Agatha Quotes

1. "Custodianship must be mine. I would find Agatha and take my son into my arms, a wonder of childhood obesity, his mother's form still a smile on his lips, no pale blue heart problems, no nursery rhymes. The rhythm of the feet would be enough for him. We would mop floors together, sweep. He would hold the bucket and the dustpan while I taught him of the essentials of life."
Author: Benson Bruno

2. "I suspect he's sweet on Sophie and doesn't like to see her work too hard.'Tessa was glad to hear it. She'd felt awful about her reaction to Sophie's scar, and the thought that Sophie had a male admirer - and a handsome one like that- eased her conscience slightly. 'Perhaps he's in love with Agatha', she said.'I hope not. I intend to marry Agatha myself. She may be a thousand years old, but she makes an incomparable jam tart. Beauty fades, but cooking is eternal."
Author: Cassandra Clare

3. "Resist demonstrating that your worldliness was more fiction than fact," he whispered. "You, Lady Agatha, in the common parlance with which you are so fascinatingly familiar, ‘ain't so tough."
Author: Connie Brockway

4. "How can you love me?" she asked, forcing herself to say the words that would kill the tenderness in his eyes. "You don't even know me. You know ‘Lady Agatha,' a composite, a character, a role I played."He shook his head, his negation gentle but certain. "I didn't fall in love with a character, a title, or an occupation. I didn't fall in love with you because of your past or despite it."I love you because of your intensity and passion, because you make me want to be better than I am, because seeing my reflection in your eyes makes me better than I am. I love you because you laugh easily and honestly. I love you because you carried an ugly mutt into a drawing room as though it were a prince and because you gave an old soldier a strawberry trifle. I love you, Letty."
Author: Connie Brockway

5. "I read all the Agatha Christies when I was younger and like Sherlock Holmes. Crime fiction has always fascinated me, but I'll read anything anyone gives me."
Author: Emilia Fox

6. "Agatha was so tight-fisted she could squeeze a penny and strangle Abe Lincoln."
Author: Jarod Kintz

7. "Four lips, two mouths, one kiss, ½ of love (Agatha wasn't into me, apparently). My mouth does nothing but long to kiss Agatha, and my penis would long if only it weren't so short."
Author: Jarod Kintz

8. "Agatha's love had wings like a penguin. Certainly this was a plus in the cold winter months. But our relationship never really took flight. It was grounded like a 747 minus 748."
Author: Jarod Kintz

9. "Agatha and I rode off towards the sunset together. On a unicycle. Two bodies, one wheel, one seat, one love. And tomorrow Agatha's clone and I will ride off towards the sunrise together. On a bicycle. Two bodies, two wheels, one seat, two loves, one chance to make our lives really ours, despite being a derivative."
Author: Jarod Kintz

10. "As a lake is the reciprocal of an island, so Agatha is the soup to my spoon. She makes me feel like an apple and a doctor, keeping myself away from myself, like the yellow stripes yelling at the black bars of a bee."
Author: Jarod Kintz

11. "I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha's eyes out with my love poems."
Author: Jarod Kintz

12. "I love Agatha like uh huh. I love her like an elephant needs nasty rhinoplasty and plastic rhino sex."
Author: Jarod Kintz

13. "I am Oscar Wilde's reversible underwear. I am John Wayne's rusty six-shooter. I am William Shakespeare's identity crisis. I am a kiss delivered Priority Mail, to a girl named Agatha, by me dressed as a mailman."
Author: Jarod Kintz

14. "I could pour my love in a coffee cup and the shivering and skeptical would beg me to drink it on a cold winter morning. And could they drink from my coffee cup? No, because it's not like there is coffee in there, or even hot chocolate. My love is the only thing filling that cup, and everyone knows (well, everyone but Agatha knows) that you can't drink my love, you can only eat it. That's because my love is frozen like 32 degrees spun around 180 degrees, translated to Inuit, shipped to Siberia, tutored in a gulag, and sent back to the US in the form of a Martini on the rocks by a bartender named Martin Rock."
Author: Jarod Kintz

15. "Agatha had so much love she could fill a room. A room filled with strange men, which she often did. I don't care if every single man in that room looked exactly like me, they were strangers."
Author: Jarod Kintz

16. "Agatha had her tubes tied and now she can't get any toothpaste."
Author: Jarod Kintz

17. "On my first date with Agatha, I wore tight green Spandex, which made my skinny legs look like asparagus. Knowing no heterosexual woman could resist such a temptation, I set out to seduce her."
Author: Jarod Kintz

18. "Too bad Agatha was colorblind, because she had no idea how beautiful her eyes were. Agatha's eyes were grey, blue, green, and brown, though never all at once and never more than two eyes at a time."
Author: Jarod Kintz

19. "I remember the second time I took Agatha out. I wanted to go to Dairy Queen, and she wanted to go to Burger King. In the end we settled for wieners and clams at Johnny Hermaphrodite's."
Author: Jarod Kintz

20. "Agatha had rose-colored cheeks, and thorn-like warts all over her slender neck. When we'd make love, I'd pretend I was Helen Keller and her neck was the Book of Love. I like to think I wrote that book, but I didn't. Orafoura did."
Author: Jarod Kintz

21. "Agatha had a face like an avocado, and a voice like guacamole. I know because I eat lime scented (and flavored) tortilla chips all the time (except at 4:44)."
Author: Jarod Kintz

22. "Remember Stalingrad. Remember the crash of 1929. Remember the Industrial Revolution. Now remember that I am the proletariat cog in the machine that causes the meltdown of the aristocratic assembly line. Ben Franklin was a man of vision. Ben wore bifocals. Agatha was a beautiful woman. But if she were standing on her head, she'd look like Walt Disney. She'd often make me feel as small as Mickey Mouse. I am the elevator of love. So why'd she have to take the stairs? I am a rational being. She rationed her love like loaves of bread in times of famine. She was my feminine famine. I ate her love like it was cabbage soup, minus the cabbage; I drank it up like water. She pissed me off like a mouth-shaped urinal that liked to spread, like peanut butter, nasty rumors about the size of my penis. Three inches. That was the width of my love for Agatha. Three and a half years. That was the length of my love for her. 2009. That was the height of my love for her."
Author: Jarod Kintz

23. "If Agatha had a twin, an exact duplicate, would I still feel she's irreplaceable? And if I had a twin, would my value double, or be worth half as much?"
Author: Jarod Kintz

24. "I thought women loved great listeners. How could Agatha leave me? I'm musical, successful, and very, very, very, very sexy. Did I mention the fact that I am sexy? I'm like Brad Pitt, only different looking and much, much, much, much sexier. I am sexier than Brad Pitt!"
Author: Jarod Kintz

25. "Agatha loved military men. Actually, she loved men in uniform. And my bowling league outfit used to drive her wild with desire."
Author: Jarod Kintz

26. "I have alchemised my love for Agatha, and turned it into gold, which is the embodiment of Orafoura. I am the Elixir of Love--hot, cold, dry, and moist, I am the quintessential element: Jell-O. Agatha makes me yummy like John Wayne rides horse radish."
Author: Jarod Kintz

27. "For our third date, Agatha said she wanted to pay separately. And I wouldn't have readily agreed had I known she also meant she wanted to eat separately too."
Author: Jarod Kintz

28. "Agatha was a woman. All women are mortal. Therefore, Agatha must be dead." -Orafoura"
Author: Jarod Kintz

29. "I made a graph of my emotions, a chart, and when I looked it over I was amazed to notice that the day Agatha broke up with me looked identical to the stock market crash of 1929. I thought I was the Irving Fisher of love."
Author: Jarod Kintz

30. "Agatha - You're somewhat odd. You know that, don't you?Felicia - I'll take that as a compliment.Agatha - It wasn't meant as such..."
Author: Jen Turano

31. "Piper- I didn't like Mr. Wilder.Eliza- He's not so bad, Piper, if you overlook his tendency to be condescending.Agatha- And narrow-minded and chauvinistic.Gloria- I think a nice cup of tea is in order before we continue our discussion of Mr. Wilder and his many faults. May I suggest we make ourselves comfortable in the parlor?"
Author: Jen Turano

32. "You need to read some Agatha Christie, man.Why? Am I being punished?"
Author: Joe R. Lansdale

33. "I've always had a great fondness for English detective fiction such as Agatha Christie and Dorothy Sayers."
Author: Kazuo Ishiguro

34. "I feel most akin as an artist, in my life and my career, to Agatha Christie."
Author: M. Night Shyamalan

35. "When the impossible becomes merely difficult, that's when you know you've won." - Agatha Swanburne"
Author: Maryrose Wood

36. "I read two mysteries a day when I was a kid. All of Agatha Christie, all of 'Sherlock Holmes.' I've seen every single British detective show ever made."
Author: Maureen Johnson

37. "I always read a lot as a kid and I'd spend long periods of time in my room reading... I wasn't reading anything great until I got older, but I used to read Agatha Christie mysteries and all of Ian Fleming's 'James Bond' novels."
Author: Michael Riedel

38. "We run to height a bit in our family, and there's about five-foot-nine of Aunt Agatha, topped off with a beaky nose, an eagle eye, and a lot of grey hair, and the general effect is pretty formidable. Anyway, it never even occurred to me for a moment to give her the miss-in-baulk on this occasion. If she said I must go to Roville, it was all over except buying the tickets."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse

39. "The hotel which had had the bad luck to draw Aunt Agatha's custom was the Splendide, and by the time I got there there wasn't a member of the staff who didn't seem to be feeling it deeply. I sympathized with them. I've had experience of Aunt Agatha at hotels before. Of course, the real rough work was all over when I arrived, but I could tell by the way everyone grovelled before her that she had started by having her first room changed because it hadn't a southern exposure and her next because it had a creaking wardrobe and that she had said her say on the subject of the cooking, the waiting, the chambermaiding and everything else, with perfect freedom and candour. She had got the whole gang nicely under control by now. The manager, a whiskered cove who looked like a bandit, simply tied himself into knots whenever she looked at him."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse

40. "Bertie, it is imperative that you marry.""But, dash it all...""Yes! You should be breeding children to...""No, really, I say, please!" I said, blushing richly. Aunt Agatha belongs to two or three of these women's clubs, and she keeps forgetting she isn't in the smoking-room."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse

41. "This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse

42. "The scheme had been, if I remember, that after lunch I should go off and caddy for Honoria on a shopping tour down Regent Street; but when she got up and started collecting me and the rest of her things, Aunt Agatha stopped her."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse

43. "Scotties are smelly, even the best of them. You will recall how my Aunt Agatha's McIntosh niffed to heaven while enjoying my hospitality. I frequently mentioned it to you.' ‘Yes, sir.' ‘And this one is even riper. He should obviously have been bedded out in the stables."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse

44. "Yes, by damn! It's too bad!" cried the whiskered marvel. "You careless old woman! You give my hotel bad names, would you or wasn't it? Tomorrow you leave my hotel, by great Scotland!"... I turned to Aunt Agatha, whose demeanour was now rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back."
Author: P.G. Wodehouse

45. "...Agatha had declared that her friendship to Georgie still existed, as if it was a living, breathing thing, something that came to life the moment it happened and didn't just go away because they no longer acknowledged it."
Author: Sarah Addison Allen

46. "Those silly girls had no idea what they were really celebrating. They had no idea what it took to bring Agatha and her friends together seventy-five years ago. The Women's Society Club had been about supporting one another, about banding together to protect one another because no one else would. But it had turned into an ugly beast, a means by which rich ladies would congratulate themselves by giving money to the poor. And Agatha had let it happen. All her life, it seemed, she was making up for things she let happen."
Author: Sarah Addison Allen

47. "Why were girls in such a hurry to grow up? Agatha would never understand. Childhood was magical. Leaving it behind was a magnificent loss."
Author: Sarah Addison Allen

48. "Agatha surveys the garden, its rows of crinkled spring cabbages and beanstalks entwining bowers of hawthorn and hazel. The rosemary is dotted with pale blue stars of blossom and chives nod heads of tousled purple. New sage leaves sprout silver green among the brittle, frost-browned remains of last year's growth. Lily of the valley, she thinks, that will be out in the cloister garden at Saint Justina's by now."
Author: Sarah Bower

49. "Gently Agatha touched her face in the mirror, glowing from inside. A face no one recognized because it was so happy.There could be no turning back now. The bread crumbs on the dark trail were gone. Instead, she had the truth to guide her. A truth greater than any magic.I've been beautiful all along."
Author: Soman Chainani

50. "Agatha has a dangerous ease about her. She's the kind of person you want to like you."
Author: Victoria Schwab

Agatha Quotes Pictures