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Top Jonathan L Howard Quotes

Browse top 33 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by Jonathan L Howard.

Favorite Jonathan L Howard Quotes

1. "Permanence in the land of sleep is better than gold in the world of wakefulness." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
2. "Real history was unromantic, steeped in greed and blood and abject eye-rolling stupidity. An endless parade of putative Ozymandiases marching off to glory before snapping off at the ankles in the depths of the desert: that was human history. Every now and then there would be the pretence of civilisation, but soon enough the restless, hateful, atavistic hearts of humanity would tear down the towers and slide back into barbarism, squealing with glee. Decadence loves the taste of blood, even though it is poison." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
3. "I had wanted some cheese, but couldn't find any at short notice. It was a shame. Cheese goes so well with tragedy." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
4. "Instead he gave Cabal his most professional pat on the shoulder. It was his best pat, the one that said, You have my most sincere albeit non-specific sympathies. It was all he could do." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
5. "You're familiar with the theory of evolution?" asked Cabal."Sir?""They're about to find out why intelligence is a survival trait." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
6. "You've had your warning, Cabal. Now, prepare to face the terrible arcane wrath of Maleficarus!" Somewhere, a sheep bleated and quite ruined the effect." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
7. "A census taker once tried to test me. I let my front garden eat him." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
8. "Cabal regarded her with mild amusement. "Smile when you whisper," he advised her. "You're supposed to be flirting with me, if you recall?" She stared at him icily. Then suddenly her expression thawed and she smiled winsomely, her eyes dewy with romantic love. "Oh, sweetheart… somebody tried to kill you? Whosoever would do such a thing to my nimpty-bimpty snookums?"Cabal could not have been more horrified if she'd pulled off her face to reveal a gaping chasm of eternal night from which glistening tentacles coiled and groped. That had already happened to him once in his life, and he wasn't keen to repeat the experience. "What?" he managed in a dry whisper."Smile when you whisper," she said, her expression fixed and blood-curdlingly coquettish. You're supposed to be flirting with me, remember?" "Please don't do that." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
9. "Zombies are so passe" ~ Jonathan L. Howard
10. "You know, I don't believe they noticed I had murdered them. I really don't. They just seemed faintly put out, as if it were a bit of bad luck, an act of God. 'Oh, my carotid artery has been severed with an open razor. I knew I should have cut down on greasy foods.' 'Botheration, I'm being belaboured with a fourteenth-century battleaxe. What are the odds, eh?" ~ Jonathan L. Howard
11. "It's a philosophical minefield!"Cabal had a brief mental image of Aristotle walking halfway across an open field before unexpectedly disappearing in a fireball. Descartes and Nietzsche looked on appalled. He pulled himself together." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
12. "His pièce de résistance was the-thing-I-shot-with-my-crossbow-au-vin, which was universally praised on the second evening." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
13. "Your argument is as specious as it is fallacious. I do not give a damn that we have crossed a sea to be here. By your logic, if one was to circumnavigate the globe before being given the option of jumping off a cliff or not jumping off a cliff, you would fling yourself off immediately because - oh, my goodness - you've gone all that way and it would be a shame not to do something memorably stupid at the end. Not memorable to you, of course: you'd be dead. But everyone for miles around will always remember the day the idiot from afar threw himself to his death because, well, it would have been a shame not to." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
14. "We're supposed to be doing the devil's work and you've gone and contaminated it all with the whiff of virtue. I really don't think you've quite got the hang of being an agent of evil." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
15. "Now you're an adult, Katya!" he'd said, picking her up under the armpits like he'd been doing since she'd been born." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
16. "All this bunch of so-called 'adults' was doing was making enemies of one another when what they really needed to be concentrating on was how to get out alive." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
17. "This is Hell," he tried to explain for the third time. "Not a drop-in centre. You can't just turn up and say, 'Oh, I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd call by and have a bit of a chinwag with Lord Satan.' It simply isn't done.""No," said the infuriating mortal. "It hasn't been done. There is a difference. May I pass now?""No, you may not. Satan's a very busy . . . um, is very busy right now. He can't go interrupting his work for every Tom, Dick, and Johannes"--he paused for effect, but the human just looked at him with a faint air of what seemed to be pity--"Harry, that is, who turns up demanding audience.""Really?" said Cabal. "I had no idea. I thought this would be an uncommon occurrence, unique even, but you seem to imply that it happens all the time. Fair enough." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
18. "Cats, as any rational person knows, are solitary, opportunistic, ambush predators, much like spiders, but with fewer legs and a better fan club." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
19. "... the first few minutes of a person's death are the most vitally important minutes of opportunity for a necromancer, [so] Cabal added, "Look, I have to go. Without the necessary chemicals, we'll lose whatever wits are still floating around his cooling brain. The only more immediate alternative that I can think of is a Tantric ritual involving necrophiliac sodomy and, frankly, I don't think my back is up to it. So, if you will excuse me?" ~ Jonathan L. Howard
20. "Rufus Maleficarus has sorely disappointed me personally. I thought he was making quite a good recovery from what the previous director had unhelpfully referred to as "a soul-searing, sanity-dissolving, profoundly malevolent appetite for power and revenge." As it happens, I think the finger-painting lessons were going very well, at least up until Rufus used the paint to create a summoning circle, and then rode out of here on the back of an obliging Hound of Tindalos..." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
21. "The Mayor of Murslaugh was a jolly, ebullient man of the sort who, in a well-ordered world, would be called Fezziwig. That his name was Brown was a powerful indictment on the sorry state of things." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
22. "Cabal dimly recalled that the musical genius who'd decided to put on Necronomicon: The Musical had got everything he deserved: money, fame, and torn to pieces by an invisible monster." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
23. "But when it comes to applied sciences, technologies, any spotty Herbert with a degree and a lab coat can perform greater wonders than Merlin." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
24. "Do shut your mouth--you'll catch flies sitting there like that." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
25. "He's painted himself into a corner and a thousand lazy reporters and ever-so-sincere politicians had rendered the only word that he could use comically melodramatic. 'I think ... Johannes Cabal ... is evil." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
26. "Admittedly, given the Dreamland's tendency towards the dramatic, should any ship come to the island it would probably be full of cannibalistic pirates, piratical cannibals, Jehovah's witnesses or similar. That was acceptable, however. He was sure they could come to some arrangement that didn't involve any unpleasantness. Any unpleasantness to himself,at any rate." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
27. "She felt oddly complimented. Petrov hadn't thought she's just a girl; he'd thought she might be a desperate criminal." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
28. "As the barman's hand rose from beneath the bar, Cabal was filled with a presentiment and a strange foreboding that he hadn't felt since the last time he'd watched the nightmare corpse city of R'lyeh rise, effulgent with the ineffable and fetid with fish, rise from the depths of the Pacific." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
29. "You wish to isolate fear. Ah, well, if only I'd realised your ambitions were so simple. Perhaps we can work up to it by capturing faith, bottling hope, and presenting love to the world as a commodity, available by the pound, wrapped in greaseproof paper and topped with a bow." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
30. "They served to remind Cabal - should a reminder ever be necessary - why his social skills were so poor: people were loathsome and not worth the practise." ~ Jonathan L. Howard
31. "No churchmen, I notice. Of course not. What use have they for a world without irrational fear?" ~ Jonathan L. Howard
32. "Not entirely fair?" His voice became that of the inferno: a rushing, booming howl of icy evil that flew around the great cavern, as swift and cold as the Wendigo on skates. "I am Satan, also called Lucifer the Light Bearer..."Cabal winced. What was it about devils that they always had to give you their whole family history?"I was cast down from the presence of God himself into this dark, sulfurous pit and condemned to spend eternity here-""Have you tried saying sorry?" interrupted Cabal."No, I haven't! I was sent down for a sin of pride. It rather undermines my position if I say 'sorry'!" ~ Jonathan L. Howard
33. "Horst passed him a bottle he had picked up in his rapid trip from there to here. Remarkably, it's contents had survived the transit. "Drink this," he said, unmoved by Cabal's anger. "You need to save your voice for your next session." Cabal took the bottle testily and swigged from it. there was a moments pause, just long enough for Cabal's expression to change from testy to horrified revulsion. He spat the liquid violently onto the grass like a man who has got absent-minded with the concentrated nitric acid and a mouth pipette. He glared at Horst as he took off his spectacles and wiped his suddenly weeping eyes "Disinfectant? You give me disinfectant to drink?" Horst's surprise was replaced with mild amusement. "It's root beer, Johannes. Have you never had root beer?" Cabal looked suspiciously at him, then at the bottle "People drink this?" "Yes." "For non-medical reasons?" "That's right." Cabal shook his head in open disbelief. "They must be insane." ~ Jonathan L. Howard

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Today's Quote

Liberals, many of them, not all of them, but many of them are obsessed with race. They see everything through a filter of race."
Author: Bernard Goldberg

What Did Jonathan L. Howard Talk About?

Wit
Thin
Use
Ally
Per
Here
Hey
Ear
Pen
Call
Thou
Sin
Hen
Con
Bee
Said
Self
Tan
Lie
Son
Himself
End
Tried
She
Though
Since
Owe
Ten
Cent
Able
King
Off
Once
Happen
Ought
Eye
Evil
Enough
Sit
Looked
Quit
Quite
Rate
Ring
Round
Open
Sat
Los
Bit

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