Schmuck Quotes

1. "Yes, of course I want to get married, but does that mean I'm not allowed to go out and have a good time? Am I supposed to just marry any schmuck that comes along? And by the way, here's a newsflash, Hammertoes. Nobody wants to marry me, anyway."
Author: Chelsea Handler

2. "And I'm left with this girl, this Siren of Mixed Signals, this Norah. She's a fuck-good kisser, but clearly has some massive consistency issues. I ask her how the fuck she knows Tris, because that is leaving me completely confused, and at first she's looking at me like I'm this guy she didn't just start kissing out of nowhere, but then she's got her hand on my arm in a way that makes me really notice I have an arm, and then she's making to run away, and at the same time looking at me like I'm some cancer child. Then I take hold of her arm and she resists without really resisting. Finally she pulls away, only to touch my face in this way that reminds me exactly of her kiss.Then she calls me "you poor schmuck."
Author: David Levithan

3. "Writers don't make any money at all. We make about a dollar. It is terrible. But then again we don't work either. We sit around in our underwear until noon then go downstairs and make coffee, fry some eggs, read the paper, read part of a book, smell the book, wonder if perhaps we ourselves should work on our book, smell the book again, throw the book across the room because we are quite jealous that any other person wrote a book, feel terribly guilty about throwing the schmuck's book across the room because we secretly wonder if God in heaven noticed our evil jealousy, or worse, our laziness. We then lie across the couch facedown and mumble to God to forgive us because we are secretly afraid He is going to dry up all our words because we envied another man's stupid words. And for this, as I said, we are paid a dollar. We are worth so much more."
Author: Donald Miller

4. "A guy can't be friends with a woman he's actively attracted to. Not really. Because at some point his dick will take over. It'll walk like him and talk like him, but—like one of the poor schmucks infected by those freaky face-sucking things in Alien—it won't be him. And from that point on, every move, every gesture will be geared toward accomplishing the dick's goal. Which sure as shit won't have anything to do with friendship."
Author: Emma Chase

5. "A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid."
Author: Jack Benny

6. "Know your load. That's rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me one at a time. I'm not going to be the schmuck who shows up in Orlando twobirds short of a dinner party....I know I'm pulling out of Houston with exactly forty-two Gentoo penguins, seventeen Jamaican land iguanas, four tuataras from New Zealand, and a pair of rare, civet-like mammals called linsangs. No more, no less."
Author: Jacob M. Appel

7. "Wide reading is important. You don't have to like it, but it's important to grapple with things you don't understand. I've been spending the last six months getting up an hour early to try to understand economics because I need to. I don't want to be one of these bewildered schmucks. The things that you understand will inform your writing. The bigger your mind, the better your work is going to be. You're not born with a big mind; you have to build it. If I don't read for an hour a day, I get ill."
Author: Jeanette Winterson

8. "My father gave my stature tall,And rule of life decorous;My mother my nature genialAnd joy in making stories;Full well my grandsire loved the fair,A tendency that lingers;My grandam gold and gems so rare,An itch still in the fingers.If no part from this complex allCan now be separated,What can you name originalThat is in me created? - - -GER:Vom Vater hab ich die Statur,Des Lebens ernstes Führen,Von Mütterchen die FrohnaturUnd Lust zu fabulieren.Urahnherr war der Schönsten hold,Das spukt so hin und wieder,Urahnfrau liebte Schmuck und Gold,Das zuckt wohl durch die Glieder.Sind nun die Elemente nichtAus dem Komplex zu trennen,Was ist denn an dem ganzen WichtOriginal zu nennen?Zahme Xenien VI."
Author: Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

9. "Basically, if you're not a utopianist, you're a schmuck."
Author: Jonathan Feldman

10. "The Eskimos have four hundred words for snow, and the Jewshave four hundred for schmuck."
Author: Jonathan Safran Foer

11. "What a schmuck!"
Author: Lemony Snicket

12. "I'm not expecting the American literary community to welcome me with open arms. To them I'm just some schmuck kid who wrote some book."
Author: Macaulay Culkin

13. "[Über das Paradies:] Die fünf Bücher Mose, die Genesis und der Koran beschäftigen sich eingehend mit dieser hysterischen Geographie. Die muslimische Variante ist jedoch am gelungensten und lohnt wirklich die Lektüre: Bäche, Gärten, Flüsse, Quellen, Blumenbeete, jede Menge Früchte und wunderbare Getränke, großäugige Houris, allzeit jungfräulich, liebenswürdige junge Menschen, Betten im Überfluß, prächtige Kleider, wunderbare Stoffe, außergewöhnlicher Schmuck, Gold, Perlen, Parfums, kostbares Geschirr ... es fehlt nichts in diesem Werbeprospekt des ontologischen Fremdenverkehrsamtes."
Author: Michel Onfray

14. "Seele im RaumHier bin ich, hier bin ich, Entrungene,taumelnd.Wag ichs denn? Werf ich mich?Fähige waren schon vieldort, wo ich drängte. Nun woauch noch die Mindesten restlos Macht vollziehn,schweigend vor Meisterschaft —:Wag ichs denn ? Werf ich mich?Zwar ich ertrug, vom befangenen Körper aus,Nächte; ja, ich befreundeteihn, den irdenen, mit der Unendlichkeit;schluchzendüberfloß, das ich hob,sein schmuckloses Herz.Aber nun, wem zeig ichs,daß ich die Seele bin? Wenwunderts?Plötzlich soll ich die Ewige sein,nicht mehr am Gegensatz haftend, nicht mehrTrösterin; fühlend mit nichts alsHimmeln.Kaum noch geheim;denn unter den offenenallen Geheimnissen eines,ein ängstliches.O wie durchgehn sich die großen Umarmungen. Welchewird mich umfangen, welche mich weitergeben, mich, linkischUmarmende?Oder vergaß ich und kanns?Vergaß den erschöpflichen Aufruhrjener Schwerliebenden? Staun',stürze aufwärts und kanns?"
Author: Rainer Maria Rilke

15. "Yeah, I made it. It sneaks up on you. You're some schmuck and you wake up one day and you go, Good God, I'm the cheese."
Author: William H. Macy

Schmuck Quotes Pictures