Pratchett
7. "A Duke couldn't have the arse hanging out of his trousers when meeting foreign diplomats. Actually even plain old Sam Vimes never had the arse hanging out of his trousers, either, but no one would have actually started a war if he had."
Author: Terry Pratchett
8. "Then there's the way you krazak your G'ardrgh," said Corporal Littlebottom. "I won't even ask," said Vimes. "I'm afraid I can't explain in any case," said Cheery."
Author: Terry Pratchett
9. "Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all night. They communicated by means of notes. They had three grown-up children, all born, Vimes had assumed, as a result of extremely persuasive handwriting."
Author: Terry Pratchett
10. "Mr Vimes," said Mrs Winkings, "ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch..."Say 'Watch', why don't you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the twenty-third letter of the alphabet enter your life."
Author: Terry Pratchett
11. "Is that you, Sergeant Angua?" said a voice in the gloom. A lantern was open, and lit the approaching face of Constable Visit. As he drew near, she could just make out the thick wad of pamphlets under his other arm. "Hello, Washpot," she said. "What's up?""...looks like a twist of lemon..." said a damp voice from the shadows."Mister Vimes sent me to search the bars of iniquity and low places of sin for you," said Visit."And the literature?" said Angua. "By the way, the words "nothing personal" could have so easily been added to that last sentence."
Author: Terry Pratchett
12. "Vimes woke in damp and utter darkness with sand under his cheek. Some parts of his body reported for duty, others protested that they had a note from their mother."
Author: Terry Pratchett
13. "I'm not a criminal madman,' said Vimes. (...)'Never mind, you'll soon fit in,' said Lawn."
Author: Terry Pratchett
14. "Look down, your grace," said Skimmer. "Mhm, mhm."Vimes realized he could feel the faintest prick of a knife blade on his stomach. "Look down further," he said.Inigo looked down. He swallowed. Vimes had a knife, too. "You really are no gentleman, then," he said."Make a sudden move and neither are you," said Vimes."
Author: Terry Pratchett
15. "We try to make guests feel welcome," said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes's amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses."You had papers?" he said. Vimes handed them over."It says here "His Grace"," the dwarf said, after reading them for awhile."Yes, that's me.""And there's a sir.""That's me, too.""And an excellency.""'fraid so." Vimes narrowed his eyes. "I was blackboard monitor for awhile, too."
Author: Terry Pratchett
16. "How big a war?""A worse one than the one fifty years ago, I expect," said Cheery."I don't recall people talking about that one," said Vimes."Most humans didn't know about it," said Cheery. "It mostly took place underground. Undermining passages and digging invasion tunnels and so on. Perhaps a few houses fell into mysterious holes and people didn't get their coal, but that was about it.""You mean dwarfs just try to collapse mines on other dwarfs?""Oh, yes.""I thought you were all law-abiding?""Oh, yes, sir. Very law-abiding. Just not very merciful."
Author: Terry Pratchett
17. "Everybody does it!" Quirke burst out. "It's perks!""Everybody?" said Vimes. He looked around at the squad. "Anyone else here take bribes?"His glare ran from face to face, causing most of the squad to do an immediate impression of the Floorboard and Ceiling Inspectors Synchronized Observation Team."
Author: Terry Pratchett
18. "The horsemen came closer.Vimes was not good at horsemen. Something in him resented being addressed by anyone eight feet above the ground. He didn't like the sensation of being looked at by nostrils."
Author: Terry Pratchett
19. "I'm not bloody well going to have it, understand?" Vimes shouted, shaking the ape back and forth."Oook," the Librarian pointed out, patiently."What? Oh. Sorry." Vimes lowered the ape, who wisely didn't make an issue out of it because a man angry enough to lift 300 pounds of orangutan without noticing is a man with too much on his mind."
Author: Terry Pratchett
20. "No swamp dragon could ever terrorise a kingdom, except by accident. Vimes wondered how many had been killed by enterprising heroes. It was terribly cruel to do something like that to creatures whose only crime was to blow themselves absent-mindedly to pieces in mid-air, which was not something any individual dragon made a habit of. A race of, of whittles, that's what dragons were. Born to lose. Live fast, die wide."
Author: Terry Pratchett
21. "The other two entered the room. Vimes gave his men his usual look of resigned dismay."My squad," he mumbled."Fine body of men," said Lady Ramkin. "The good old rank and file, eh?""The rank, anyway," said Vimes."
Author: Terry Pratchett
22. "We're dealing here," said Vimes, "With a twisted mind.""Oh, no! You think so?""Yes.""But... no... you can't be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time.""Not Nobby," said Vimes testily. "Whatever he might do to a dragon, I doubt if he'd make it explode. There's stranger people in this world than Corporal Nobbs, my lad."Carrot's expression slid into a rictus of intrigued horror."Gosh," he said."
Author: Terry Pratchett
23. "Sybil entered, with a plate."You're not eating enough, Sam," she announced. "And the canteen here is a disgrace. It's all grease and garbage!""That's what the men like, I'm afraid," said Vimes guiltily."I've cleaned out the tar in the tea urn, at least," Sybil went on, with satisfaction."You cleaned out the tar urn?" said Vimes in a hollow voice. It was like being told that someone had wiped the patina off a fine old work of art."Yes, it was like tar in there. There really wasn't much proper food in the store, but I managed to make you a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.""Thank you, dear." Vimes cautiously lifted a corner of the bread with his broken pencil. There seemed to be too much lettuce, which is to say, there was some lettuce."
Author: Terry Pratchett
24. "But it must've happened!" snapped Vimes. "I told you, I can remember it! I was there yesterday!" "Nice try, but that doesn't mean anything anymore," said the monk. "Trust me. Yes, it's happened to you, but even though it has, it might not. 'Cos of quantum. Right now, there isn't a Commander Vimes–shaped hole in the future to drop you into. It's officially Uncertain. But might not be, if you do it right. You owe it to yourself, Commander. Right now, out there, Sam Vimes is learning to be a very bad copper indeed. And he learns fast."
Author: Terry Pratchett
25. "No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?""What?""Oh, you'd like something simpler?"
Author: Terry Pratchett
26. "You'd like Freedom, Truth, and Justice, wouldn't you, Comrade Sergeant?' said Reg encouragingly.'I'd like a hard-boiled egg,' said Vimes, shaking the match out.There was some nervous laughter, but Reg looked offended.'In the circumstances, Sergeant, I think we should set our sights a little higher--''Well, yes, we could,' said Vimes, coming down the steps. He glanced at the sheets of papers in front of Reg. The man cared. He really did. And he was serious. He really was. 'But...well, Reg, tomorrow the sun will come up again, and I'm pretty sure that whatever happens we won't have found Freedom, and there won't be a whole lot of Justice, and I'm damn sure we won't have found Truth. But it's just possible that I might get a hard-boiled egg."
Author: Terry Pratchett
27. "Prisoner: I get it, good cop, bad cop, eh?Vimes: If you like, but we're a bit short-staffed today, so if I give you a cigarette, would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?"
Author: Terry Pratchett
28. "But we don't do things like that!" said Vimes. "You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day!"
Author: Terry Pratchett
29. "And now, because of a song, Vimes, a simple piece of music, Vimes, soft as a breath, stranger than a mountain, some very powerful states have agreed to work together to heal the problems of another autonomous state and, almost as collateral, turn some animals into people at a stroke."
Author: Terry Pratchett
30. "You know what?' said Vimes aloud. 'This is going to be the world's first democratically killed dragon. One man, one stab.'Then you've got to stop them. You can't let them kill it!' said Lady Ramkin.Vimes blinked at her.Pardon?' he said.It's wounded!'Lady, that was the intention, wasn't it? Anyway, it's only stunned,' said Vimes.I mean you can't let them kill it like this,' said Lady Ramkin insistently. 'Poor thing!'What do you want to do, then?' demanded Vimes, his temper unravelling. 'Give it a strengthening dose of tar oil and a nice comfy basket in front of the stove?'It's butchery!'Suits me fine!'But it's a dragon! It's just doing what a dragon does! It never would have come here if people had left it alone!'Vimes thought: it was about to eat her, and she can still think like this. He hesitated. Perhaps that did give you the right to an opinion..."
Author: Terry Pratchett
31. "Vimes' meeting with the Patrician ended as all such meetings did, with the guest going away in possession of an unfocused yet very nagging suspicion that he'd only just escaped with his life."
Author: Terry Pratchett
32. "Vimes thought for a moment and said, 'Well, dear, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a man with a lot of wood must be in want of a wife who can handle a great big--"
Author: Terry Pratchett
33. "Vimes, listening with his mouth open, wondered why the hell it was that dwarfs believed that they had no religion and no priests. Being a dwarf was a religion. People went into the dark for the good of the clan, and heard things, and were changed, and came back to tell…And then, fifty years ago, a dwarf tinkering in Ankh-Morpork had found that if you put a simple fine mesh over your lantern flame it'd burn blue in the presence of the gas but wouldn't explode. It was a discovery of immense value to the good of dwarfkind and, as so often happens with such discoveries, almost immediately led to a war."And afterwards there were two kinds of dwarf," said Cheery sadly. "There's the Copperheads, who all use the lamp and the patent gas exploder, and the Schmaltzbergers, who stick to the old ways. Of course we're all dwarfs," she said, "but relations are strained."
Author: Terry Pratchett
34. "You are in favour of the common people?" said Dragon mildly.The common people?" said Vimes. "They're nothing special. They're no different from the rich and powerful except they've got no money or power. But the law should be there to balance things up a bit. So I suppose I've got to be on their side."
Author: Terry Pratchett
35. "Little fussy Otto, in his red-lined black opera cloak with pockets for all his gear, his shiny black shoes, his carefully cut widow's peak and, not least, his ridiculous accent that grew thicker or thinner depending on who he was talking to, did not look like a threat. He looked funny, a joke, a music-hall vampire. It had never previously occurred to Vimes that, just possibly, the joke was on other people."
Author: Terry Pratchett
36. "Anyway, Angua seemed to have taken this case personally. She always had a soft spot for the underdog.So did Vimes. You had to. Not because they were pure or noble, because they weren't. You had to be on the side of underdogs because they weren't overdogs."
Author: Terry Pratchett
37. "Vimes had got around to a Clean Desk policy. It was a Clean Floor strategythat eluded him at the moment."
Author: Terry Pratchett
38. "Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!"
Author: Terry Pratchett
39. "Vimes stuck his helmet under his arm, smoothed back his hair, and knocked. He'd considered asking Sargent Colon to accompany him, but had brushed the idea aside quickly. He couldn't have tolerated the sniggering. Anyway, what was there to be afraid of? He'd stared into the jaws of death three times; four, if you included telling Vetinari to shut up."
Author: Terry Pratchett
40. "Vimes stared. It was true about the dogs. There didn't seem to be quite so many mooching around these days, and that was a fact. But he'd visited a few dwarf bars with Carrot, and knew that dwarfs would indeed eat dog, but only of they couldn't get rat. And ten thousand dwarfs eating continuously with knife, fork, and shovel wouldn't make a dent in Ankh-Morpork's rat population. It was a major feature in dwarvish letters back home: come on, everyone, and bring the ketchup."
Author: Terry Pratchett
41. "Oh, good grief," said Vimes. "Look, it's quite simple, man. I was expected to go "At last, alcohol!", and chugalug the lot without thinking. Then some respectable pillars of the community" - he removed the cigar from his mouth and spat - "were going to find me, in your presence, too - which was a nice touch - with the evidence of my crime neatly hidden but not so well hidden that they couldn't find it." He shook his head sadly. "The trouble is, you know, that once the taste's got you it never lets go.""But you've been very good, sir," said Carrot. "I've not seen you touch a drop for -""Oh, that," said Vimes. "I was talking about policing, not alcohol. There's lots of people will help you with the alcohol business, but there's no one out there arranging little meetings where you can stand up and say, "My name is Sam and I'm a really suspicious bastard."
Author: Terry Pratchett
42. "Another priest said,"Is it true you've said you'll believe in any god whose existence can be proved by logical debate?""Yes."Vimes had a feeling about the immediate future and took a few steps away from Dorfl."But the gods plainly do exist," said a priest."It Is Not Evident."A bolt of lightning lanced down through the clouds and hit Dorfl's helmet. There was a sheet of flame and then a trickling noise. Dorfl's molten armour formed puddles around his white-hot feet."I Don't Call That Much Of An Argument," said Dorfl calmly, from somewhere in the clouds of smoke."
Author: Terry Pratchett
43. "Oh, my dear Vimes, history changes all the time. It is constantly being re-examined and re-evaluated, otherwise how would we be able to keep historians occupied? We can't possibly allow people with their sort of minds to walk around with time on their hands."
Author: Terry Pratchett
44. "As the message drained away Vimes stared at the opposite wall, in which the door now opened, after a cursory knock, to reveal the steward bearing that which is guaranteed to frighten away all nightmares, to wit, a cup of hot tea.** The sound of the gentle rattle of china cup on china saucer drives away all demons, a little-known fact."
Author: Terry Pratchett
45. "Vimes struggled to his feet, shook his head and set off after it. No thought was involved. It is the ancient instinct of terriers and policemen to chase anything that runs away."
Author: Terry Pratchett
46. "What a mess the world was in, Vimes reflected. Constable Visit had told him the meek would inherit it, and what had the poor devils done to deserve that?"
Author: Terry Pratchett
47. "Yeah, all right, but everyone knows they torture people," mumbled Sam."Do they?" said Vimes. "Then why doesn't anyone do anything about it?""'cos they torture people."
Author: Terry Pratchett
48. "And give me some coffee. Black as midnight on a moonless night."Harga looked surprised. That wasn't like Vimes."How black's that, then?" he said."Oh, pretty damn black, I should think.""Not necessarily.""What?""You get more stars on a moonless night. Stands to reason. They show up more. It can be quite bright on a moonless night."Vimes sighed."An overcast moonless night?" he said.Harga looked carefully at his coffee pot."Cumulus or cirro-nimbus?""I'm sorry? What did you say?""You get city lights reflected off cumulus, because it's low lying, see. Mind you, you can get high-altitude scatter off the ice crystals in--""A moonless night," said Vimes, in a hollow voice, "that is as black as coffee."
Author: Terry Pratchett
49. "And Sam Vimes thought: Why is Young Sam's nursery full of farmyard animals anyway? Why are his books full of moo-cows and baa-lambs? He is growing up in the city. He will only see them on a plate! They go sizzle!"
Author: Terry Pratchett
50. "Vimes took the view that life was so full of things happening erratically in all directions that the chances of any of them making some kind of relevant sense were remote in the extreme. Colon, being by nature more optimistic and by intellect a good deal slower, was still at the Clues are Important stage."
Author: Terry Pratchett

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