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Top Daniel Tosh Quotes

Browse top 19 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by Daniel Tosh.

Favorite Daniel Tosh Quotes

1. "I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts." ~ Daniel Tosh
2. "I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this." ~ Daniel Tosh
3. "Face down, ass up, that's the way we both got stuck" ~ Daniel Tosh
4. "Sometimes I cross my own line...it's how I know I still have one." ~ Daniel Tosh
5. "Put that on a postcard: "San Francisco; more butt-fucking per square inch...miss you"." ~ Daniel Tosh
6. "I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension." ~ Daniel Tosh
7. "It's not a stereotype if it's always true." ~ Daniel Tosh
8. "Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'" ~ Daniel Tosh
9. "I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It's really made the touring a lot less grueling." ~ Daniel Tosh
10. "The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid." ~ Daniel Tosh
11. "Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him." ~ Daniel Tosh
12. "Here's what I tell people now when they come to my shows: 'First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.'" ~ Daniel Tosh
13. "I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower." ~ Daniel Tosh
14. "I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida." ~ Daniel Tosh
15. "It's the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central, and they've been good to me." ~ Daniel Tosh
16. "I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out." ~ Daniel Tosh
17. "I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit." ~ Daniel Tosh
18. "I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities." ~ Daniel Tosh
19. "I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts." ~ Daniel Tosh

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Today's Quote

Erin called us soul mates, but I…I've always known it was more than that. It's like we share the same soul, and when we're apart, each half is looking for the other."
Author: A.L. Jackson

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