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Top Alan King Quotes

Browse top 21 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by Alan King.

Favorite Alan King Quotes

1. "Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers." ~ Alan King
2. "Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?" ~ Alan King
3. "When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted." ~ Alan King
4. "If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books." ~ Alan King
5. "A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!" ~ Alan King
6. "And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them." ~ Alan King
7. "I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special." ~ Alan King
8. "I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor." ~ Alan King
9. "I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy." ~ Alan King
10. "Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom." ~ Alan King
11. "My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails." ~ Alan King
12. "There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'" ~ Alan King
13. "As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father." ~ Alan King
14. "Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank." ~ Alan King
15. "I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going." ~ Alan King
16. "I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice." ~ Alan King
17. "I was a high school throw-out." ~ Alan King
18. "It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback." ~ Alan King
19. "Modesty is not one of my virtues." ~ Alan King
20. "My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'" ~ Alan King
21. "My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews." ~ Alan King

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Today's Quote

I was once described by one of my critics as an aesthetic fascist."
Author: Alan Parker

What Did Alan King Talk About?

Hen
Fat
Father
Here
Hey
Mother
Wit

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