Top Walmart Funny Quotes

Browse top 19 famous quotes and sayings about Walmart Funny by most favorite authors.

Favorite Walmart Funny Quotes

1. "I've done so many funny jobs. I worked at a farmer's market through high school. I worked in the stock room of Ralph Lauren. I graduated to salesperson at Ralph Lauren, which was a big deal to me. I've been a P.A. I've been a stand-in. I've been an assistant's assistant."
Author: Allison Williams
2. "Why, why in the blue-green world write this sort of thing? Funny written culture, I guess; we pass things on."
Author: Annie Dillard
3. "He slid over to me and grabbed me closer to him. My smile fell from my face with the unexpectedness of it. His hands cupped my face, his lips hovering above mine."You seriously want to know, Tess?"He closed the space and claimed my mouth with an urgent, hot, delving kiss.He smiled. "You are sexy, in your own goofball way, you're sweet and beautiful and smart and funny and, although you kiss to the point where I feel like I want to go back for seconds, you're my best friend, and that's why I don't want to tap that."
Author: C.J. Duggan
4. "It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed."
Author: C.S. Lewis
5. "I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man."
Author: Frank Carson
6. "All men are tragic...All men are comic...Every man is important if he loses his life; and every man is funny if he loses his hat."
Author: G.K. Chesterton
7. "It's funny how strangers can pass in front of you every day and all you see is a flat shadow, a vague outline, not noticing any of the details. They move in a gray crowd, always looking the same and acting the same, simple caricatures of who they really are, but once you get to know them, you notice the specific, tiniest things, you pay attention to the intricacies of their personalities, their habits and particular ways of walking and talking, the subtle changes in their appearance and dress."
Author: Gregory Galloway
8. "I think I gravitate towards people who express themselves in a simple and funny way."
Author: John Slattery
9. "I have a great ability to improvise verbally, and I am very funny on a dime."
Author: Kate Braverman
10. "By all means, stay," Anne said. "Have a seat. We'll take care of you next.""Yeah, see, I think someone else is going to be on trial next." Baring my teeth at her in a grin I pulled out my file folder. "I've got some interesting reading here. And I even brought copies for everyone so you don't have to share."A distinguished-looking South American man on the end shook his head. "What is this? Another farce?""No, but bonus points for using a funny word. You really want to read what I have here. Anne, you'll be especially interested, since you have a starring role.""Enough. Rhia—"Reth quickly flicked his wrist at her; her mouth kept moving, but no sound came out. It was one of the most satisfying things I'd ever seen. Sure, that trick had sucked when he used it on me, but I wholly approved of it now."
Author: Kiersten White
11. "That's when I saw you, really saw you for the first time. I didn't intend to look at you, it just happened. It was like those pictures, you know, those optical illusions. You can gaze at them forever and see only one thing. Then when you relax your eyes for just a moment, another picture magically appears. The funny thing with that kind of visual trick it that it's really hard to go back to seeing the original picture once you've seen the new one."
Author: Kimberly Sabatini
12. "I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up."
Author: Lynda Barry
13. "I'm going away anyway. I am. Do you hear me? I may be ugly and clumsy, but one thing I am not, I'm not retarded. I may be ugly and clumsy, but one thing I am not, I'm not retarded. There's nothing wrong with my brain. Do you know what the Teacher Ghosts say about me? They tell me I'm smart, and I can win scholarships. I can get into colleges. I've already applied. I'm smart. I can do all sorts of things. I know how to get A's, and they say I could be a scientist or a mathematician if I want. I can make a living and take care of myself. So you don't have to find me a keeper who's too dumb to know a bad bargain. I'm so smart, if they say write ten pages, I can write fifteen. I can do ghost things even better than ghosts can. Not everyone thinks I'm nothing. I am not going to be a slave or a wife. Even if I am stupid and talk funny amd get sick, I won't let you turn me into a slave or a wife. I'm getting out of here. I can't stand living here anyore. It's your fault I talk weird."
Author: Maxine Hong Kingston
14. "I can do comedy, so people want me to do that, but the other side of comedy is depression. Deep, deep depression is the flip side of comedy. Casting agents don't realize it but in order to be funny you have to have that other side."
Author: Parker Posey
15. "Eight people show up. The emcee is warm, friendly, and about as funny as Shoah. I take the stage to the sound of, my hand to God, one person clapping once and only once, and then I start into my act."
Author: Patton Oswalt
16. "In my old age, it's kind of funny - at night, what I like to do is watch TV when I go to sleep. And what I really like is to put on a Gene Autry film, because he sings really well. So he sings me to sleep."
Author: Phil Everly
17. "It's like the old pie-in-the-face routine: it stops being funny when it starts being you."
Author: Stephen King
18. "Emma says after I was born I cried for days. She said I'd never shut up which is funny really because Dad says I never shut up now so maybe that's what happens, you get born and act the same your whole life."
Author: Steven Herrick
19. "I don't happen to have a sense of humor personally, so I don't know what's funny about a character... This happens to be a feature of my life generally."
Author: Wallace Shawn

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Yes. He is quite a good fellow - nobody's enemy but his own."
Author: Charles Dickens

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