Raccoon Quotes

1. "No one answers when I knock. But I left a cake and a card on the porch last night, and this morning when I was jogging I noticed that it was gone.""That could mean anything. Maybe raccoons took it," I suggest and then want to do a forehead smack. Discovering vampires has really thrown a wrench in my concept of reality if my first theory is cake-stealing raccoons."
Author: A.M. Robinson

2. "She wore too much eyeliner then, at age thirteen, and now, at eighteen, she wears so much black under her eyes, she looks like a slutty linebacker raccoon."
Author: A.S. King

3. "Cole Archer's Chillout Mix. That's my son's mix. He's ten weeks old, and this is what he listens to: 'Valerie' by Amy Winehouse, 'Everyday People' by Arrested Development, The Beatles' 'Rocky Raccoon,' and Bruce Springsteen's 'Atlantic City.'"
Author: Adam Pally

4. "Logan, don't be an ass.""I have been sleeping in mud. I'm covered in dirt and blood and these were my favorite pants before I landed in raccoon shit."
Author: Alyxandra Harvey

5. "If we can expect another journey tomorrow, we should secure horses," Ferrin went on. "And if the sun will be shining, perhaps a goat for Aram.""Keep it up," Aram dared him through clenched teeth."Is a goat too large and unruly?" Ferrin asked? "Maybe we should saddle a raccoon.""Odd how these taunts tend to fade after sundown," Aram growled, taking a large bite of bread."But a new day always dawns," Ferrin replied. "And we can all use some entertainment."Aram glowered. "Then perhaps tonight I should pull you apart and let the others puzzle you back together.""That's the spirit!" Ferrin applauded. "Taunt back! I get the sense you've seldom had to deal with ridicule."Aram appeared to be resisting a pleased little smile."
Author: Brandon Mull

6. "Magnus? Magnus Bane?""That would be me." The man blocking the doorway was as tall and thin as a rail, his hair a crown of dense back spikes. Clary guessed from the curse of his sleepy eyes and the gold tone of his evenly tanned skin that he was part Asian. He wore jeans and a black shirt covered with dozens of metal buckles. His eyes were crusted with a raccoon mask of charcoal glitter, his lips painted a dark shade of blue. He raked a ring-laden hand through his spiked hair and regarded them thoughtfully. "Children of the Nephilim," he said. "Well, well. I don't recall inviting you. I must have been drunk."
Author: Cassandra Clare

7. "Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons."
Author: Darynda Jones

8. "Jason had joked that dust bunnies under the bed were pets he didn't mind keeping: they never whined for food and didn't require a litter box. They also didn't wake you up at night by barking at passing raccoons."
Author: Erik Bundy

9. "They were both going to the big country where there were more psychiatrists than anywhere else in the world. We could just as well say more swimming pools, more Nobel prizewinners, more strategic bombers, more apple pies, more computers, more natural parks, more libraries, more cheerleaders, more serial killers, more newspapers, more raccoons, many of many more things, because it was the country of More. No doubt because the people who lived there had left their own countries precisely because they wanted more, especially more freedom." (Hector and the Search for Happiness) *"
Author: François Lelord

10. "You are a major dimwit. Is your brain made out of jello, you spineless twit? A leaf? What do you think I am, one of those magical raccoons? I'm a concept, get it? Con-cept! Concepts and raccoons aren't exactly the same, now are they? What a dumb thing to say..."
Author: Haruki Murakami

11. "An evil spark flared in his eyes. "Trade: raccoon for some answers."
Author: Ilona Andrews

12. "He sidestepped down the alley and into another one connected to a small garage, where a raccoon with matching black eyes just like his own halted in mid-step next to a trash can.They stared at each other, not moving or making a sound.'There there, friend. I am not here to interrupt your nightly activity just as you are not here to interrupt mine.'They continued their separate ways, who would be caught and who would not remained a mystery."
Author: Jackie Sonnenberg

13. "I'm so hungry, comrade! It has been days since we ate those two raccoons!''I know comrade. I'm even beginning to wish we had some of your homemade quiche!''Oh comrade! Do you mean it?''Hey--Hey! None of that! If you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it!"
Author: Jeff Smith

14. "As in 'The Three Billy Goats Gruff'?" The skull howled with laughter. "You just got your ass handed to you by a nursery tale?""I wouldn't say they handed me my ass," I said.Bob was nearly strangling on his laughter, and given that he had no lungs it seemed gratuitous somehow. "That's because you can't see yourself," he choked out. "Your nose is all swollen up and you've got two black eyes. You look like a raccoon. Holding a dislocated ass."
Author: Jim Butcher

15. "Steven, I look like a raccoon.You do NOT look like a raccoon.Actually, he looked like some deranged anteater, but I didn't figure that would be the thing to tell him.Yes, I do. Oh, no. What if I stay this way forever?You're not going to stay that way forever, Jeffy. People get black eyes all the time. If they never got better, the streets would be crowded with raccoon people. Soon the raccoon people would find each other and breed.I was on a roll here.The preschools would fill up with strange ring-eyed children. Soon the raccoons would be taking over our streets, stealing from our garbage cans, leaving eerie tails of Dinty Moore beef stew cams in their wakes. Gangs of them would haunt the malls, buying up all the black-and-gray-striped sportswear. THE RIVERS WOULD RISE! THE VALLEYS WOULD RUN WITH…Steven you're joking, right?"
Author: Jordan Sonnenblick

16. "Blah!' Oglivy yells, pushing Emma and me into a pile of wet leaves. We roll around, a red flail of limbs and hysterical laughter. We are all raccoon-drunk on moonlight and bloodshed and the heady, under blossom smell of the forest. I breathe in the sharp odor of cold stars and skunk, thinking, 'This is the happiest I have ever been'. I wish somebody would murder a sheep every night of my life. It feels like we are all embarking on a nightmare together. 'And will stop it in progress!' I think, yanking Emma and Ogli to their feet and hurting towards the lake. We will make sure that the rest of the herd escapes Heimdall's fate, we will...."
Author: Karen Russell

17. "I reluctantly soldiered on to the raccoon. It actually would have tasted quite good had I not had the image of a raccoon rummaging through the garbage stuck in my head."
Author: Lester Holt

18. "Someone's coming," Sicarius said. "They heard we have raccoon vomit for breakfast," Akstyr muttered."
Author: Lindsay Buroker

19. "Great. I'm with the hottest man I've ever known and raccoons have crawled through my hair and settled under my eyes."
Author: Lisa Renee Jones

20. "Wait a second, Carlie. You're not telling me you're letting Aunt Charlotte help you find a man for Clara? Are you serious? You think My Aunt Charlotte, who has a raccoon in the house and washes out Dixie bathroom cups, knows where the right guy is for Clara Johnson?"
Author: Lisa Smartt

21. "I constantly watch 'The Simpsons' and an English cartoon called 'The Raccoons' and 'Gummi Bears.' I was obsessed with ninja films, and the 'Teenage Mutant Nina Turtles,' I used to love that as well."
Author: Matt Smith

22. "Shane padded back to the couch and flopped, sucking on his own can of soda. Eve shot him an exasperated look. "Yeah, man, thanks for bringing me one, too." The raccoon eye make-up exaggerated her eye roll. "Dork.""Didn't know if you wanted zombie dirt sprinkled on it or anything. If you're eating this week."
Author: Rachel Caine

23. "I bet she woke up with her hair looking like something out of a Pantene commercial while little bluebirds circled around her head, and raccoons brought her breakfast or something."
Author: Rachel Hawkins

24. "Until you have experienced raccoons mating underneath your bedroom at three in the morning, you have missed one of life's sensational moments."
Author: Robert Fulghum

25. "I had a pet raccoon that took my tooth brush once,But only to another room."
Author: Rod McKuen

26. "That was like watching my dad French-kiss a raccoon-I feel violated on so many levels."
Author: Sarah Cross

27. "I grew up in New Hampshire. My closest neighbor was a mile away. The deer and the raccoons were my friends. So I would spend time walking through the woods, looking for the most beautiful tropical thing that can survive the winter in the woods in New Hampshire."
Author: Steven Tyler

28. "Oh, for fuck's sake; sometimes a raccoon is just a raccoon!"
Author: Tanya Huff

29. "It's not strange seeing her now, even knowing the things I know. I thought maybe it would be, but it's not. To me, she's still just Charlie—lover of Skittles and bed bouncing and scandalous raccoons."
Author: Victoria Scott

Raccoon Quotes Pictures