Sarcasm Quotes

1. "I heard that Mayor Rivers' speeches are absolutely riveting," Ethan joked, winking. "Oh, definitely." My words were drenched in sarcasm. "I believe he called us strong, clever, and capable. There may even have been some irreplaceable, brilliant, and extraordinary thrown in there as well. Most of the speech was one big, fake thesaurus recitation."
Author: Ada Adams

2. "I believe instinct took over because the shotgun fired in the opposite direction, and he disappeared.Good effort."I don't think sarcasm is helping your situation right now!" I called out at no one as I racked my second round. The sound was comforting.He reappeared maybe ten feet away in front of me. I heard laughing in my head.You're strange.That's the last straw, buddy."Yeah, well, you're dead."And I shot that angel right in the face."
Author: Adrienne Kress

3. "Bryn," he said. "Do you know how much I love you?"I smiled and answered with a hint of sarcasm in my tone, "Well, I'm not quite sure.""No, I'm serious," Tyler said, turning over onto his side so that he was facing me. His eyes were serious, something that I only saw when he really had something to say."Yeah, I do. It's the kind that hurts so good, right? Almost like you can't breathe without the other person and the only thing that keeps you sane throughout the day is knowing that you'll see that person soon enough. Nothing can come between you and that person. You would do anything for them. Be anyone they need you to be. Without thinking twice, you know you will be there, no matter what. That's what loving you is to me."
Author: Alexandria Rhodes

4. "Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh."
Author: Aniruddha Sastikar

5. "Your sarcasm is unwelcome here, Horseman," the Crowfather rasped at him. "Pity. It seems determined to follow me everywhere."
Author: Ari Marmell

6. "Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt."
Author: Cassandra Clare

7. "If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know," Simon was getting fed up. "Look, did you actually ask me to come all the way uptown just so you could stare at me like I'm something in a petrie dish? Next time I'll send you a photo.""And I'll frame it and put it on my nightstand," Jace said, but he didn't sound as if his heart was in the sarcasm. "Look, I asked you here for a reason, not to stare at you. Much as I hate to admit it, vampire, we have something in common.""Totally awesome hair?" Simon suggested"
Author: Cassandra Clare

8. "Oh, my! I'm so sorry, my lord!" I apologised, my voice coated with sarcasm. "As hardy as I am, it's just impossible to catch myself when I trip."
Author: Cayla Kluver

9. "It had formerly been my endeavor to study all sides of his character: to take the bad with the good; and from the just weighing of both, to form an equitable judgment. Now I saw no bad. The sarcasm that had repelled, the harshness that had startled me once, were only like keen condiments in a choice dish: their presence was pungent, but their absence would be felt as comparatively insipid."
Author: Charlotte Brontë

10. "Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Melissa,' Graham growled. 'Really? I've always thought it brings out my eyes."
Author: Christine Warren

11. "It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs."
Author: Christopher Moore

12. "It's sarcasm, Josh.""Sarcasm?""It's from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren't really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.""Well, if the village idiot named it, I'm sure it's a good thing.""There you go, you got it.""Got what?""Sarcasm.""No, I meant it.""Sure you did.""Is that sarcasm?""Irony, I think.""What's the difference?""I haven't the slightest idea.""So you're being ironic now, right?""No, I really don't know.""Maybe you should ask the idiot.""Now you've got it.""What?""Sarcasm."
Author: Christopher Moore

13. "LEO: We're the last to leave.BARKEEP: Ahuhrumhuh...koff, koff, humn...LEO: Do you think he wants us to leave?KAREN: No, no, probably just a bit of sarcasm gone down the wrong way."
Author: Dave McKean

14. "In my mind, she was Lebkuchen Spice—ironic, Germanic, sexy, and off beat. And, mein Gott, the girl could bake a damn fine cookie … to the point that I wanted to answer her What do you want for Christmas? with a simple More cookies, please!But no. She warned me not to be a smart-ass, and while that answer was totally sincere, I was afraid she would think I was joking or,worse, kissing up.It was a hard question, especially if I had to batten down the sarcasm. I mean, there was the beauty pageant answer of world peace, although I'd probably have to render it in the beauty pageant spelling of world peas. I could play the boo-hoo orphan card and wish for my whole family to be together, but that was the last thing I wanted, especially at this late date."
Author: David Levithan

15. "The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head."
Author: Eoin Colfer

16. "Aphorisms should be peaks – and those who are addressed, tall and lofty. The air thin and pure, danger near, and the spirit full of gay sarcasm: these go well together."
Author: Friedrich Nietzsche

17. "Yet, I didn't understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you."
Author: Fyodor Dostoyevsky

18. "The Squire's life was quite as idle as his sons', but it was a fiction kept up by himself and his contemporaries in Raveloe that youth was exclusively the period of folly, and that their aged wisdom was constantly in a state of endurance mitigated by sarcasm."
Author: George Eliot

19. "I'm just allergic to cheating trollops – it makes me break out in sarcasm."
Author: Jane Harvey Berrick

20. "I avoided one-on-one situations, eye contact, and healthy relationships. Instead I took refuge in drinking too much, cheap sex, and sarcasm."
Author: Jason Najum

21. "Did you think he was just some lazy pure-blood who needed protection?" His voice dripped sarcasm."Well he looks like one! How was I supposed to know he was secretly Rambo in Dockers?"
Author: Jennifer L. Armentrout

22. "You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all." -Halt"
Author: John Flanagan

23. "Follow me. Yves held out a hand, expecting me to take it.I had had enough of being pushed about, towed here,shoved there. Lead the way, O master.He raised an eyebrow at my sarcasm. Glad to see youhave seen the light. I only want what's best for you.Mr Arrogant or what?I don't mean it like that. He shook his head, tellinghimself off. I just want to make this right but I seem to bedoing it all wrong.Then let me go.That would be a tragedy. Give me a chance here.Please."
Author: Joss Stirling

24. "Stop it, Barry," Joanie said. "Get ahold of yourself. This is just how we work."I agreed. When she told Shelley I was useless, I heard the smile in her voice and knew she was pretending to be irritated. Really, she wouldn't know what to do without my uselessness, just as I wouldn't know what to do without her complaints. I take it back. It's not that we don't treat each other well; it's just that we're comfortable enough to know that sarcasm and aloofness keep us afloat, and we never have to watch where we step."You are both so cold," Barry said that night."
Author: Kaui Hart Hemmings

25. "You've come to your senses, that's what. Although stubbornness may be a quality some admire, I find your overabundance of it quite distasteful. You take an enormous amount of leading to reach the correct conclusions.""You know what I love? I love being manipulated! It makes me so happy and so willing to do whatever I'm being manipulated into!"His mouth curved into a puzzled frown."It's called sarcasm, you stupid faerie nitwit." I picked up the nearest object, a froofy pillow with gold thread in intricate swirling patterns, and chucked it at his head. He stared at me, aghast, and I was pleased to see I'd managed to muss his perfect golden hair."
Author: Kiersten White

26. "I'm not your boyfriend!" I snapped, trying to gently move her hands away from my body."How can you say that?" Sara asked in horror."It's shockingly effortless," I replied. "My vocal chords vibrate, and my mouth and tongue articulate. I can even do it without thinking." I had to remind myself to stay calm, and sarcasm was the best way to do that."When are you going to give me a key to your house so I don't have to knock like some guest?" Sara asked, coming at me again.I backed away. "How about never? Is never good for you?"Sara, undeterred, said, "You're the reason I go to therapy on Fridays.""The plot thickens!" Gabby exclaimed for comedic relief."
Author: Laura Kreitzer

27. "Intellectual 'work' is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward. The poorest paid architect, engineer, general, author, sculptor, painter, lecturer, advocate, legislator, actor, preacher, singer, is constructively in heaven when he is at work; and as for the magician with the fiddle-bow in his hand, who sits in the midst of a great orchestra with the ebbing and flowing tides of divine sound washing over him - why, certainly he is at work, if you wish to call it that, but lord, it's a sarcasm just the same. The law of work does seem utterly unfair - but there it is, and nothing can change it: the higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash also."
Author: Mark Twain

28. "I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!"
Author: MaryJanice Davidson

29. "Or maybe, just maybe, he'd got close enough to sense the melancholy that sits at the core of her, usually hidden deep behind a superficial mask of cheerful sarcasm."
Author: Matt Haig

30. "Never use sarcasm in an email"
Author: Matthew Lasar

31. "1. Do what you say you're gonna do 2. Show up! 3. Give genuine praise whenever you can 4. Never say sorry when you don't mean it 5. Never use sarcasm in email (and use the corny ass emoticons)"
Author: Matthew Lasar

32. "My son Cooper has just turned ten and the sarcasm fairy has already started to take up residence inside his body. Not only am I living with my mother - again! - but I've also got her mini-me to contend with."
Author: Melissa Rivers

33. "You are too kind." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. "But what has marriage to offer me that I don't already have?"There were many ways to answer that question, but having care for her innocence, Lachlan refrained from the blunt one. One glance at that beautiful face and lush body, and he need look no further for a reason why the lass should be wed: swiving. And lots of it."
Author: Monica McCarty

34. "-Puede que haya un modo de que escapemos de este lugar -dijo Lúmino al día siguiente.(...)-¿Cómo? -pregunté, pero entonces se me ocurrió una idea-. Tu magia. la recuperas cuando me proteges.-Sí.(...)-Pero ahora estoy en peligro... Lo estoy desde que me secuestraron los Luces. -Y no había ni el menor destello de magia en él.-Puede que sea una cuestión de medida. O puede que haga falta una amenaza física.Suspiré. Estaba deseando tener esperanzas.-Muchos "puede" son ésos. Supongo que nadie tuvo la delicadeza de darte unas instrucciones sobre cómo... funcionas ahora, ¿verdad?-No.-¿Pues qué propones, entonces? ¿Ataco a Serymn, y cuando me responda, vuelas la casa por los aires y nos matas a todos?Hubo un momento de pausa. Creo que mi sarcasmo lo molestaba.-En esencia, sí. Pero no sería muy lógico que te matara a ti, así que limitaré la cantidad de fuerza que utilice.-Agradezco tu consideración, Lúmino, en serio."
Author: N.K. Jemisin

35. "Sascha nodded. "Want me to wait?""Do I want my mate to wait in a deserted forest while a dangerous Psy fugitive remains on the loose? Wait, let me think.""Sarcasm does not suit you." She kissed him again, laughter in her eyes."
Author: Nalini Singh

36. "The best way to measure the loss of intellectual sophistication - this "nerdification," to put it bluntly - is in the growing disappearance of sarcasm, as mechanic minds take insults a bit too literally."
Author: Nassim Nicholas Taleb

37. "Without a word, Xander downed what was left of his drink and then placed the empty glass on the bar before turning to face her fully. Damn. Damn. Damn. She'd well and truly fucked up that time. She knew earlier that she'd pushed her boundaries with her sarcasm, but now she could see the retaliation in Xander's glimmering gaze. And the chill that raced down her spine didn't have anything to do with the temperature in the room."
Author: Nicole Edwards

38. "Hey,you might be able to take away my magical powers, but the power of sarcasm was still at my disposal."
Author: Rachel Hawkins

39. "About time," Christian said. "Lissa and Adrian get the market share on worrying about you, but they're not the only ones. And someone needs to put Adrian in his place, you know. I can't do it all the time." "Thanks. It kills me to say this, but I missed you too. No one's sarcasm compares to yours in Russia."
Author: Richelle Mead

40. "And sometimes, if I was really, really lucky, he'd smile at me. A real smile, too—not the dry one that accompanied the sarcasm we tossed around so often. I didn't want to admit it to anyone—not to Lissa, not even to myself—but some days, I lived for those smiles."
Author: Richelle Mead

41. "Innocent?" He was incensed at her suggestion he was somehow responsible for this mess. "I've done nothing wrong, I intend nothing wrong. I am innocent!""Half the evil in this world occurs while decent people stand by and do nothing wrong. It's not enough to refrain from evil, Trell. People have to attempt to do right, even if they believe they cannot succeed.""Even when it's stupid to try?" he asked with savage sarcasm."Especially then," she replied sweetly. "That's how it's done, Trell. You break your heart against this stony world. You fling yourself at it, on the side of good, and you do not ask the cost. That's how you do it."
Author: Robin Hobb

42. "Like what you see?" Prophet asked, his voice a quiet yet dangerous rumble, heavily laced with sarcasm.Even so, Tom answered him seriously. "Yes.""That's because you're seeing two of me."
Author: S.E. Jakes

43. "How do we exorcise one of the Jinn?" He shrugged. "You got Yellow Pages?""Seriously?"Jai snorted. "Yes, Ari. There are Aissawa Exorcists in the Yellow Pages."Huffing, Ari walked away from him. "You really need to work on intonation when you use sarcasm. That way people will know when you're being an asshole.""And you need to work on your gullibility.""Well, I was under the impression you have no sense of humour so forgive me for believing everything you say.""Well that should be fun.""See!" she threw over her shoulder. "No intonation."
Author: Samantha Young

44. "What are we doing tonight, Spock?' Luca grinned at Jacob.'Apparently, he's going to New Zealand,' Ellen replied with heavy sarcasm.'New Zealand?' 'It's code for Outer Space."
Author: Sharon Sant

45. "Alright, you'll get your bonus, buy play nice with her. Keep your sarcasm to a minimum. (Kyrian)Yes, O Great Lord and Master. Be nice to woman, keep mouth shut. (Nick)"
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

46. "Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin.Don't die.I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me.Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead.He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me."
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

47. "Lucille certainly picked a fine time to leave us, didn't he? I just wish our only problem was four hungry children and a crop in the field. (Danger)You know, your sarcasm isn't helping anymore than your bizarre and scattered references to literature and bad country songs. (Alexion)Not true, it's helping me maintain a calm facade that I most definitely do not feel. (Danger)Well, it's starting to piss me off. (Alexion)Ooo, you almost scare me when you say that."
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

48. "This was why I was here. This was why I would take whatever reception waited for me when I got back. Because, underneath all the anger and the sarcasm, Jacob was in pain. Right now, it was very clear in his eyes. I didn't know how to help him, but I knew I had to try. It was more than that I owed him. It was because his pain hurt me, too. Jacob had become a part of me, and there was no changing that now."
Author: Stephenie Meyer

49. "Honestly, Edward." I felt a thrill go through me as I said his name, and I hated it. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend.""I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be.""Oh, thanks, now that's all cleared up." Heavy sarcasm. I realized I had stopped walking again. We were under the shelter of the cafeteria roof now, so I could more easily look at his face. Which certainly didn't help my clarity of thought."It would be more . . . prudent for you not to be my friend," he explained. "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."His eyes were gloriously intense as he uttered that last sentence, his voice smoldering. I couldn't remember how to breathe."
Author: Stephenie Meyer

50. "Somebody says, 'Do a Tom Bodett, a folksy kind of thing,' and it sounds like something out of 'Hee Haw,' very insulting. They turn wry humor into disparaging sarcasm, and you get what amounts to insulting advertising."
Author: Tom Bodett

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