Grandpa Joad Quotes

1. "When I was cooking I enjoyed a sense of being ‘out' of myself. The action of dicing vegetables and warming oil made my hands tingle and my thoughts switch to a different hemisphere, right brain rather than left, or left rather than right. In my mind there were many rooms and, just as I still got lost in the labyrinth of corridors at college, I often found myself lost, with a sense of déjà vu, in some obscure part of my cerebral cortex, the part of the brain that plays a key role in perceptual awareness, attention and memory. Everything I had lived through or imagined or dreamed appeared to have been backed up on a video clip and then scattered among those alien rooms. I could stumble into any number of scenes, from the horrifically sexual, horror-movie sequences that were crude and painful, to visualizing Grandpa polishing his shoes."
Author: Alice Jamieson

2. "He's supposed to look out for you.""I do!" Kieran sounded offended. "You should be proud of her. Hart requested her presence personally at the Drake coronation."I closed my eyes briefly. We were doomed."You went to a vampire ceremony?" Grandpa asked evenly."He didn't know?" Kieran asked."No, he didn't.""Sorry."Grandpa vibrated with rage. "I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my family!""It's different now," Kieran tried to assuage him. "I'm dating Solange Drake. They're a good family."Grandpa went red, then purple. Kieran took a step back. I whacked Grandpa between the shoulder blades."Grandpa, breathe!"
Author: Alyxandra Harvey

3. "My grandpa had a saying before he died: You can hope in one hand, shit in the other, and see which is filled first."
Author: Chris Colfer

4. "Your Grandpa was a boxer in his youth. Sexiest thing I'd ever seen, let me tell you. He wore these short little shorts, and was always dripping in sweat." There goes my appetite."
Author: Gena Showalter

5. "This meal we just ate?" says Aunt Lydia. "In many countries, this sort of meal would only be eaten by royalty.""There are countries where people could live one year on what we throw out in one week," says Grandpa Kirk."I thought it was they could live one year on what we throw out in one day," says Grandma Sally."I thought it was they could live ten years on what we throw out in one minute," says Uncle Gus."Well anyway," says Doris. "We are very lucky."
Author: George Saunders

6. "A brick could be strapped to the back of a pet gerbil, to teach it how to swim. That's how I learned to swim. Grandpa glued a gerbil to my back, dropped me off in the middle of Lake Erie, and told me he expected both of us back for dinner the following night."
Author: Jarod Kintz

7. "I'm a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That's because Pisces are fish, and it's like my grandpa always used to say, "The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish."
Author: Jarod Kintz

8. "I had to hand it to him, leaving the empty glove lying on the bed was an apt metaphor for love. Two things I can say about my grandpa are that he is wise, and his left hand is probably cold."
Author: Jarod Kintz

9. "My grandpa looks good in booty shorts. It's too damn bad he's dead and can't twerk it for the small crowd that's gathered in the cemetery."
Author: Jarod Kintz

10. "My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join me in the fight against patricide by killing your father's father."
Author: Jarod Kintz

11. "My grandpa passed a few days ago. But I'm not sad. He was only driving 20 miles an hour, so I'm sure I'll catch up to him."
Author: Jarod Kintz

12. "You know Morse Code?" Avian asked as we walked up."My grandpa thought it was a fun game when I was little," West said as he rubbed his eyes again. "That's a scientist's version of fun for you."
Author: Keary Taylor

13. "When Jesus said ast and you'll get it, He meant things of the spirit, not the flesh. Grandpa said Jesus meant us to ast for hope, forgiveness, and all like that. Ast ‘Hep us not be scared, hep us not be greedy, give us courage to try…Ast any such and God will give it to you. But don't ast Him not to let fire burn, or say spare me from death."
Author: Olive Ann Burns

14. "My grandfather ran off the V-2 rocket film a dozen times and then hoped that someday our cities would open up more and let the green and the land and the wilderness in more, to remind people that we're allotted a little space on earth and that we survive in that wilderness that can take back what it has given, as easily as blowing its breath on us or sending the sea to tell us we are not so big. When we forget how close the wilderness is in the night, my grandpa said, someday it will come in and get us for we will have forgotten how terrible and real it can be. You see?"
Author: Ray Bradbury

15. "...We're allotted a little space on earth and that we survive in that wilderness that can take back what it has given, as easily as blowing its breath on us or sending the sea to tell us we are not so big. When we forget how close the wilderness is in the night, my grandpa said, someday it will come in and get us, for we will have forgotten how terrible and real it can be."
Author: Ray Bradbury

16. "What was it Grandpa used to say? ‘You may pawn your soul to the devil, but the good Lord will always bail you out?' (Zeke)"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

17. "I never hurt Grandpa or Sue or Billy. I love humans. And wolf-people like my Jacob."
Author: Stephenie Meyer

18. "He looks again towards the door, expecting Mum to walk in and remind him of something he's forgotten. He smiles awkwardly. 'Is that it, Dad? I've got to go.' 'Your Mum said I should mention ... um ... satisfaction.' 'What!' 'She said young men should know things, should be told things so that the girl won't be ...' his eyes plead for understanding, '... disappointed.'[...] 'No worries, Dad. My biology teacher said I was a natural.' Dad looks confused.'I'm kidding, Dad.' [...] Poor bloke, having to do the dirty work while Mum's off with her gang. 'Dad? What did Grandpa tell you about sex?' 'He said if I got a girl pregnant, he'd kill me."
Author: Steven Herrick

19. "Said, "Well, how did it go?" "It didn't go so good, Grandpa," I said, as I leaned the net up against the store. "Didn't the net work?" Grandpa asked. "Oh, yes, it worked, Grandpa," I said. "It worked just like you said it would. I caught two of the little monkeys, but they got away from me."
Author: Wilson Rawls

Grandpa Joad Quotes Pictures