Christmas Eve Funny Quotes

1. "She asked me if Christmas was a particularly tense time and whether my father had ever hit my mother while trimming the tree. I couldn't remember anything like that happening, and although it seemed possible, I was suspicious when she asked me if my father had ever thrust the silver star at my mother to deliberately pierce her hand. I said "no" and she said "the bastard" and we both looked a little confused. (p. 9)"
Author: Camilla Gibb

2. "I don't think Christmas is necessarily about things. It's about being good to one another, it's about the Christian ethic, it's about kindness."
Author: Carrie Fisher

3. "They always loved my sense of humor. There used to be a light switch inside one of the nurseries that was a cutout of Jesus putting his arm around two children on each side of him as he towered above them. The switch was ironically located in the spot of where his penis would have been and I was the first to point this out. Everyone thought it was funny until I started singing the childhood church song "Jesus Loves the Little Children." In fear of being struck by lightning or being involved in a massive pile-up car accident after leaving, their laughing ceased. I still thought it was funny."
Author: Chase Brooks

4. "I was never an actress in high school. I didn't start acting until I was in my twenties. I was just a funny cheerleader. I hadn't even seen a show until I was in my twenties, so I was very late getting into the business."
Author: Debra Monk

5. "The anger that Uncle Junior has comes from my background. My father was the son of an Italian immigrant, and I've seen the fire of the Italian temperament. It can be explosive sometimes in ways that are both funny and tragic."
Author: Dominic Chianese

6. "If a man called Christmas Day a mere hypocritical excuse for drunkenness and gluttony, that would be false, but it would have a fact hidden in it somewhere. But when Bernard Shaw says the Christmas Day is only a conspiracy kept up by poulterers and wine merchants from strictly business motives, then he says something which is not so much false as startling and arrestingly foolish. He might as well say that the two sexes were invented by jewellers who wanted to sell wedding rings."
Author: G.K. Chesterton

7. "Lots of models have played mermaids throughout history and it is, kind of, a funny rite of passage."
Author: Gemma Ward

8. "O Christmas Sun! What holy task is thine!To fold a world in the embrace of God!"
Author: Guy Wetmore Carryl

9. "He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery."
Author: Holly Black

10. "It's always funny watching something so beautiful not know how beautiful it really is. It's sad even."
Author: Holly Hood

11. "I'm always more motivated by the pain of a funny character than by what makes him funny."
Author: Jason Alexander

12. "One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably."
Author: John Hodgman

13. "Thanksgiving is the holiday that encompasses all others. All of them, from Martin Luther King Day to Arbor Day to Christmas to Valentine's Day, are in one way or another about being thankful."
Author: Jonathan Safran Foer

14. "The room was two-tiered,its marble balconies filled with rams and water nymphs in fancydress; a kaleidoscope of colours swayed in time to the beat ofhypnotic music. A concerto of absent musicians, it played only inher mind. The numerous chandeliers with sculptured metal frameshung down from chains, with endless fireflies attached. At the farend stretched a grand staircase, dressed with a plush velvet carpetin deep cerise, and ceiling paintings edged with gold embosseddado rails clung to the walls.Then Eve honed in on herself and saw that she wore a crushedwhite taffeta A-line gown that fit her trim figure like a glove. Herbutterfly mask with floral patterns embroidered in red and goldsilk sat against her pale skin, her reflection like that of a porcelaindoll. A matching shawl rested softly on her shoulders. Everythingwas so beautiful that she almost totally lost herself in the mirror'sreflection."(little snippet from our book)"
Author: L. Wells

15. "Over the years, 'organized' seemed to have become her most defining characteristic. It was like she was a minor celebrity with this one claim to fame. It was funny how once it became a thing that her family and friends commented on and teased her about, it seemed to perpetuate itself, so that her life was now extraordinarily well organized..."
Author: Liane Moriarty

16. "Snarl must love Christmas as much as me, I decided."
Author: Rachel Cohn

17. "The other part of me wanted to get out and stay out, but this was the part I never listened to. Because if I ever had I would have stayed in the town where I was born and worked in the hardware store and married the boss's daughter and had five kids and read them the funny paper on Sunday morning and smacked their heads when they got out of line and squabbled with the wife about how much spending money they were to get and what programs they could have on the radio or TV set. I might even get rich - small-town rich, an eight-room house, two cars in the garage, chicken every Sunday and the Reader's Digest on the living room table, the wife with a cast-iron permanent and me with a brain like a sack of Portland cement. You take it, friend. I'll take the big sordid dirty crooked city."
Author: Raymond Chandler

18. "Jerome sighed and set down his fork. "Are you still doing that, Georgie? Don't I suffer enough without having to endure the humiliation of a succubus who moonlights as a Christmas elf?" "You always said I should quit the bookstore and find something else to do," I reminded him."Yes, but that was because I thought you'd go on to do something respectable. Like become a stripper or the Mayor's mistress."
Author: Richelle Mead

19. "You're hiding things from me, Jillian, and that hurts." His voice dropped and he moved closer to me, his body inches from mine. "Because I want all of you. The sexy part and the funny part and especially the fucked-up part."
Author: Sophia Bleu

20. "This is much easier than when N left. Our son is unable to grasp and simultaneously turn doorknobs yet. If only this trick could be unlearned by men over thirty, many more families would celebrate Christmas together."
Author: Suzanne Finnamore

21. "I love singing Christmas carols. I know every harmony to every music-hall Christmas song."
Author: Zooey Deschanel

Christmas Eve Funny Quotes Pictures