Farts Quotes

1. "I will never write anything better than Homestuck. Nigger farts! Jews: Kill them all."
Author: Andrew Hussie

2. "I once lay in awhite hospitalfor the dying and the dyingself, where some god pissed a rain ofreason to make things growonly to die, where on my kneesI prayed for LIGHT,I prayed for l*i*g*h*t,and prayingcrawled like a blind slug into thewebwhere threads of wind stuck against my mindand I died of pityfor Man, for myself,on a cross without nails,watching in fear asthe pig belches in his sty, farts,blinks and eats."
Author: Charles Bukowski

3. "God or somebody keeps creating women and tossing them out on the streets, and this one's ass is too big and that one's tits are too small, and this one is mad and that one is crazy and that one is a religionist and that one reads tea leaves and this one can't control her farts, and that one has this big nose, and that one has boney legs … But now and then, a woman walks up, full blossom, a woman just bursting out of her dress … a sex creature, a curse, the end of it all."
Author: Charles Bukowski

4. "Ridge: I can't hear my own farts, so sometimes I'll forget that other people can hear them."
Author: Colleen Hoover

5. "I want you out in the hallway, against the far wall in single file, ready to move, in fifteen. Drop your fartsack, Ratliff."
Author: Craig DiLouie

6. "It was like finding a long-lost brother who farts in the same key."
Author: Dale McGowan

7. "No matter how politely one says it, we owe our existence to the farts of blue-green algae."
Author: Diane Ackerman

8. "Just let them sit in the goddam sun. But the world won't let them because there's nothing more dangerous than letting old farts sit in the sun. They might be thinking. Same thing with kids. Keep 'em busy or they might start thinking."
Author: Frank McCourt

9. "No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!"
Author: George Lopez

10. "To know that we are only angels weighed down by filth, free of guilt? The bacteria in our bellies are responsible for the farts which shame us, tiny monsters shitting in their billions all over our pure skin create the acid reek of "our" sweat. And Slade: when the "inner voices" tell us we're unworthy or instruct us to "love" and "hate," despite our best instincts... are these incessant distracting thoughts our own? Or do we only hear the voice of the eternal germ screaming in our heads?"
Author: Grant Morrison

11. "Around them small animals scampered along knotted cables and flaking vines, chirruping, squealing, venting yellow farts. Everywhere was animation, purpose, hurry. Momentum."
Author: Gregory Benford

12. "Farts smell like poop in a gas for" Atticus"
Author: Harper Lee

13. "Weightless (in air), alcohol units 8 (but in-flight so canceled out by altitude), cigarettes 0 (desperate: no-smoking seat), calories 1 million (entirely made up of things would never have dreamt of putting in self's mouth were they not on in-flight tray), farts from traveling companion 38 (so far), variations in fart aroma 0."
Author: Helen Fielding

14. "When we were still living at home, all he ever drank was cola, huge amounts of it; he had no problem knocking back an entire king-size bottle at dinnertime. Then he would produce these gigantic belches, for which he was sometimes sent to his room, belches that lasted ten years or longer--like subterranean thunder rolling up and exploding from somewhere deep down in his stomach--and for which he enjoyed a certain schoolyard fame: among the boys, that is, for he knew even then that girls were only repulsed by burps and farts."
Author: Herman Koch

15. "My farts smell like coffee. Drink them up. But slowly, because they're hot."
Author: Jarod Kintz

16. "What can I say about love that's never been said by me or anyone else? Well, sometimes love smells like my farts, after I eat a dozen roses."
Author: Jarod Kintz

17. "Oh God. I'm jealous of farts."
Author: Jennifer Lynn Barnes

18. "Although he, like all people, secretely enjoyed the smell of his own farts, the smell of his shit was somethig else. It was so bad as to seem evil in a moral way."
Author: Jonathan Franzen

19. "If Joanie dies before me, I wonder if I'll ever be with another woman. I can't imagine going through all of the preliminary stuff—the talk, the chatter, the dinners. I'd have to take someone places, explain my history, make jokes, dole out compliments, hold back farts."
Author: Kaui Hart Hemmings

20. "Don't let the elegance act fool you," Varen said, drawing out his notepad. "She farts."
Author: Kelly Creagh

21. "Bug? You sack of sweat stink. I've got farts that smell sweeter than you. Think you're better than me? Poop ice cream cones, do you? Call me a bug! Rachel, let me do him now."
Author: Kim Harrison

22. "Bug?" Jenks shouted, incensed. "You sack of sweat stink. I've got farts that smell sweeter than you. Think you're better than me? Poop ice cream cones, do you?"
Author: Kim Harrison

23. "As for the story itself, it was entitled "The Dancing Fool." Like so many Trout stories, it was about a tragic failure to communicate. Here was the plot: A flying saucer creature named Zog arrived on Earth to explain how wars could be prevented and how cancer could be cured. He brought the information from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farts and tap dancing. Zog landed at night in Connecticut. He had no sooner touched down than he saw a house on fire. He rushed into the house, farting and tap dancing, warning the people about the terrible danger they were in. The head of the house brained Zog with a golfclub."
Author: Kurt Vonnegut

24. "You're not crazy. And yes, cow farts chase the fog away. The only problem is the smell."
Author: L.R.W. Lee

25. "That's what most people don't realize; that's why one out of every two marriages fail. Because people go into them with hearts in their eyes and forever on their lips and no concept whatsoever of what that truly means. Of course it's going to be hard work. Of course you are going to get angry and upset and wonder why, out of everyone in the world entire world, you decided to fall in love with an idiot who farts in his sleep and eats like a pig and can't ever be assed to pick up his own dirty underwear off the fucking floor."
Author: Lielabell

26. "Bel pointed. "Head. Tail. Pets go here." He pointed to the dog's head again. "Farts come out here." He pointed to the dog's back end. "That's all you need to know about Stump."
Author: Lisa Henry

27. "Pliny paid for his "phenomena"!...I've paid a bit, too...everything worthwhile has its cost!...if it's free, you're down with the shithead fraternity! blabbermouths, charlatans, the whole gang!...into the crapper with 'em! every one! right in the shitter!...it's unlistenable!...just a bunch of farts!...I'm telling you!..."
Author: Louis Ferdinand Céline

28. "So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them."
Author: Mark Forsyth

29. "A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death."
Author: Michael Bassey Johnson

30. "The girdle went from just under my breasts to the top of my knees. It cinched me in pretty tight. In fact, it was so tight that when I sat in it and farted, the farts would slide up my back, shoot out the top of the girdle, and make my hair fly off the back of my beck."
Author: Mollie Gross

31. "A man who farts in bed . . . is a man who loves life."
Author: Muriel Barbery

32. "No one ever answered my question," Hayden says. "Looks like no one has the guts" "Which one?" Asks Connor. " You've got questions coming out of you like farts on Thanksgiving."
Author: Neal Shusterman

33. "I fart, you fart, he farts, she farts.Let's not deny it, people. Farting is a regular, healthy, and hilarious part of life. Squeezing out big plumes of noxious gas doesn't always smell good, but it generally feels might fine."
Author: Neil Pasricha

34. "What do you do for fun in this town?Well, you know. Wash dishes. Wipe up baby drool, put a new quart of oil in him once in a while. Watch the Weather Channel to see if any of the neighbors have been blown away by a tornado. Eat too much cheese and get cheese farts. Keeps you busy, huh?"
Author: Nick Wilgus

35. "Farts come from noone and nowhere; they are anonymous emanations that belongto the group as a whole, and even when every person in theroom can point to the culprit, the only sane course of action isdenial."
Author: Paul Auster

36. "Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts. God designed your body's plumbing system. God designed an ostrich. If He didn't do it, He permitted a drunken angel to do it.Empirical facts can add significantly to the meaning of "being godlike"."
Author: Peter Kreeft

37. "If I could make money making armpit farts, I would. But since I can't, I teach. And write."
Author: Richard B. Knight

38. "Purple light passed over the paper, but nothing happened."Next!" Amy said. She was sure the man in black was going to burst in on them any second."Whoa!" Dan said.Amy gripped his arm. "You found it?""No, but look! This whole essay - 'To the Royal Academy.' He wrote a whole essay on farts!" Dan grinned with delight. "He's proposing a scientific study on different fart smells. You're right, Amy. This guy was a genius!"
Author: Rick Riordan

39. "A person who discreetly farts in an elevator is not a divine being, and a man needs to know this."
Author: Robert Bly

40. "You're all mad for words. Words are just farts from a lot of fools who have swallowed too many books. Give me things!"
Author: Robertson Davies

41. "You're funny.' Phoebe passed me the last chocolate cupcake. 'And I always thought your friends were laughing over their own farts.''Ninety percent of Eastwood's male population laughs over their own farts. Present company excluded, naturally."
Author: Robyn Schneider

42. "... learning the knack of disconnecting her sense of smell, until she could switch it off like a radio and in the bland silence of its absence could drown in the sound of Nazarébaddoor's hypnotic voice without having her reverie interrupted by the scent of sheep shit or Nazarébaddoor's own frequent and extraordinary buffalo farts."
Author: Salman Rushdie

43. "She loved dogs, New York, television, children, friendship, sex, laughing, heartbreaking songs, marijuana, farts, and cuddling."
Author: Sarah Silverman

44. "After fifteen years of making my living in stand-up, The Sarah Silverman Program has been a lesson in collaboration. Rob, Dan, and I live by the mantra "Whoever is most passionate." If I was mentoring someone, that's the Shandling-esque advice I would proffer: Find people you really respect and trust, and then at each decision, heed the most passionate voice. I love that because it eliminates nearly all struggle. And when you're doing a show that's mostly about farts, penises, and vaginas, there should be as little struggle as possible."
Author: Sarah Silverman

45. "Behind the cool mask of bravado, past the one-way mirror of his mind, underneath the rock-solid layers of self-control, in the Zen garden that was Master Sewer's soul, a high-pitched anxiety fart rustled through the still leaves. If farts could talk, this one would have said, "Damn coppers!"
Author: Sorin Suciu

46. "There was a rare quality about Nurse Grace's smile. It was the knowledge that sooner or later her smile would inspire some witty observer to say something around the lines of, "Every time you do this, an angel farts"."
Author: Sorin Suciu

47. "I love baseball. I'll probably end up one of those old farts who go to spring training in Florida every year and drive from game to game all day."
Author: Steve Earle

48. "I always assumed I'd spend my life happily performing in artsy-fartsy little theaters."
Author: Teller

49. "Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts."
Author: Tina Fey

50. "There's a Drunk Midget in My HouseAh, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!"
Author: Tina Fey

Farts Quotes Pictures