Top Condoms Quotes

Browse top 53 famous quotes and sayings about Condoms by most favorite authors.

Favorite Condoms Quotes

1. "I think we've had rather too much dirt rather than not enough. That's not a prudish English remark, but a statement of saturation. These up-and-coming young men," she splutters. "Penelope Fitzgerald -- they think, 'Ah! Middle-aged lady with frizzy hair and a nice smile; she must be writing tastefully.' I say she's writing against taste, quite savagely. But they don't pick it up because they're brash young men poncing about, waving their blood and thunder and condoms!"
Author: A.S. Byatt
2. "Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there."
Author: Alyxandra Harvey
3. "Faelan stuffed his mouth with the granola bar like a starving toddler and moved down the aisle with the loaded cart. Bree grabbed an empty one and squeaked back. She rounded the corner and stopped. Faelan wasn't chewing. That was a good sign. The package he was reading wasn't. He glanced up, mouth parted, eyes dark, and the hand holding the box of extra large condoms darted behind his back."
Author: Anita Clenney
4. "Use condoms; it's wise not to gamble with your children's future."
Author: Bauvard
5. "...it was too late to buy beer but thank God there's no curfew on condoms."
Author: Beth Myrle Rice
6. "New Rule: Americans have to come up with a better cheese to represent the nation than American cheese. I'm not even sure American cheese is cheese. I think it's aged Jell-O. And it doesn't need to be individually wrapped in plastic, either. You're thinking of condoms."
Author: Bill Maher
7. "So-called real life has only once interfered with me, and it had been a far cry from what the words, lines, books had prepared me for. Fate had to do with blind seers, oracles, choruses announcing death, not with panting next to the refrigerator, fumbling with condoms, waiting in a Honda parked round the corner and surreptitious encounters in a Lisbon hotel. Only the written word exists, everything one must do oneself is without form, subject to contingency without rhyme or reason. It takes too long. And if it ends badly the metre isn't right, and there's no way to cross things out."
Author: Cees Nooteboom
8. "Condoms ribbed for extrasensitivity. The last thing I need is extrasensitivity. Here are condoms lined with a topical anesthetic for prolonged action. What a paradox. You don't feel a thing, but you can fuck for hours. This seems to really miss the point. I want my whole life lined with a topical anesthetic."
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
9. "Here are condoms lined with a topical anesthetic for prolonged action. What a paradox. You don't feel a thing, but you can fuck for hours."
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
10. "And an even bigger army of Catholic missionaries marched in on your heels and told the Africans that if they used the condoms, they'd all go to hell. Africa has a new environmental issue now—landfills overflowing with unused condoms."
Author: Dan Brown
11. "Nah. A date with Peter the prostitute. Sounds like a plan. Be sure to bring flowers.""I was thinking condoms. But your idea sounds more romantic."
Author: Dani Alexander
12. "Could be an amazing product, sell like condoms at a high school prom, donuts at a police convention, sunscreen on a Caribbean crush ship."
Author: Dennis Vickers
13. "A salesman is an it that stinks to please but whether to please itself or someone else makes no more difference than if it sells hate condoms education snakeoil vac uumcleaners terror strawberries democ ra(caveat emptor)cy superfluous hair"
Author: E.E. Cummings
14. "Since i couldn't remember the "real" first time i'd lost my virginity, this would have become my de facto first time. I wanted a better story then: I did it with this boy who i wasn't very into and who had mysterious Gaterade breath; in his room decorated with sports equipment; at least he was nice enough to provide condoms and get his ancient, horny dog to leave us along."
Author: Gabrielle Zevin
15. "You know, we are one nation under a god. Yes, you were right. An angry, crack slinging god who decorates with bullets and spent condoms."
Author: Henry Rollins
16. "Men who refuse to use condoms do not deserve to be fucked by anyone but other men who refuse to use condoms."
Author: Inga Muscio
17. "JANE: What to do when it is that time in your girl child's life:1. Sit down calmly and explain sex to her?2. Buy her a book, video, or CD that gives her the details?3. Buy her condoms and put her on the pill?Or do as many mothers before you did—just stick your head in the sand and hope she joins a convent.Of course these days your child may know more about sex than you did at her age, what with in-school health lessons, and out-of-school R-rated movies easily accessed on the TV, not to mention the Starr Report!In the days of fairy tales, sex was dangerous because so many women died in childbirth. Today sex is again dangerous because of diseases like AIDS. So what do we say?"
Author: Jane Yolen
18. "She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names."
Author: Jarod Kintz
19. "I wore rubber gloves. Why? Because I ran out of condoms."
Author: Jarod Kintz
20. "They should make condoms shaped like socks, so I could wear them with sandals and properly express my love for you."
Author: Jarod Kintz
21. "Jacksonville's unofficial moniker is "The Latex Capital of the Universe." But we don't wear condoms—we wear rubber gloves. We have the safest handshakes in the world."
Author: Jarod Kintz
22. "I live dangerously, but I love safely. I always buy magnum condoms, because they're the only ones that'll fully stretch over my front door's handle."
Author: Jarod Kintz
23. "We need condoms for the heart."
Author: Jen Frederick
24. "What kind of motel sells condoms?" "My favorite kind of motel?"
Author: Jennifer L. Armentrout
25. "Logan, why aren't you wearing protection?"The radio crackled, and then came Logan's voice. "I have 'protection' in my bag," he said. "But as much as I don't want to say this, darlin', now's not the time to be asking if I'm carrying condoms. I have problems.""A life vest, Logan! I'm asking where's your life vest!""Oh," he said. "I knew that."
Author: Jill Shalvis
26. "I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA'. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience."
Author: Joe Dunthorne
27. "Holy shit... but we were using condoms."Pink tinged her cheeks. "Not the weekend at the lodge."He leaned over and lowered his voice. "Yeah, but I pulled out."Emma cocked her brows. "And you're Mr. Super Potent Sperm, remember?"
Author: Katie Ashley
28. "Five trolls in a dra-a-a-a-ag,' the four-inch man sang from my shoulder. 'Four purple condoms, three French ticklers, two horny vamps and a succubus in the snow."
Author: Kim Harrison
29. "I held my bag open and he dropped Jenks inside."Hey!" the pixy protested, and then, "Tink's little pink dildo, Rache? Haven't you gotten rid of those condoms yet? They got a shelf life, you know."
Author: Kim Harrison
30. "Daniel first kisses his brother in a town where no-one knows them, a no-account place that's barely even a town, just some buildings clustered around the highway: a smoky bar, an empty motel, a convenience store that only sells candy and condoms and beer. The nearest gas station is twenty miles away. The nearest bus station is fifty."
Author: Kirsty Logan
31. "I don't want lunch, because I'm not hungry," he said. "And I don't want anger management classes, because right now angry is all I have," he spat. "And I don't want condoms, because it seems that I'm incapable of fucking anyone but you."
Author: Kitty French
32. "I turned to Eddie. "Okay, I've never done this. This is the guy's department. What do I do? We need to get Lee's size and we need industrial strength. Show me which ones to buy."Eddie looked at the display and looked to me. "You're askin' me to help you buy condoms for Lee?"" Industrial strength condoms," I reminded him.Eddie stared at me like he was re-thinking his crush on me."okay," I said, trying to be helpful, "we'll break it down. We'll start with the size."He shook his head. "First, I'm a little worried you're lookin' to me to tell you Lee's size. Lee es mi hermano , but we aren't that close. Second, they don't come in sizes."
Author: Kristen Ashley
33. "We tilt our heads back and open wide. The snow drifts into our zombie mouths crawling with grease and curses and tobacco flakes and cavities and boyfriend/girlfriend juice, the stain of lies. For one moment we are not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays; we are crayons and lunch boxes and swinging so high our sneakers punch holes in the clouds. For one breath everything feels better.Then it melts.The bus drivers rev their engines and the ice cloud shatters. Everyone shuffles forward. They don't know what just happened. They can't remember."
Author: Laurie Halse Anderson
34. "You know what's not sexy?" I pushed his hand away. "Barbies. Barbies are not sexy.""But I bought condoms," he said. "I even practiced putting one on!"The lost-puppy look on his face made me smile. "I'm proud of you, Boner Man, but that's not enough."
Author: Laurie Halse Anderson
35. "For one moment we are not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays; we are crayons and lunch boxes and swinging so high our sneakers punch holes in the clouds."
Author: Laurie Halse Anderson
36. "Then he would get into a plane and leave the field wide open; the field was crammed with paralegals, all of them stoutly armed with condoms."
Author: Lydia Millet
37. "Condoms instantly shot to the number-one position on my mental list of must-find survival supplies, far ahead of food, water, and a way across the Mississippi River."
Author: Mike Mullin
38. "No matter what those sex-ed teachers say about how great condoms are, there's not a condom in the world to protect you from heartbreak."
Author: Natasha Friend
39. "Dean opened the glove compartment and took out a package of condoms."You keep condoms in there?" I asked."It is called the glove compartment," he replied with a wink."
Author: Nina Lane
40. "The worst of all of this is the lie that condoms really protect against AIDS. The condom failure rate can be as high as 20 percent. Would you get on a plane — or put your children on a plane — if one of five passengers would be killed on the flight? Well, the statistic holds for condoms, folks."
Author: Rush Limbaugh
41. "Just when I think you've hit bottom you continue to amaze me," Kyle said. "Or, does this get worse? Nothing would surprise me after this. Are you sleeping with a married man whose wife is dying of cancer?"Elroy didn't think he'd done anything wrong. "I know nothing about his wife, or his husband for that matter. I don't ask and I'm not out to break up his home. Lighten up, man. Everybody does it. It's not like I'm going to freaking marry this dude. I'm only having a little fun with him. You wanna come with me? We'll have a three-way. You should see the way this guy moves. It will blow your mind."With that remark Kyle shoved his hands into his pockets and walked faster. "No, thank you. That's not something I'm interested in doing. Meeting nice, decent people is the only thing that blows my mind. I just hope you're using condoms, you goddman asshole."
Author: Ryan Field
42. "Nowadays, you can do anything that you want—anal, oral, fisting—but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection."
Author: Slavoj Žižek
43. "You think he has some bomb defusing MacGyver contraption cooked up that involves lube, condoms, and a paper clip?"
Author: Stephani Hecht
44. "American grammar doesn't have the sturdiness of British grammar (a British advertising man with a proper education can make magazine copy for ribbed condoms sound like the Magna goddam Carta), but it has its own scruffy charm"
Author: Stephen King
45. "So, we skipped Annabel, and discussed condoms. I said I liked the orange ones, and we ended our talk in laughter."
Author: Steven Herrick
46. "Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me?"
Author: Susan Elizabeth Phillips
47. "He grinned like a proud male and moved closer. "It was good.""Are you asking or telling?""I know it was good."She'd just experienced the longest orgasm in modern history. Who was she to be critical?"It was amazing."He cupped her face and kissed her. "We could do it again.""I don't think that's possible."Instead of answering, he bent down and drew her nipple into his mouth. Then he reachedbetween her legs and lightly touched her.Instantly jolts shot through her. She found herself wanting to pull him close and beg to betaken.He drew back. "What do you think?"She looked into his amused eyes. "That maybe I might have a little more time to make upfor.""I figured.""Did you bring more condoms?""Yes.""Thank God."
Author: Susan Mallery
48. "I struggled not to laugh at the brand-new bottle of lube in his left hand and the unopened box of condoms in his right. He watched me, his expression dark."Just buy those?" I asked lightly.He nodded once."Had it all worked out in your mind, did you?"He nodded again."Have you ever fucked a man, Seven?"He shook his head, his right hand squishing the box of condoms as he tightened his grip."And… this is what you want?" I looked at his face then, watching for any signs of doubt. There were none as he nodded again.I opened my arms. "Come here," I said softly."
Author: T.J. Klune
49. "Olsons P.I. 'Kenny Jones' as he approaches a barman in a notorious Bangkok Gay bar as part of an investigation -'I was tempted to ask him if he had heard the one about the two condoms walking down Soi Rome when they see The Balcony Pub. One condom turns to the other and says ‘Let's go in there and get shit-faced' -"
Author: Warren Olson
50. "Dear Lord," began Randy, who paused for long enough that Tristan sneaked an eye open to look at him. His saw his mother's cheek twitch with what he thought might be apprehension. "We are so grateful to be gathered here today with our family, and the family of our brother's homosexual boyfriend, and our new little goth friend who has a gay dad, whatever the heck that is all about. We'd like to say we're grateful this year for condoms, lube, and Ellen Degeneres, and for those guys on Queer Eye…"Randall Evan Phillips!" his mother shouted."
Author: Z.A. Maxfield

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