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Top Funny Heirs Quotes

Browse top 28 famous quotes and sayings about Funny Heirs by most favorite authors.

Favorite Funny Heirs Quotes

1. "I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that."
Author: Amy Schumer
2. "It's funny how we judge others and don't realize the extent of our disdain until they are no longer there, until they are taken from us. They're taken from us because they've never been ours..."
Author: Carlos Ruiz Zafón
3. "It's really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, 'I usually don't like female comedians, but your material is great!' It makes the job prospect more daunting. Funny is funny, you know?"
Author: Chelsea Peretti
4. "The funny thing was that the sisters were hardly nubile, creamy-skinned Lolitas blushing on the bough. In fact, one of them looked like she'd beaten herself with a tire iron during a smallpox-induced hallucination, and the other looked like a close-up photo of a wolf spider."
Author: Diablo Cody
5. "I don't think just funny is enough on Broadway."
Author: Don Knotts
6. "You already made your point," I say with a mouthful of fruit. "Did I?""Oh, for the love of dick, yes. Now leave me alone." "Never. If you want, I'll fuck you now." The gall. I wouldn't fuck him now if my clit was on fire and needed to be doused with nub-saving cum. I roll my eyes at him. "No thanks, we have a lifetime of fucking ahead of us," I say mockingly. He shrugs and starts to walk away as if it makes no difference to him one way or the other. He's such a jackass sometimes. Before I can stop myself I throw my half-eaten banana at him and it hits him on the back of his neck. He spins around, wipes his neck and looks down at the banana on the floor. "Did you really just fruitally assault me?"He thinks he's so damned funny with his wordplay."
Author: Ella Dominguez
7. "She's as funny as a toothache"
Author: Erma Bombeck
8. "Henry KissingerHow I'm missing yerYou're the Doctor of my dreamsWith your crinkly hair and your glassy stareAnd your Machiavellian schemesI know they say that you are very vainAnd short and fat and pushyBut at least you're not insaneHenry KissingerHow I'm missing yerAnd wishing you were hereHenry KissingerHow I'm missing yerYou're so chubby and so neatWith your funny clothes and your squishy noseYou're like a German parakeetAll right so people say that you don't careBut you've got nicer legs than HitlerAnd bigger tits than CherHenry KissingerHow I'm missing yerAnd wishing you were here"
Author: Graham Chapman
9. "Does it bother you when you see Daddy kissing Josh?" he asked.Ty shook his head and made a funny face. "No, not really. I guess you really like him a lot.""I do," Rex agreed. "I love Josh.""I love Josh too, and so I don't care if you kiss him. But I thought boys only kissed girls."Rex nodded. "Yeah, well, that's how it is most of the time, but you know some boys kiss other boys and some girls kiss other girls.""Well, I don't wanna kiss no girls!" Ty said emphatically.Rex and Josh both laughed. "Maybe someday you will, though. If you do, that's fine, and if you don't, that's fine too. For right now, you can just kiss Daddy." He leaned in and kissed Ty on the forehead."
Author: Jeff Erno
10. "It was funny how none of her classes in library science has prepared her for this sort of thing, dead bodies, staff under suspicion, crazed reporters. Really, they needed to consider expanding the curriculum."
Author: Jenn McKinlay
11. "I flopped on the overstuffed kitchen couch and watched him go. I wondered what would happen to all his films and photographs in the upstairs closet - the documentaries on homelessness and drug addiction, the funny short subjects, the half-finished romantic comedy, the boxes of slice-of-life photographs that spoke volumes about the human condition. I wondered how you stop caring about what you've ached over, sweated over. (Thwonk)"
Author: Joan Bauer
12. "The people from 'The State' are close friends, but also some of the most incredibly funny people I know."
Author: Joe Lo Truglio
13. "I love those dark moments in Peanuts. I love that they're in there, that Charles Schulz put the sad lonely bits of himself into the comic. I love the silliness too, the dancing Snoopy strips. The little boy Rerun drawing "basement" comics about Tarzan fighting Daffy Duck in a helicopter. Those are the bits that keep me reading. The funny parts! The fun parts. The silly bits that don't make any sense. And when I get to the sad lonely Peppermint Patty standing in a field wondering why nobody shook hands and said "good game," well, it works because that's not all she was. I try to think that way about everything. That's the kind of person I want to be."
Author: Joey Comeau
14. "I have kind of a funny relationship with movies. I don't have to see the whole movie to get an impression of it or to let it have an influence on me."
Author: Lana Del Rey
15. "It's funny to be a critic."
Author: Leslie Fiedler
16. "I'm a terrific mimic, and you can feel my funny bone."
Author: Madhur Bhandarkar
17. "Sonya's a real person, like your Mother. Thirty years ago, that was your Mother's biggest flaw in my eyes, and now that's the thing I love most about Sonya. It's funny how things end, isn't it?"
Author: Matthew Norman
18. "Does it have a name? All of these fancy magical weapons usually have names."Bishop glared at her. "Yeah. I like to call it Goldie.""You're funny for an angel.""Not really. I'm just inspired at the moment."
Author: Michelle Rowen
19. "Teachers of subjects that this person wasn't even good at are kissing this person and renouncing the very subjects they taught. Math teachers are saying that math was just a funny way of saying "I love you."
Author: Miranda July
20. "I hate stand-up comics; I think funny is something you are, not something you desperately try to be in front of a roomful of obnoxious people."
Author: Peter Cameron
21. "I find it funny that people now come up to me and say, 'Wow, you are absolutely gorgeous. I'm like, 'I was beautiful before I lost weight. Egotistically speaking, I thought I was amazing.'"
Author: Raven Symone
22. "Very slowly using two fingers, Annabeth drew her dagger. Instead of dropping it, she tossed it as far as she could into the water. Octavian made a squeaking sound. "What was that for? I didn't say toss it! That could've been evidence. Or spoils of war!"Annabeth tried for a dumb-blonde smile, like: Oh, silly me. Nobody who knew her would have been fooled. But Octavian seemed to buy it. He huffed in exasperation. "You other two..." He pointed his blade a Hazel and Piper. "Put your weapons on the dock. No funny bus--"All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth's dagger. "You dropped this," he said, totally poker-faced."
Author: Rick Riordan
23. "I don't like you two going off on you won. Just remember: behave. If I hear about any funny business, I will ground you until the Styx freezes over."
Author: Rick Riordan
24. "But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough."
Author: Sarah Silverman
25. "I just heard a very funny story about somebody who died yesterday, I'm sorry to say so but it was so absurd that you can't help laughing. And the person that was concerned about that story was laughing too."
Author: Sophie Marceau
26. "It's funny how close the past is, sometimes. Sometimes it seems as if you could almost reach out and touch it. Only who really wants to?"
Author: Stephen King
27. "And get some self-esteem. What the fuck is that? It's so annoying to see a pretty girl see herself as not worthy. You know what it makes us guys think you aren't worthy? We see you how you see you. You're pretty and funny and smart. Stop being such a douche-canoe."
Author: Tara Brown
28. "I'm obsessive about the kind of melodrama of getting through the days and trying to make them good and funny and a happy experience. But my feeling towards the fans is that they delivered me from darkness."
Author: Tom Baker

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Today's Quote

Everyone lies to themselves, but many people do it with good intentions. They want to believe what they tell themselves, it is oftentimes the best possible version of reality for them. Although it may not be accurate, it is a mural of their desires, aspirations, optimism and passion. These people usually either need time or a new experience to discover the truth. People who lie to themselves for different reasons are oftentimes trying to avoid something or escape blame for things they have done."
Author: Ashly Lorenzana

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