Funny Comics Quotes

1. "I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People say that young comics shouldn't be trying these things. That's ridiculous. You should try everything and see what sticks."
Author: Anthony Jeselnik

2. "What you need is a chick from Camden,' Van Patten says, after recovering from McDermott's statement.Oh great,' I say. 'Some chick who thinks it's okay to fuck her brother.'Yeah, but they think AIDS is a new band from England,' Price points out.Where's dinner?' Van Patten asks, absently studying the question scrawled on his napkin. 'Where the fuck are we going?'It's really funny that girls think guys are concerned with that, with diseases and stuff,' Van Patten says, shaking his head.I'm not gonna wear a fucking condom,' McDermott announces.I have read this article I've Xeroxed,' Van Patten says, 'and it says our chances of catching that are like zero zero zero zero point half a decimal percentage or something, and this no matter what kind of scumbag, slutbucket, horndog chick we end up boffing.'Guys just cannot get it.'Well, not white guys."
Author: Bret Easton Ellis

3. "There's lots of kinds of chains. You can't see most of them, the one's that bind folks together. But people build them, link by link. Sometimes the links are weak, snap like this one did. That's another funny thing, now that I think of it. Sometimes when you mend a chain, the place where you fix it is strongest of all."
Author: Bruce Coville

4. "I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny."
Author: Chris Messina

5. "I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds."
Author: Christopher Walken

6. "I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose."
Author: David Spade

7. "It is funny how it is almost more painful to fall over and scrape your knee than to be blown up. Your body goes into incredible protection mode."
Author: Giles Duley

8. "Being normal is overrated. Normal gets you what—the dolt husband with the 2.5 kids and the house with the dog? You seriously want that? I mean, one of those kids is going to be really funny looking, by the way, all cut in half like that. Who wants half a kid?"
Author: H.M. Ward

9. "We can't lose you," she said after a few moments of awkward as hell silence. "You have to understand that we aren't doing this because we don't care about Kat. We're doing this because we love you.""But I love her," I said without hesitation.Dee's eyes widened, probably since it was the first time she'd herd me say it out loud, well, about anyone other than my family. I wished I had said it more often, especially to Kat. Funny how that kind of shit always turns out in the end. While you're deep in something, you never say or do what you need to. It's always after the fact, when it's too late that you realize what you've should've said or done/It couldn't be too late. I knew that. The fact that I was still alive was testament to that. Like Dee said, though, there were worse things than death."
Author: Jennifer L. Armentrout

10. "The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own."
Author: Joe Rogan

11. "I love those dark moments in Peanuts. I love that they're in there, that Charles Schulz put the sad lonely bits of himself into the comic. I love the silliness too, the dancing Snoopy strips. The little boy Rerun drawing "basement" comics about Tarzan fighting Daffy Duck in a helicopter. Those are the bits that keep me reading. The funny parts! The fun parts. The silly bits that don't make any sense. And when I get to the sad lonely Peppermint Patty standing in a field wondering why nobody shook hands and said "good game," well, it works because that's not all she was. I try to think that way about everything. That's the kind of person I want to be."
Author: Joey Comeau

12. "Kids cannot follow stories. They don't know what the hell is going on in a cartoon. They like to see funny visual things happening."
Author: John Kricfalusi

13. "No, Roger had not seen the funny side. But there had been a moment when, after looking at his watch, he had thought: I can remember when Christmas morning would start at about half past ten with a glass of Buck's Fizz in bed. Now it begins at half past five, with a test of my fine motor skills and ability to read Korean."
Author: John Lanchester

14. "It's a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible."
Author: Johnny Knoxville

15. "Yes!" it exclaimed, bouncing up and down, its ears flapping like sails. "Yes, you hear me! Razor found you! Found girl and funny dark elf."
Author: Julie Kagawa

16. "My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head."
Author: Karen Duffy

17. "Over the years, 'organized' seemed to have become her most defining characteristic. It was like she was a minor celebrity with this one claim to fame. It was funny how once it became a thing that her family and friends commented on and teased her about, it seemed to perpetuate itself, so that her life was now extraordinarily well organized..."
Author: Liane Moriarty

18. "It only took Alexis a day to read a five-hundred page book. Fiction stories took her to another world where she could lose herself for a while in someone else's life.Its funny how things like loans to pay back, a broken home and family, and a future to worry about meant nothing to characters who only had to worry about things like boys, beaches and fun."
Author: Lindsay Chamberlin

19. "The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it."
Author: Mark Twain

20. "Are they supposed to cry so much and giggle every second when they're not crying? They never quit finding something so funny that I thought it'd break my eardrums a few times."
Author: Mary Connealy

21. "Thing is, I'm a funny actor, but I'm not good at being funny. I'm going to ramble for a second: I'm an actor who can make things funny in the moment, like in stakes or in circumstances or out of character."
Author: Matthew Lillard

22. "My mum taught me always to see the funny side of things."
Author: Michelle Dockery

23. "Sometimes I was so funny I couldn't stand myself."
Author: Moira J. Moore

24. "The simile has to match the tone of its surroundings and has to be like a little joke. Writing a simile that isn't funny on some level is quite hard."
Author: Ned Beauman

25. "A nice, easy place for freedom of speech to be eroded is comics, because comics are a natural target whenever an election comes up."
Author: Neil Gaiman

26. "You know,' Shane said twenty minutes later, 'I'd feel a whole lot better about the two of us if you didn't think i was the go-to guy for breaking and entering.'She felt a flash of guilt about the breaking-and-entering part -but she had called him- just before her heart did a funny little painful flip and she heard him say again in her head THE TWO OF US."
Author: Rachel Caine

27. "In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me."
Author: Rosie Perez

28. "You spend your TIME to make a DIME. You lose your HEALTH to make your WEALTH, but at the end it is FUNNY because you leave back all your MONEY."
Author: Rvm

29. "You know who DOES have a funny bone in her body? Your Mom every night for a dollar!"
Author: Tina Fey

30. "What did you wrap my hand with?" he asked. "My thong." I looked up at him. "You were right ; it's totally uncomfortable. Awesome for first-aid though." The corners of T.J.'s mouth turned up slighty. He looked at me, his brown eyes showing a trance of the spark that had been missing the night before. "It'll make for a funny story someday," I said. "You know what, Anna? It's kinda funny now."
Author: Tracey Garvis Graves

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