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Top St John Morris Quotes

Browse top 22 most favorite famous quotes and sayings by St John Morris.

Favorite St John Morris Quotes

1. "Had the facial plumage been of a paler hue it would have looked like a pile of horse crap on a winter's day." ~ St John Morris
2. "This particular event had been somewhat more raucous than usual as Derek Jameson had just lost an arm wrestle with Ann Diamond. The match was the second semi-final of the morning after Belinda Carlisle had been pipped at the post by Rusty Lee. Carlisle had caused some consternation after, upset at losing and forfeiting the chance to compete for the first prize of a quarter of midget gems, she had spat port in Lee's handbag. Carlisle had been asked to leave and, after a brief tussle, had been ejected from the building whilst screaming and spitting in Simon Parkin's face." ~ St John Morris
3. "Eunice had deposited St John upon the balcony of the first-floor apartment of former Liberal MP, The Rt. Hon. Leonard Cossins, the disgraced Lord Mayor of Mitchell-Baines who had been removed from office having been caught administering counterfeit buttercup syrup to the local yeomanry whilst on a hunting trip to Stoke-Poges." ~ St John Morris
4. "Beetroot Cossins had moved to Kuala Lumpur where she had died of lethargy and pie." ~ St John Morris
5. "There was Arctic John, a businessman from Salisbury who doesn't hold water, Bruce Knott, a social worker from Cumberland who spends his lunch hour picking his bum, and Judith Glycerine, the reformation pig." ~ St John Morris
6. "The Macedonian Endeavour Channel was screening live coverage of the world series of the Who's Got the Stupidest Name (WGSN) competition. First prize had already gone to Brian Burdock, a French Algerian with a penchant for Longchamp." ~ St John Morris
7. "What have you got in there you little bastard?" ~ St John Morris
8. "You little prick. It's a whelk...it's a...it's a...dead whelk!" ~ St John Morris
9. "Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you." ~ St John Morris
10. "St John had always been a fan of the RS Turbo, mainly due to the colour coded rear spoiler and air vents in the bonnet, which distinguished it from the more common and less powerful XR3i." ~ St John Morris
11. "He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert for Nationwide Building Society which said Dunroamin, twice, but half the through the second day of the campaign he had realised that it was an anachronism and the internet was about fourteen years away from mass consumption, so he stopped and went to sleep." ~ St John Morris
12. "Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she'd only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen. So I grabs her head and I stuck it through a display of them Muller's rices and I told her. That's for shagging Kevin Cooper you stupid fucking cunt." ~ St John Morris
13. "Private Benjamin lives next door but one to Bob Cryer from The Bill. I once saw him crouching down behind a sycamore tree and using his nose as an Allen Key to release a starving rat." ~ St John Morris
14. "Tobak Davenport, who is a cross between some Sugar Puffs and Lynn Faulds-Wood, was squatting there before being removed by the local constabulary after he went round to complain about Luther Blisset's pet turkey fouling the communal herb garden." ~ St John Morris
15. "Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He's currently working on a method for categorising ducks based on their singing voice. He's also the owner of the world's largest collection of tenor geese." ~ St John Morris
16. "A huge meringue with polio who drives everywhere in a beautifully restored Hillman Imp." ~ St John Morris
17. "Next door but one is Quinlan Broddle, a Viceroy with a fear of gardens. So much so that he sold his garden to Virgin Atlantic and his erstwhile front lawn is now a runway where miniature helicopters and packets of crisps undertake sorties to 1940's Dresden where they have made several dozen unsuccessful attempts to rescue the Quaker Oats man, who is being held captive by the SS on the basis that his hair looks like ice cream." ~ St John Morris
18. "On the other side of St John's house is a fake egg timer who can't maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a seven year old magistrate in order to be entered for this year's Miss East Lancashire competition. Next door to them is a Dundee cake with a lisp." ~ St John Morris
19. "Your toaster's a puff." ~ St John Morris
20. "...his knees were held together by the skin-tight trousers, which consequently narrowed the aperture through which great quantities of malodorous, rancid dreck were shortly to emerge with great force. St John knew that this was likely to prove troublesome. Although his mid-morning bab was usually undertaken in a more perfunctory manner, he would still have been mindful enough to ensure that his trousers were well below the knee before he commenced the disagreeable act, but in his current predicament, he was in no state to dally." ~ St John Morris
21. "St John had been sitting in the back garden twizzling a pencil, on the end of which a russet deposit was impaled, which had been left on the lawn by Marmaduke, next door's ginger cat. His father had wandered in to the garden and seen St John mesmerised by the twirling mahogany baton. "What are you doing son?" he asked."Toasting a witch", St John replied." ~ St John Morris
22. "Her protestations were drowned out by the sound of Gordon Honeycomb barfing up aftershock into the kitchenette sink." ~ St John Morris

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St John Morris Quotes
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Today's Quote

But you can't get to any of these truths by sitting in a field smiling beatifically, avoiding your anger and damage and grief. Your anger and damage and grief are the way to the truth. We don't have much truth to express unless we have gone into those rooms and closets and woods and abysses that we were told not go in to. When we have gone in and looked around for a long while, just breathing and finally taking it in – then we will be able to speak in our own voice and to stay in the present moment. And that moment is home."
Author: Anne Lamott

What Did St John Morris Talk About?

Wit
Bee
Sin
Here
John
Con
Next
Ear
She
Pen
Old
End
King
Use
Star
Son
Sing
Move
Era
Ring
Per
Moved

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