Skulduggery Quotes

1. "What is it?' Stephanie whispered.'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.'She looked at Skulduggery. 'You don't know what it is, do you?''I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us."
Author: Derek Landy

2. "Vengeous scowled. 'As you can see,' he said, 'you are vastly outnumbered.'I usually am.'Your situation has become quite untenable.'It usually does.'You are within moments of being swarmed by these filthy creatures of undeath and torn apart in a maelstrom of pain and fury.'Skulduggery paused. 'Okay, that's a new one on me."
Author: Derek Landy

3. "So that plan worked out well.'Skulduggery, your entire plan consisted of, and I quote, "Let's get up close and then see what happens."'All the same,' he said, 'I think the whole thing worked out rather beautifully."
Author: Derek Landy

4. "So what does that actually mean?''To be honest, Ghastly, I haven't a bull's notion.''Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,' Tipstaff said.'Of course,' Skulduggery said. 'To be honest, Your Highness, I haven't a bull's notion."
Author: Derek Landy

5. "It would be fun," Skulduggery nodded. "I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven't had a chance to do it nearly as much as I'd like."
Author: Derek Landy

6. "I need a weapon," Valkyrie muttered."You're an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained ina variety of martial arts by some of the best ?ghters in the world," Skulduggery pointed out. "I'm fairly certain that makes you a weapon.""I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword... I want a stick.""I'll buy you a stick for Christmas."
Author: Derek Landy

7. "We live in a time of fear," Skulduggery said, "where we're too scared of upsetting the status quo to ask the questions we need to be asking."
Author: Derek Landy

8. "Valkyrie Cain got out of the passenger side. She zipped upher black jacket against the cold, and joined Skulduggery as hewalked up to the front door. She glanced at him, and saw that he was smiling."Stop doing that," she sighed."Stop doing what?" Skulduggery responded in that gloriously velvet voice of his."Stop smiling. The person we want to talk to lives in the only dark house on a bright street. That's not a good sign.""I didn't realise I was smiling," he said. They stopped at the door, and Skulduggery made a concerted effort to shift his features. His mouth twitcheddownwards. "Am I smiling now?""No.""Excellent," he said, and the smile immediately sprang back up."
Author: Derek Landy

9. "I wouldn't mind a sister either.""Any chance of that happening?""I can't see what would be in it for my parents. I mean, they have the perfect daughter already - what more could they want?"Tanith laughed, then tried to cover it up with a cough."Found something?" Skulduggery asked from behind them.Tanith turned, looking serious. "No, sorry. I thought I had, but, no, it turned out to be, uh... more floor."Stephanie hugged herself, trying to stop her shoulders shaking from laughter."
Author: Derek Landy

10. "That was a good day for me," Skulduggery said. "I didn't have to hit anyone. I didn't have to shoot anyone. I just sat around and talked to my good friend and partner, Valkyrie Cain."
Author: Derek Landy

11. "Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed."Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs.""Really?""Oh, yes."She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?""They just are.""In what way?""In a magicky way."She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?""Not really."
Author: Derek Landy

12. "Do you think we'll be waiting long?" Valkyrie asked,keeping her voice low."The last time we were in this building, we accused theGrand Mage of being a traitor," Skulduggery said. "Yes, I thinkwe'll be waiting long."
Author: Derek Landy

13. "We're not really intruding," he called down. "This is all a big misunderstanding.""Stop right there!" shouted one of them.Skulduggery held his hand to an ear he didn't have."What's that?""Stop!""Keep going?""STOP!""OK, we'll keep going."
Author: Derek Landy

14. "I kill a sofa for you and you go and sit in a chair?" Skulduggery asked. "I don't think you appreciate the sacrifice that has been made for you."
Author: Derek Landy

15. "Valkyrie dialed Skulduggery's number and he picked up. 'Hey,' she said, 'It's me.'Skulduggery paused. 'No it's not. If it were me, then I'd be talking to myself, and I don't do that any more. I certainly don't RING myself. That's one of the first signs of madness, and if it's not, it should be.'She sighed. 'Are you finished talking nonsense?''I haven't talked nonsense all morning. I miss it."
Author: Derek Landy

16. "The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery."What is it?" she whispered."It's a box," he whispered back."What kind of box?""A wooden one."She gave him a look."
Author: Derek Landy

17. "We're here on Sanctuary business," Skulduggery tried.The man on Deadfall's right bristled, and Deadfall grinned. "Hear that, Pete? They're with that Sanctuary."Hokum Pete snarled. "I hate the Sanctuary.""Oh," Skulduggery said."We all hate the Sanctuary.""Ah. Then we're not here on Sanctuary business. I was just joking."
Author: Derek Landy

18. "You're in a bad mood,' Skulduggery said. 'I understand. I do. You're saying things that you don't really mean. It's OK.''I'll kill you both.''Hurtful things said in the heat of the moment. We're not going to hold it against you, Bison. We're all friends here.'Valkyrie nodded. 'We love you Bison.' 'We do,' Skulduggery agreed. 'You're our favourite Necromancer. You're the cuddly one.''Shut up,' Dragonclaw said. 'Both of you just shut up."
Author: Derek Landy

19. "Scapegrace leaped up. "I am the Killer Supreme! I makemurder into an art form!"Skulduggery hit him again and Scapegrace did a little twirlbefore falling."
Author: Derek Landy

20. "I should go in alone," Valkyrie said, speaking loudly to be heard. "If we both go in, it'll look to official.""So I'll just stay out here?" Skulduggery asked. "But what'll I do? There's no one to talk to. It's boring.""You're standing on the roof of a train," Valkyrie pointed out. "If you find this boring, you really need your head examined. Just wait here. I'll do what has to be done and I'll be find out."Fine," he said, sounding grumpy. "Don't be long."
Author: Derek Landy

21. "I don't need you sensitive, Skulduggery. I need you aloof and irresponsible and arrogant. That's why I love you. That's why I let you hang out with me.""I'm truly blessed."She grinned. "You love me, too. Once you admit it, everything will be better.""They're about to hook up the Cube to the Accelerator," he said, and turned and walked off.She followed. "You can't run from your feelings.""I can walk from them."
Author: Derek Landy

22. "She turned to Skulduggery and held out her arms. "Come here, you." He tilted his head. "My hugs are for special occasions only." "Hug me." "I prefer the old tradition." "Hug.""Would a handshake do?" "Hug.""A pat on the back?" She stepped forward and wrapped her arms round him. "Hug," she said. He sighed, and his hands settled on her shoulders. The others were warm and their embraces strong – with Skulduggery the hug was cold, and there were areas on his jacket that gave way beneath her fingers, and she could feel the emptiness within. She didn't mind."
Author: Derek Landy

23. "The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car."
Author: Derek Landy

24. "Suddenly Saracen Rue looked old and tired, and Skulduggery Pleasant came into focus as what he really was – a genius, a killer, a tortured soul, and the only true dead man among them."
Author: Derek Landy

25. "We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant"
Author: Derek Landy

26. "Skulduggery was right by Valkyrie's elbow, but remained quiet. She appreciated that. Any other man would have leaped in to defend her honour. Valkyrie was quite capable of doing that herself."
Author: Derek Landy

27. "Cow," Tanith muttered, and that was it, the floodgates opened, and Stephanie doubled over with laughter that echoed throughout the warehouse. Tanith pointed at Stephanie and backed away. "Skulduggery, she's not being professional!"
Author: Derek Landy

28. "Weren't expecting this, were you, Mr. Detective? Probably thought, once a mountain fell on her, you'd seen the last of our sister, eh?""To be honest," Skulduggery said, "yes."
Author: Derek Landy

29. "You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done.' --Skulduggery"
Author: Derek Landy

30. "You're bored, aren't you.''I need constant distraction. Shall we go?''Uh, aren't you supposed to delegate responsibility or something? If you're not here, who's in charge?'Skulduggery looked around and pointed to a sorcerer at the far side of the cemetery. 'He is.''Who is he?''Don't know. He looks like leadership material, though, doesn't he?''Does he?''He's wearing a hat.''And that means he's a leader?''Leaders wear hats. It's to keep the rain off while we make important decisions. He'll do fine.''Shouldn't you tell him that he's in charge?' 'And spoil the surprise?"
Author: Derek Landy

31. "Don't kill me," he sobbed as he lay there. "Oh God, please don't kill me.""If you had let me ?nish," Skulduggery said, slightly annoyed, "you would have heard me say, ‘Come out, we're notgoing to hurt you'. Idiot.""He probably wouldn't have said idiot," Valkyrie told the sobbing man. "We're trying our best to be nice."The man blinked through his tears, and looked up."You're... You're not going to kill me?""No, we're not," Valkyrie said gently, "so long as you wipe your nose right now."
Author: Derek Landy

32. "Skulduggery.""Fletcher."Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment."I'm sorry, what are we doing now?""Shaking hands," Fletcher said. "Like adults. I just want you to know that this past year has changed me. I've grown, as a person. I'm not the same Fletcher you used to know."You look a lot like him.""Well, yeah, but-""And you have the same ridiculous hair.""Can we just shake hands?""Of course we can," Skulduggery said, and they shook. "Now what?""I, uh...I don't really know. What do adults usually do after they shake hands?""Generally, the first thing they do is let go.""Oh, right," Fletcher said, and Skulduggery took his hand back. "So, Skulduggery, how have you been? You're looking well. That's a really nice tie."It's blue.""And such a nice shade."Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "You promised me he wouldn't be annoying."
Author: Derek Landy

33. "I used to be so good at that kind of thing," Skulduggery said quietly."Well, my morale is certainly boosted," Valkyrie informed him."Really?""god no. That was terrible"
Author: Derek Landy

34. "Life isn't fair,' Skulduggery said. 'In my experience, death isn't so different."
Author: Derek Landy

35. "We're not robbing him," Skulduggery said." But I'm afraid I have some bad news.""Is it Deacon?" Francine asked, her eyes wide."It is.""Is he sick?""It's a little worse than that."She gasped. "He's dying?""He was briefly dying," said Skulduggery. "Now he's dead."
Author: Derek Landy

36. "Skulduggery pleasant is the best book I've ever read and has enspired myself to become an author."
Author: Derek Landy

37. "Doran stood on the dais, fists clenched. "All right," he said. "Let's do it, come on. Charge me up." Skulduggery tapped the controls. "Just give me a moment…" Doran's leg was shaking. "Come on," he said. "Hurry up. Haven't got all day." "Just one more moment…" "Here," said Doran. "You have used this on people before, right?" "Hmmm?" Skulduggery said. "People? No, not on people. Ah, here we go." The dais lit up. "Oh, I don't know about this," said Doran. "I don't think I want to do this…" "You'll be fine." Skulduggery said. "How do you know?" "I don't." The hair stood up on Valkyrie's arms and light filled the room. The Accelerator wined like an animal, the wine getting louder and louder and the dais beginning to tremble. "I want to get off!" Doran shouted. "I want to get off!" "You can't get off!" Skulduggery shouted back over the roar. "If you get off you'll die!" "I'll die?" "I don't know," Skulduggery shouted. "Probably."
Author: Derek Landy

38. "Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to."
Author: Derek Landy

39. "Valkyrie made a face. "Bloody vampires."Ryan sat forward. "That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?""We don't talk about vampires," Skulduggery warned."But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-""We don't talk about vampires!" Valkyrie said sharply.Ryan shrunk back. "Sorry," he said."Don't worry about it," Skulduggery told him. "Valkyrie used to date a vampire that's all.""We didn't date ," Valkyrie said immediately.Skulduggery held a hand up. "I'm not judging."Valkyrie scowled."
Author: Derek Landy

40. "It's fairly standard. Also, I'm fourteen. Also, yourbeard's stupid.""Isn't this fun?" Skulduggery said brightly. "The three of usgetting along so well."
Author: Derek Landy

41. "We can do this the easy way,' Oblivious snarled. 'Or the hard way.''What's the easy way?''You leave immediately.''And what's the hard way?''We make you leave.'Skulduggery's head tilted. 'What was the easy way again?"
Author: Derek Landy

42. "Corrival looked around. 'So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.''Me?' Ravel asked. 'Why do I have to start it? You're the most respected mage here. You start it, or Skulduggery.'Skulduggery shook his head. 'I can't start it. I don't like most of these people. I might start shooting."
Author: Derek Landy

43. "Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.'I was trying to make up the sofa bed so you could get some rest,' he explained, and pointed to the second sofa across the room. 'Unfortunately, it would appear that that is the sofa bed, and this, apparently, is just a sofa."
Author: Derek Landy

44. "Valkyrie: "You are such a moron."Skulduggery: "Don't be jealous of my genius."
Author: Derek Landy

45. "Enjoy that?" Tanith said with a little grin.Valkyrie grinned back, her eyes bright. "I keep telling Skulduggery he should get a bike.""What does he say?""He says people who wear leathers, like you, should ride motorbikes. People who wear exquisite suits, like him, should drive Bentleys."
Author: Derek Landy

46. "Grand Mage," Ghastly said, as he put the map away, "did you know the sparrow flies south for the winter?""What an odd thing to say," Ravel said, and as he turned, he snapped his palm against the air and Paloma slammed into the wall."….."What do you know," Ravel said, breathing a little faster, "Skulduggery's silly little code actually works.""Grand Mage," Ghastly said, as he put the map away, "did you know the sparrow flies south for the winter?""What an odd thing to say," Ravel said, and as he turned, he snapped his palm against the air and Paloma slammed into the wall."….."What do you know," Ravel said, breathing a little faster, "Skulduggery's silly little code actually works."
Author: Derek Landy

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