Very Funny Quotes

1. "Now as you plumb out into the universe and explore it astronomically, it gets very strange. You begin to see things in the depths that at first sight seem utterly remote. How could they have anything to do with us. They are so far off and so unlikely. And in the same way, when you start probing into the inner workings of the human body you come across all kinds of funny little monsters and wiggly things that bear no resemblance to what we recognize as the human image. Look at a spermatozoon under a microscope. That little tadpole! And how can that have any connection with a grown human being. It's so unlike, you see. It's foreign feeling. And you get the creeps, a foreign feeling, about yourself...But what we will always find out in the end when we meet the very strange thing, there will one day be the dawning recognition: Why that's me."
Author: Alan Wilson Watts

2. "I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that."
Author: Amy Schumer

3. "Everybody's funny if you love them."
Author: Anna Torv

4. "I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet."
Author: Bob Saget

5. "Every animal is a tradition, and together they are a vast part of our heritage as human beings. No animal completely lacks humanity, yet no person is ever completely human. By ourselves, we people are simply balls of protoplasm. We merge with animals through magic, metaphor, or fantasy, growing their fangs and putting on their feathers. Then we become funny or tragic; we can be loved, hated, pitied, and admired. For us, animals are all the strange, beautiful, pitiable, and frightening things that they have ever been: gods, slaves, totems, sages, tricksters, devils, clowns, companions, lovers, and far more."
Author: Boria Sax

6. "A lot of the tabloid stories are written so well, they're very clever and very funny. But you have to focus on what's really important and not read them - don't dive into it and don't get caught up in it."
Author: Calista Flockhart

7. "I figured all your classes were stuff like Slaughter 101 and Beheading for Beginners."Jace flipped a page. "Very funny, Fray."
Author: Cassandra Clare

8. "You see, the future is a kind of stew, a soup, a vichyssoise of the present and the past. That's how you get the future: You mix up everything you did today with everything you did yesterday and all the days before and everything everyone you ever met did and anyone they ever met, too. And salt and lizard and pearl and umbrellas and typewriters and a lot of other things I'm not at liberty to tell you, because I took vows, and a witch's vows have teeth. Magic is funny like that. It's not a linear thinker. The point is if you mash it all up together and you have a big enough pot and you're very good at witchcraft, you can wind up with a cauldron full of tomorrow."
Author: Catherynne M. Valente

9. "To RosieYou wrote that card didn't you?From AlexTo AlexWhat card?From RosieTo RosieVery funny. I no it was you.From AlexTo AlexI really don't know what you're talking about. Why would I send you a Valentine's card?From RosieTo RosieHa ha! How did you no it was a Valentine's Card! The only way you could no is if you sent it. You love me, you want to marry me.From Alex"
Author: Cecelia Ahern

10. "I owe my whole acting career to the fact that I'm a singer. I went out to Los Angeles and auditioned for a TV show called 'Fame L.A.' The original role was for a comedian, but they said I wasn't very funny, so they asked me, 'What else can you do?' So I played a singer."
Author: Christian Kane

11. "The inventory process and stepping back in your life can sometimes be a very dark process. But it also can be extremely funny and surprising."
Author: Craig Charles

12. "God against man. Man against God. Man against nature. Nature against man. Nature against God. God against nature. Very funny religion!"
Author: D.T. Suzuki

13. "The world, every day, is New. Only for those born in, say, 1870 or so, can there be a meaningful use of the term postmodernism, because for the rest of us we are born and we see and from what we see and digest we remake our world. And to understand it we do not need to label it, categorize it. These labels are slothful and dismissive, and so contradict what we already know about the world, and our daily lives. We know that in each day, we laugh, and we are serious. We do both, in the same day, every day. But in our art we expect clear distinction between the two...But we don't label our days Serious Days or Humorous Days. We know that each day contains endless nuances - if written would contain dozens of disparate passages, funny ones, sad ones, poignant ones, brutal ones, the terrifying and the cuddly. But we are often loathe to allow this in our art. And that is too bad..."
Author: Dave Eggers

14. "I happen to be very good with younger actors because I have extremely vivid memories of that time of my life, and kids are just funny."
Author: David M. Evans

15. "I love Mikhail Bulgakov. He is very original and takes the story to unexpected places. I didn't realise political writing could be so funny."
Author: Denise Mina

16. "I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me."
Author: Ellen DeGeneres

17. "So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?""That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney.""Oh, really?""O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?""Very good. You should be on the stage.""It's funny you should mention that."The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. "I was being sarcastic, actually. . .""Because my friend, Mr. McGuire, and I are also doing a stint in the Christmas pantomime. It's Snow White. I'm Doc, and he's Dopey."The passport officer forced a smile. "Very good. Next."Mulch spoke for the entire line to hear. "Of course, Mr. McGuire there was born to play Dopey, if you catch my drift."Loafers lost it right there in the terminal. "You little freak!" he screamed. "I'll kill you! You'll be my next tattoo! You'll be my next tattoo!"Much tutted as Loafers disappeared beneath half a dozen security guards."Actors," he said. "Highly strung."
Author: Eoin Colfer

18. "My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off."
Author: Isaac Marion

19. "Imperio!"Moody jerked his wand, and the spider rose onto two of its hind legs and went into what was unmistakably a tap dance.Everyone was laughing — everyone except Moody."Think it's funny, do you?" he growled. "You'd like it, would you, if I did it to you?"The laughter died away almost instantly."
Author: J.K. Rowling

20. "Finally I grinned and said, "I won't eat meat if it's been overcooked." She (Amarinda) glanced up at me, confused, and I added, "I thought you should know that, since we're going to be friends now."Amarinda's smile widened. "I think it's unfair that women aren't allowed to wear trousers. They seem far more comfortable than dresses."I chuckled. "They're not. Every year I think fashion invents one more piece I have to add to my wardrobe.""And one more layer to my skirts." She thought for a moment, then said, "I think it's funny when you're rude to the cook. I shouldn't admit that, but his face turns all sorts of colors when you are and there's nothing he can do about it.""He can overcook my meat."
Author: Jennifer A. Nielsen

21. "One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably."
Author: John Hodgman

22. "Everyone's sex life is funny except your own. Every person's is, and yours never is. The lengths people go to — and the extremes and the conditions and the mental exercises and guilt and shame and happiness that everybody goes through — and what they'll do for sex is never-ending and mind-boggling and very interesting to me. And I don't think a lot of times people choose any of it."
Author: John Waters

23. "I have a great ability to improvise verbally, and I am very funny on a dime."
Author: Kate Braverman

24. "Do you practice the laugh, or is it a natural talent? Naw, I'm betting you practice." Jean-Claude's face twisted. I couldn't decide if he was trying not to laugh, or not to frown. Maybe both. I affected some people that way. The laughter seeped out of her face, very human, until only her eyes sparkled. There was nothing funny about the look in those twinkling eyes. It was the sort of look a cat gives a small bird. Her voice lifted at the end of each word, a Shirley Temple affectation. "You are either very brave, or very stupid." "You really need at least one dimple to go with the laugh." Jean-Claude said softly, "I'm betting on stupid."
Author: Laurell K. Hamilton

25. "- Dude, it's Jocelyn, I (Jordan) say looking over my shoulder nervously [...]- This isn't Jocelyn, B.J says sighing. It's Jordan. Dude, try to play a better trick than that. You sound nothing like her. Plus your number came up on my caller ID.PS: maybe I'm just in a very good mood, but I keep laughing while reading this book, there are plenty of scenes that make me smile, and this is one of them.. it's just hilarious how silly and funny these characters are ;))"
Author: Lauren Barnholdt

26. "I have little sister Lola, she is small and very funny."
Author: Lauren Child

27. "Who the hell calls at two in the morning?""Maybe it's Matt Wilde, confessing his love," Lindsay says."Very funny,"
Author: Lauren Oliver

28. "In this world, everyone wants to know everything about you, and I think that's funny."
Author: Leighton Meester

29. "Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend."
Author: Lucy Liu

30. "I just recently joined Twitter. It's very positive - I love all the accolades. If my ego is hurting, I can just open my Twitter account and see 'Oh, I love you! I love the show!' and it's great. I'm trying to find the balance between trying to be funny, being honest and just being a promoter as the guy on 'Royal Pains.'"
Author: Mark Feuerstein

31. "Are they supposed to cry so much and giggle every second when they're not crying? They never quit finding something so funny that I thought it'd break my eardrums a few times."
Author: Mary Connealy

32. "I'm going away anyway. I am. Do you hear me? I may be ugly and clumsy, but one thing I am not, I'm not retarded. I may be ugly and clumsy, but one thing I am not, I'm not retarded. There's nothing wrong with my brain. Do you know what the Teacher Ghosts say about me? They tell me I'm smart, and I can win scholarships. I can get into colleges. I've already applied. I'm smart. I can do all sorts of things. I know how to get A's, and they say I could be a scientist or a mathematician if I want. I can make a living and take care of myself. So you don't have to find me a keeper who's too dumb to know a bad bargain. I'm so smart, if they say write ten pages, I can write fifteen. I can do ghost things even better than ghosts can. Not everyone thinks I'm nothing. I am not going to be a slave or a wife. Even if I am stupid and talk funny amd get sick, I won't let you turn me into a slave or a wife. I'm getting out of here. I can't stand living here anyore. It's your fault I talk weird."
Author: Maxine Hong Kingston

33. "Her name is Hope?" John asked, the corners of his mouth beginning to tug upwards."No." I bristled, thinking he was making fun of me. Then I realized I'd been caught. "Well, all right…so what if it is? I'm not going to name her after some depressing aspect of the Underworld like you do all your pets. I looked up the name Alastor. That was the name of one of the death horses that drew Hades's chariot. And Typhon?" I glanced at the dog, cavorting in and out of the waves, seemingly oblivious of the cold. "I can only imagine, but I'm sure it means something equally unpleasant.""Typhon was the father of all monsters," John said. He'd given up trying to suppress his grin. "The deadliest of all the creatures in Greek mythology.""Nice," I said sarcastically. "Well, I prefer to name my pets something that reminds me there's-""Hope?" His grin broadened."Very funny." True, I'd admitted to him that I was inexperienced. But I didn't have to prove it by acting like I was twelve."
Author: Meg Cabot

34. "We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest."
Author: Meg Cabot

35. "I think that Obama is very cool. And I think he's clever, and I think he can be witty. But I don't think he's funny in either the way that Reagan was funny - or John McCain and Dick Cheney are both funny in that ruthless, kind of mean way."
Author: Mo Rocca

36. "Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them."
Author: Nancy Meyers

37. "If you sit down and think about it sensibly, you come up with some very funny ideas. Like: why make people inquisitive, and then put some forbidden fruit where they can see it with a big neon finger flashing on and off saying 'THIS IS IT!'? ... I mean, why do that if you really don't want them to eat it, eh? I mean, maybe you just want to see how it all turns out. Maybe it's all part of a great big ineffable plan. All of it. You, me, him, everything. Some great big test to see if what you've built all works properly, eh? You start thinking: it can't be a great cosmic game of chess, it has to be just very complicated Solitaire."
Author: Neil Gaiman

38. "I really enjoy Martin Sheen - he is very unexpectedly funny, very quick."
Author: Noureen DeWulf

39. "Everything we do means something, Ender realized. Them laughing. Me not laughing. He toyed with the idea of trying to be like the other boys. But he couldn't think of any jokes, and none of theirs seemed funny. Wherever their laughter came from, Ender couldn't find such a place in himself."
Author: Orson Scott Card

40. "I got my sense of humor from my grandmother. You know, my grandmother was very funny."
Author: Paul Mooney

41. "He was a humorist, and everyone knew the funny writers were the most serious sort under their skins."
Author: Paula McLain

42. "Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author: Rick Riordan

43. "Every set has their own personalities and their own quirks. It's funny comparing starring in a show to going in and doing recurring work - there's already a rhythm that's been established, and people know each other so well. It's like being a guest in someone else's home."
Author: Sara Rue

44. "Isn't it weird," I said, "the way you remember things, when someone's gone?"What do you mean?"I ate another piece of waffle. "When my dad first died, all I could think about was that day. It's taken me so long to be able to think back to before that, to everything else."Wes was nodding before I even finished. "It's even worse when someone's sick for a long time," he said. "You forget they were ever healthy, ever okay. It's like there was never a time when you weren't waiting for something awful to happen."But there was," I said. "I mean, it's only been in the last few months that I've started remembering all this good stuff, funny stuff about my dad. I can't believe I ever forgot it in the first place."You didn't forget," Wes said, taking a sip of his water. "You just couldn't remember right then. But now you're ready to, so you can."I thought about this as I finished off my waffle."
Author: Sarah Dessen

45. "Sea fleas," Frank said. "They're everywhere, very wee, practically invisible. They love our bait. If you fell overboard and weren't picked up until the next day, those sea fleas would eat you right up, and your skeleton would sink to the bottom!" Cody lifted me up and hung me over the side. "Want to try it?" he said. "Not funny, Cody," I said. I didn't much like the idea of sea fleas nibbling me down to my bones."
Author: Sharon Creech

46. "The reason I want you to put a shirt on is, well, because, um..." "You've never seen a guy with his shirt off?" "Ha, ha. Very funny. Believe me, you don't have anything I haven't seen before." "Wanna bet?" he says, then moves his hands to the button on his jeans and pops it open. Isabel walks in at that exact moment. "Whoa, Alex. Please keep your pants on."
Author: Simone Elkeles

47. "As you know it is a comedy so everything is a little bit pushed. That's what's funny about this kind of movie is you can laugh about the absurdity, and the bad side of life."
Author: Sophie Marceau

48. "Breakfast time," he said eventually, casually — to prove, I'm sure, that he remembered all my humanfrailties.So I clutched my throat with both hands and stared at him with wide eyes. Shock crossed his face."Kidding!" I snickered. "And you said I couldn't act!"He frowned in disgust. "That wasn't funny.""It was very funny, and you know it." But I examined his gold eyes carefully, to make sure that I wasforgiven. Apparently, I was."Shall I rephrase?" he asked. "Breakfast time for the human."
Author: Stephenie Meyer

49. "People never like to talk about their slower relatives. I got a cousin, twice removed, got webs between his toes, ain't said one word his whole life. You never hear about him in the family newsletter that goes around every Christmas. Hell, nobody mentions me, either, if it comes to that. Families is funny about who they advertise."
Author: Susan Juby

50. "Hitchcock had a charm about him. He was very funny at times. He was incredibly brilliant in his field of suspense."
Author: Tippi Hedren

Very Funny Quotes Pictures