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Top Molly Harper Quotes

Browse top 111 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by Molly Harper.

Favorite Molly Harper Quotes

1. "Mama operated under the assumption that I was eight years old and incapable of feeding myself. It was physically impossible for her to cross my threshold without some form of nourishment. She once offered me cheese and crackers from her while we were standing in my kitchen." ~ Molly Harper
2. "Misery, thy name is Mudslide" ~ Molly Harper
3. "Hi Maggie, it's nice to see you again,' he said, smiling so sweetly I thought I might need insulin." ~ Molly Harper
4. "Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill everything we can find, put it into a pot, and call it 'holiday gumbo'." ~ Molly Harper
5. "Hubert's wife, Mindy, was a tiny powerhouse of a woman with a halo of wild blond hair and eye makeup so complex it took me a while to locate her pupils. She was clearly the brains of the operation, such as she was." ~ Molly Harper
6. "Aunt Jettie: "yes, i'm wandering the earth seeking revenge on ben & jerry for giving me the fat a$$ and coronary & I give out love advice to the tragically lonely."jane: "Is that an ironic eternal punishment for the lady who died an eighty-one year old spinster." jettie: "single by choice you twirp."jane: "banshee."jettie: "bloodsucker." ~ Molly Harper
7. "Jane: "Look, Dave Chandler left me on the ninth floor of our university research library without my panties after we lost our virginity together. He never called me again and actually turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction whenever he saw me on campus. Unless you're going to do that, I don't think were gonna have a problem. Gabriel?"Gabriel: "Sorry. Something strange happened inside my head when you said the word "panties". The overwhelming urge to kill Dave Chandler combined with a simultaneous loss of blood to the brain." ~ Molly Harper
8. "Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him." ~ Molly Harper
9. "The scent of growth, quiet and green, hung heavy in the air. I heard everything. I saw everything. I could count the craters on the moon. I could count every mosquito buzz past, bypassing my tender skin out of respect for a fellow bloodsucker." ~ Molly Harper
10. "Can we get a whiteboard,like on Law and Order?" Andrea asked.Dick nodded. "I was thinking official 'Keep Jane from Being Murdered Task Force' T-shirts." ~ Molly Harper
11. "My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa." ~ Molly Harper
12. "When you've taken all you can, walk away. Be the bigger person. Or at least find a bigger person." ~ Molly Harper
13. "The ring is a copy of my mother's. I took the stone from her engagement ring and had a jeweler place it in a titanium setting.""Titanium?" I asked."Dick knew a guy.""Of course he did.""You're a bit rough and tumble with jewelry, and I knew it would have to be able to stand up to…""Nuclear winter?"His eyebrow lifted. "I never know with you." ~ Molly Harper
14. "You are the night.""I am the night," I repeated."You are the night."I cocked my head, sending him a questioning look. "I am the night?""Jane!""Why is it that when you say my name, it sounds like a curse word?" ~ Molly Harper
15. "...yourself into an information-overload-fueled frenzy, convinced that you could arrange the whole wedding yourself, and eventually killed one of your loved ones in a glue-gun-related mishap" ~ Molly Harper
16. "I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked." ~ Molly Harper
17. "Does Hallmark make a "Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner" card? I settled for "How much do you remember?" ~ Molly Harper
18. "If one is going to spend her afternoon singing hymns to the great porcelain goddess, she might as well do it in a really plush ladies room. Stupid fear of public speaking." ~ Molly Harper
19. "Maybe the problem was that we never struggled. We just coasted along. The thing about coasting is that it usually means you're going downhill." ~ Molly Harper
20. "Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears." ~ Molly Harper
21. "There was not a lot of room for someone like me, who kept the gossip mill running like a hamster wheel." ~ Molly Harper
22. "Well, pardon me for not knowing about the thermal-only panty rule," I said, smirking as he dipped his head to nuzzle one of the silky bra cups. "I'll rush right out and buy some long johns."Pausing to look up with perfect sincerity, he promised, "If you do, I will weep. Like a little girl. In public." ~ Molly Harper
23. "Not to be rude, but it was all pointless," I noted from across the room. Four eyes narrowed at me. "What? I said 'not to be rude'. That's like saying 'God bless them' right after you say bad things about someone. It means it doesn't count!" ~ Molly Harper
24. "If you want to hurt me fine. Take my books. Burn down my house. Shave my head while I'm sleeping. But nobody nobody screws with my dog." ~ Molly Harper
25. "Note to self: Try to stop reacting to surprises like a cartoon character."Jane Jameson" ~ Molly Harper
26. "He stroked a hand across my shoulders. "You know, I've never seen this agressively intellectual side of you before. It's rather disturbing and yet somehow a little sexy."Which is pretty much how we define our relationship", I said." ~ Molly Harper
27. "You will treat my underwear with the reverence it deserves. Next time, you will stop and appreciate--hell, you'll marvel at the miracle of my ass clad in silk." ~ Molly Harper
28. "Vampires have bright eyes glistening white teeth unnaturally smooth skin and a certain animal magnetism. If they aren't pretty they starve. It's sort of like life in Los Angeles." ~ Molly Harper
29. "Are you sure about that he called off the wedding, Jolene? Sometimes Zeb misspells stuff in e-mails, and it comes across badly." ~ Molly Harper
30. "I was that weird kid that checked out all of the non-fiction paranormal studies books from the library. I've always been fascinated by the supernatural, particularly movies and TV shows that manage to blend humor with the horror - 'Supernatural', 'Buffy', 'Angel.'" ~ Molly Harper
31. "I wondered what would be the most humiliating way possible to be turned into a vampire - a story that a vampire would be embarrassed to share with their vampire buddies over a nice glass of Type O." ~ Molly Harper
32. "Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.""I was curious!" ~ Molly Harper
33. "Jane: "Missy was not so subtly reminding me that she had done something nice for me and here i was being rude when all she was asking me to do was attend a nice party. This was the way southern women worked all peaches & cream laced with arsenic." ~ Molly Harper
34. "Stupid werewolf ninja sperm." ~ Molly Harper
35. "Maybe it was just an over abundance of hormones, a response to a sexual starvation diet. I'd been without for so long that my body was craving the worst possible thing for me. Cooper was carnal triple chocolate cheesecake, deep-fried on a stick." ~ Molly Harper
36. "Tell them you're pregnant with a married minister's baby, then say, "Just kidding! I'm a vampire,'" she suggested." ~ Molly Harper
37. "We don't have problems", Gabriel insisted.You killed someone!I killed someone for you!Well, pardon me if I don't think that's going to make it into the next collection of Halmark cards!" (p. 301)." ~ Molly Harper
38. "Johnny Cash had all of the same talents and problems as Elvis - a poor upbringing in the rural South exposure to gospel music throughout his childhood a penchant for drug abuse...they had the same sort of influencing experiences but Johnny' Cash's problematic relationship was with his father not his mother. If he had had the mommy issues that Elvis had instead of a compelling need to prove himself to his father, he wouldn't have been the badass man in black, the guy in Folsom Prison watching the train roll by. Elvis was a lot of things but even with the karate and the gunplay he was more unstable than badass." ~ Molly Harper
39. "I let Eli blow so much smoke up my skirt I'm surprised I don't have ass cancer." ~ Molly Harper
40. "It seems kind of light for a dozen books. I think it's probably that unnatural number of Jason Statham DVDs you ordered."He has to have filmed a nude scene at some point in his career. I don't care how many shoot-'em-up action movies I have to watch, I will find it," I said solemnly. "Oh, yes, I will find it." ~ Molly Harper
41. "...and challenging your neighborhood to a round of competitive outdoor decorating. Because you're not really celebrating the birth of Jesus unless your house can be spotted by passing aircraft." ~ Molly Harper
42. "I was just turned last week. I'm a librarian."He stilled, as if I'd just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. "I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was a librarian by day, a call girl by--"I stopped him with a quick lift of an eyebrow. "If you finish that sentence, we cannot be friends." ~ Molly Harper
43. "She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth...Look, there they are." ~ Molly Harper
44. "Zeb was kindergarten teacher--a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students." ~ Molly Harper
45. "What can you do?" he asked.It took me a few seconds to catch up to Daddy's question. He was asking about my snazzy new vampire powers, not expressing helplessness about my being turned by a guy with "shoves trees on people" tendencies."Oh, um, a lot of stuff, except, you know, eat solid food and go outside during the day, " I said. "Even my pot pie?" Mama cried. Yes, because in this situation, pot pie was what we should be focusing on." ~ Molly Harper
46. "I was shameless in my supermarket-shelf mass-market taste. I loved King, Evanovich, Grisham and Brown. I won't lie; the oficial-looking filing cabinet in the corner is actually stuffed full of my paperbacks." ~ Molly Harper
47. "Don't tell them he's upstairs , I commanded my brain. Tell them he moved to Pacoima to start a commune for vegetarian vampires. Tell them he's looking into getting a sex-change operation and renaming himself Lulu Pleshette." ~ Molly Harper
48. "I held it together for the rest of the drive home but as soon as Kelsey dropped me off I flopped face down on the couch and sobbed like a reality TV star on confessional day." ~ Molly Harper
49. "He was always 'checking in' to see if I needed any help with my campaign, which on the surface seemed nice enough, but it was done in a condescending tone that made me want to staple his lip to his tie." ~ Molly Harper
50. "Establishing dominance early in the relationship is key. Vampire children are like human children in that they can sense weakness. They will wait for you to be busy or too distracted to realize that you've given them permission to feed on the pizza guy. —Siring for the Stupid: A Beginner's Guide to Raising Newborn Vampires" ~ Molly Harper
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Today's Quote

I am not meant to be alone and without you who understands."
Author: Carson McCullers

What Did Molly Harper Talk About?

Wit
Per
Ear
Thin
She
Ally
Use
End
King
Said
Ring
Off
Vampire
Call
Here
Eye
Sin
Con
Son
Act
Hen
Ten
Less
Sing
Old
Star
Era
Hey
Turn
Side
Blood
Bee
Yes
Self
Cause
Word
Cat
Able
Book
Boo
Owe
Thou
Lit
Tie
Bar
Miss
Ask
Pen
Mad
Super

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