A Psycho Ex Boyfriend Quotes

1. "If the Lord hasn't got a boyfriend lined up for me to marry, that's his business."
Author: Barbara Kingsolver

2. "Sleepwalking?""Nightmare?""Homicidal psycho jungle cat!"
Author: Bill Watterson

3. "Despite the heat in her face, it felt as if cold needles of ice were running up and down her veins. "What are you doing here?"He drew back slightly, looking disappointed. "That isn't really an answer to my question, you know. I was expecting more of a "Hallelujah Chorus.' I mean, it's not every day your boyfriend comes back from the dead.""I already knew you weren't dead." She spoke through numb lips. "I saw you in the library. With--""Colonel Mustard?""Sebastian."
Author: Cassandra Clare

4. "I just made it official. I'm a twenty-eight year old married woman with a twenty-two year old boyfriend who lives twenty minutes from a husband he doesn't know exists. That God I started believing in a few minutes ago is sending me straight to Hell."
Author: Chrissy Anderson

5. "Remember: eye contact," he says. "And be sure to smile.""You are such a mom.""You know what your problem is?""That my boyfriend is acting like a mom?"
Author: Christina Baker Kline

6. "I watch, and the mothers watch. I do not know how to interact with the mothers. Am I them? They occasionally try to include me in a conversation, but it's clear they don't know what to make of me. I look over and smile when one of them makes a joke that is laughed at by all. They laugh, I chuckle—not too much, I don't want to seem overeager, but enough to say "I hear you. I laugh with you. I share in the moment." But when the chuckling is over I am still apart, something else, and no one is sure what I am. They don't want to invest their time in the brother sent to pick up Toph while his mother cooks dinner or is stuck at work or in traffic. To them I'm a temp. A cousin maybe. The young boyfriend of a divorcee? They don't care.Fuck it. I don't want to be friends with these women, anyway. Why would I care? I am not them. They are the old model and we are the new."
Author: Dave Eggers

7. "My niece was very much caught up in the vampire craze for young adults, and she thought having a vampire boyfriend would be a cool thing. What do you do on a first date? The more I thought about it, the more fun I had imagining what you'd serve a vampire for dinner."
Author: Deborah Harkness

8. "Judy's friend that she has known the longest has just broken up with her boyfriend and is depressed. Judy likes her more now that she is depressed and feels unmotivated in life. Judy feels unmotivated in life."
Author: Ellen Kennedy

9. "White lies are in chapter two of the bestfriend handbook. They are to be used sparingly and only under extreme circumstances. I'm pretty sure finding out your boyfriend of more than a year is a total jerk qualifies."
Author: Heather Hepler

10. "My boyfriend dumped me. My best friend won't talk to me. My future is in a garbage can. Everything has turned to crap. Can you please just let me be a sullen teenager. just this once"
Author: J.J. Johnson

11. "My eyes change color depending on my mood and what I'm wearing. If I'm wearing an acorn brown shirt, my eyes look like squirrel fur. And if I'm wearing no shirt at all, my eyes look more nude and flesh-colored. I guess my ex girlfriend, Zelda, said it best when her friend asked her what I look like and she said: "He looks like you'd imagine him to look like, if you had no imagination."
Author: Jarod Kintz

12. "The parents are making threatening noises, turning dinner into performance art, with dad doing his Arnold Schwarzenegger imitation and mom playing Glenn Close in one of her psycho roles. I am the Victim.Mom: [creepy smile] "Thought you could put one over us, did you, Melinda? Big high school students now, don't need to show your homework to your parents, don't need to show any failing test grades?"Dad: [bangs table, silverware jumps] "Cut the crap. She knows what's up. The interim reports came today. Listen to me, young lady. I'm only going to say this to you once. You get those grades up or your name is mud. Hear me? Get them up!" [Attacks baked potato.]"
Author: Laurie Halse Anderson

13. "No. Freud said it best, I think, when he said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Sometimes your mother's boyfriend is just a loser"
Author: Nenia Campbell

14. "Really? Is he running for Worst Boyfriend Ever?""In the subcategory of Completely Awesome."
Author: Rachel Caine

15. "I think you like other things better than me," he said on Gmail chat that night. "I mean generally you like things that aren't people. More than people. Like eating or sleeping or something. If you don't want to do something then just tell me and we don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, instead of just pretending or something.""I want to be boyfriend and girlfriend," said Dakota Fanning. "I am learning. I know what to do.""I don't understand when people don't do what they say they want to do.""Me either," said Dakota Fanning. "That's why I don't understand myself or like myself.""I still don't understand," said Haley Joel Osment."I'm killing myself," said Dakota Fanning. "Good night."
Author: Tao Lin

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