Jarod Quotes

1. "This book (Jarod Kintz's book) is trash. I mean, I assume it is, because that's where I found it while scrounging for lunch. However, I must admit that I haven't read it. I would have, but I am homeless, mainly due to my illiteracy (though Big Government, Keynesian monetary policy, and my struggle with alcoholism certainly played a large role)."
Author: Dora J. Arod

2. "According to a poll conducted by ilovecatsandjarodkintz.com, Jacksonville's favorite pet is the cat at 100 votes to 0 for dogs, birds, fish, or peeves."
Author: Jarod Kintz

3. "Nine out of ten Jarod Kintzes agree that there is only one Jarod Kintz."
Author: Jarod Kintz

4. "When I sing, it sounds like I'm gargling spaghetti. Is it any wonder that women lust after me and mail me their panties? (Mail to: Jarod Kintz/12358 Fibonacci Way/Jacksonville, Fl 32258)"
Author: Jarod Kintz

5. "Yesterday, at the company party, I made a joke and everyone laughed and said, "Hey, now there's the Jarod Kintz we all know and love." and I smiled, but inside I thought, "Actually, the Jarod Kintz you know and love was my clone, who I had to murder because he kept eating all my leftovers."
Author: Jarod Kintz

6. "On is to no, as Dora J. Arod is to Dora J. Arod. And brick is to blanket, as Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora."
Author: Jarod Kintz

7. "The question is, If I killed your husband, would you seek revenge, or would you send me a Thank You card? I think I know the answer, so here is my address: Jarod Kintz 12321 Karma Circle, Jax, Fl 32223."
Author: Jarod Kintz

8. "Jarod Kintz Day—it's not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that's mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you don't. It'll be a holiday that honors freedom."
Author: Jarod Kintz

9. "Man is somewhere in between God and animal. Jarod is somewhere in between Jar and Jason. (One of which I keep chained up in my freezer)."
Author: Jarod Kintz

10. "Dear Ford,I think my Ford Explorer door is broken. It just won't close. I think this is because I don't have the rest of the Explorer, I only have the door.It's a passenger-side door, and I bought it from a passenger. Also, it doesn't seem to be able to lock. I think the latch isn't catching, or something.I think it's missing some crucial parts, and I'd like to order them from you. I need: one frame, four wheels, a body, another door, an engine, a steering wheel, and some of those air fresheners that you stick in the vents. And I'm feeling frisky with my money, so let me go ahead and order some brakes while I'm at it. You can send the bill to the Pizza Hut on San Jose Boulevard. They'll just deliver it to me, along with the pizza I just ordered.Thank you,Jarod Kintz"
Author: Jarod Kintz

11. "You don't offend me. At least not until I change my name. Once I change it to Asshole, then I might be offended you keep calling me Jarod."
Author: Jarod Kintz

12. "I found the skeleton of a caveman a few years back. Miraculously, it had skin and hair still attached, and amazingly my archaeological discovery actually talked to me saying, "Jarod, when are you going to stop mooching off your mother and me?"
Author: Jarod Kintz

13. "I am Orafoura, but you can call me Jarod Kintz. I'm fairly proud to proclaim that Dora J. Arod has me on her short list of "World's worst writers." The list couldn't get any shorter, because I'm the only name on it. I should tell her to stop calling it a list, and change the title to "World's worst writer." If you're wondering why I rate all my work one star, it's because the rating system doesn't have a zero star option, or better yet, go into negative numbers."
Author: Orafoura

Jarod Quotes Pictures