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Top Neil Simon Quotes

Browse top 16 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by Neil Simon.

Favorite Neil Simon Quotes

1. "When its 100 degrees in New York, it's 72 in Los Angeles. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles it's still 72. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles." ~ Neil Simon
2. "I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. It's either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple" ~ Neil Simon
3. "I'm getting chest pains...You give me chest pains Uncle Willie.It's my fault you get excited.Yes, it's your fault! I only get chest pains on Wednesdays.So come on Tuesdays." ~ Neil Simon
4. "You're a witness. You're always standing around watching what's happening, scribbling in your book what other people do. You have to get in the middle of it. You have to take sides. Make a contribution to the fight. Any fight. The one you believe in. Until you do, you'll never be a writer, Eugene." ~ Neil Simon
5. "You like a cracker?What kind of cracker?Graham, chocolate, cocoanut, whatever you want.Maybe just a plain cracker.I don't have plain crackers. I got graham, chocolate and cocoanut.Alright, a graham cracker.They're in the kitchen, in the closet.Maybe later." ~ Neil Simon
6. "Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend." ~ Neil Simon
7. "Sure it hurts, but if you love someone, you forgive them." BlancheSomethings you forgive, somethings you never forgive." Kate" ~ Neil Simon
8. "Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples." ~ Neil Simon
9. "If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet." ~ Neil Simon
10. "If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor." ~ Neil Simon
11. "New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it." ~ Neil Simon
12. "I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far." ~ Neil Simon
13. "Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count." ~ Neil Simon
14. "Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money." ~ Neil Simon
15. "Nathan Lane always wanted to play Oscar. When he came in the first day, he already knew his lines. He said he'd known them since he was 18." ~ Neil Simon
16. "Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending." ~ Neil Simon

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Today's Quote

But why didn't you just ask me?" I set down my fork and glare at her. "Because you were sleeping," She says, taking a sip if Chardonnay."I was taking a nap, Mom. It wasn't intended to be some kind of Disney fairy-tale hundred-year snooze."
Author: Alyson Noel

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