Justin Halpern quotes: top famous quotes and sayings by Justin Halpern

Top Justin Halpern Quotes

Browse top 19 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by Justin Halpern.

Favorite Justin Halpern Quotes

1. "Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens." ~ Justin Halpern

2. "If you work hard and study hard. And you fuck up. That's okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then you're a fuckup" ~ Justin Halpern

3. "You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon." ~ Justin Halpern

4. "... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello." ~ Justin Halpern

5. "My dad is awesome." ~ Justin Halpern

6. "I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win." ~ Justin Halpern

7. "I'm not a guy who curses very much in my personal life. When I curse it sounds like a kid trying to be cool. But I think there are quite a few people, my father being one of them, who use curse words rather eloquently." ~ Justin Halpern

8. "The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of." ~ Justin Halpern

9. "Although Kurt Vonnegut may not be considered a humor writer, 'Breakfast of Champions' is one of the funniest books I've ever read." ~ Justin Halpern

10. "I almost feel like I'm unoffendable now. I can roll with whatever." ~ Justin Halpern

11. "Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision." ~ Justin Halpern

12. "I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole." ~ Justin Halpern

13. "The thing with Bill Shatner is he brings something unique to everything he does. He's not the obvious choice for anything, but he always brings something special to it." ~ Justin Halpern

14. "I was an angst-y journal writing kid." ~ Justin Halpern

15. "That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them." ~ Justin Halpern

16. "I hadn't gone to one dance in my entire high schoolcareer. I was six foot tall and a hundred and twentypounds. When I danced, I looked like a praying mantison fire." ~ Justin Halpern

17. "You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house." ~ Justin Halpern

18. "Advice is bullshit. It's just one asshole's opinion." ~ Justin Halpern

19. "You stand in front of an electric fence and whip your dick out to take a piss on it, it's pretty clear you're about to make a mistake. Other than that, you pretty much have no way of knowing." ~ Justin Halpern

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Celebrity never really served me that well; it serves other people well."
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