Funny Add Quotes

1. "At the Theatre: To the Lady Behind MeDear Madam, you have seen this play;I never saw it till today.You know the details of the plot,But, let me tell you, I do not.The author seeks to keep from meThe murderer's identity,And you are not a friend of hisIf you keep shouting who it is.The actors in their funny wayHave several funny things to say,But they do not amuse me moreIf you have said them just before;The merit of the drama lies,I understand, in some surprise;But the surprise must now be smallSince you have just foretold it all.The lady you have brought with youIs, I infer, a half-wit too,But I can understand the pieceWithout assistance from your niece.In short, foul woman, it would suitMe just as well if you were mute;In fact, to make my meaning plain,I trust you will not speak again.And—may I add one human touch?—Don't breathe upon my neck so much."
Author: A.P. Herbert

2. "Ellis: "What's so funny?"Skyla: You're funny," I say. "You look real scary. I bet your mom's proud, though." I don't know why I add that last bit, I just do."
Author: Addison Moore

3. "It was so good to see him in there, yet so funny to find him so much like me, and so tiny. "Nice kingdom you got here," I added, laughing again. "But it didn't feel quite right without you. Or should I say, without me?"This time he laughed too, and though there were no bubbles or sound I could feel his delight rise up through the water: which made me laugh even harder: which made him do the same.--Page 84, "The Brothers K"
Author: David James Duncan

4. "Do you remember Zhitomir, Vasily? Do you remember the Teterev, Vasily, and that evening when the Sabbath, the young Sabbath tripped stealthily along the sunset, her little red heel treading on the stars?THe slender horn of the moon bathed its arrows in the black waters of the Teterev. Funny little Gedali, founder of the Fourth International, was taking us to Rabbi Motele Bratzlavsky's for evening service. Funny little Gedali swayed the cock's feathers on his high hat in the red haze of the evening. The candes in the Rabbi's room blinked their predatory eyes. Bent over prayer books, brawny Jews were moaning in muffled voices, and the old buffoon of the zaddiks of Chernobyl jingled coppers in his torn pocket......Do you remember that night, Vasily? Beyond the windows horses were neighing and Cossacks were shouting. The wilderness of war was yawning beyong the windows, and Robbi Motele Bratzslavsky was praying at the eastern wall, his decayed fingers clinging to his tales. (...)"
Author: Isaac Babel

5. "And she was funny and beautiful and she liked the same books, the same music, and she wanted everything I did, was in the exact same place I was in life, and just like that, add water and mix, instant love."
Author: Jami Attenberg

6. "Does it bother you when you see Daddy kissing Josh?" he asked.Ty shook his head and made a funny face. "No, not really. I guess you really like him a lot.""I do," Rex agreed. "I love Josh.""I love Josh too, and so I don't care if you kiss him. But I thought boys only kissed girls."Rex nodded. "Yeah, well, that's how it is most of the time, but you know some boys kiss other boys and some girls kiss other girls.""Well, I don't wanna kiss no girls!" Ty said emphatically.Rex and Josh both laughed. "Maybe someday you will, though. If you do, that's fine, and if you don't, that's fine too. For right now, you can just kiss Daddy." He leaned in and kissed Ty on the forehead."
Author: Jeff Erno

7. "Tobin," Mom said disapprovingly. She wasn't a particularly funny person. It suited her professionally - I mean, you don't want your cancer surgeon to walk into the examination room and be like, "Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'What'll ya have?' And the guy says, 'Whaddya got?' And the bartender says, 'I don't know what I got, but I know what you got: Stage IV melanoma."
Author: John Green

8. "You have to make a lot of sacrifices, and the main thing you have to sacrifice is your privacy. It's funny because when I was growing up, my daddy was and still is an insurance agent in our home town. He couldn't go anywhere without somebody recognizing him or needing something from him."
Author: Josh Turner

9. "As she watched, he examined the can intently, read the ingredients, then returned it to the shelf and chose another, repeating his thorough study of it.The contrast between his rough, tough-guy appearance and the domestic act he was performing did funny things to her head.She had a sudden, breathtaking vision of a dark-haired little boy sitting in the seat of the cart, laughing up at Cian, grabbing at his swinging braids with chubby little fists, while his daddy inspected the ingredients on a jar of baby food. Her mind's eyepicture of sexy, strong man with beautiful, helpless child made something soft and warm blossom behind her chest."
Author: Karen Marie Moning

10. "As a teenager, I began to question the Great Christian Sorting System. My gay friends in high school were kind and funny and loved me, so I suspected that my church had placed them in the wrong category... Injustices in the world needed to be addressed and not ignored. Christians weren't good; people who fought for peace and justice were good. I had been lied to, and in my anger at being lied to about the containers, I left the church. But it turns out, I hadn't actually escaped the sorting system. I had just changed the labels."
Author: Nadia Bolz Weber

11. "The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes."
Author: Nikolai Gogol

12. "Mystics are all a bit funny in the head anyway," the priest added cynically, "which is why the church locks them all up in mental hospitals and euphemistically calls these institutions monasteries."
Author: Robert Anton Wilson

13. "I told everyone you didn't go poof, but they just looked at me funny," said Maddie. Cedar shook her head. "You said, ‘Tiny crow crowned unconfused with a cloud.'"
Author: Shannon Hale

14. "These golf people seem unnaturally obsessed. They dress kind of funny too, and it's become a running joke for Gretchen and I to e-mail the most ridiculous golfing pictures back and forth to each other. Sometimes she adds hysterical captions. She never puts them on PitchBitch, though. We can't threaten the gravy train."
Author: Shawn Klomparens

15. "I love you Tory. I know I say it a lot, but...""I know baby. I feel the same way about you. Those words never convey what goes through my mind and heart every time I look up and see you sitting in my house. Funny thign is, I always thought my house was full and that there was nothing missing in my life. I had a job I loved. Family who loved me. Good friends to keep me sane. Everything a human could want. And t hen I met an infuriating, impossible man who added the one thing I didn't know wasn't there.""Dirty socks on the floor?"She laughed. "No, the other part of my heart. The last face I see before I go to sleep and the first one I see when I get up. I'm so glad it was you." Those words both thrilled and scared him. Mostly because he knew firsthand that if love went untended it turned into profound hatred. --Tory and Acheron"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

16. "I know, baby. I feel the same way about you. Those words never convey what goes through my mind and heart every time I look up and see you sitting in my house. Funny thing is, I always thought my house was full and that there was nothing missing in my life. I had a job I loved. Family who loved me. Good friends to keep me sane. Everything a human could want. And then I met an infuriating, impossible man who added the one thing I didn't know wasn't there." – Tory"Dirty socks on the floor?" – Acheron"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

17. "Funny how addiction was socially acceptable—even a status symbol—when it made people extroverts rather than introverts"
Author: Stacia Kane

18. "A cemetery?" I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. "At night? With a full moon? Um ... did you see any, uh, zombies, you, while you were there?"Shiko blinks at me a few times. "No"I slump in relief. "Thank God. I mean, I don't want to be the first to die. The funny guy always dies first, for shock value, you know. Rourke would get killed next, because it's be a heroic sacrifice or something." I motion to Shiko. "You'd live, though, unless you had sex."... Shiko has the look of an addled kitten, complete with head tilt. Rourke sighs and leans toward her, embarrassed. 'You'll have to excuse him. According to his mother he has an irrational fear of something called the zombie apocalypse.""It's not irrational!"
Author: Vaughn R. Demont

19. "Perhaps her faults and follies, the unhappiness she had suffered, were not entirely vain if she could follow the path that now she dimly discerned before her, not the path that kind funny old Waddington had spoken of that led nowhither, but the path those dear nuns at the convent followed so humbly, the path that led to peace."
Author: W. Somerset Maugham

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